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Age Difference

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EM68, Jul 9, 2010.

  1. EM68

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    I am very happy right now! I have a new bf. We have been seeing each other a lot over the past 3 weeks. I have not felt like this before. He is smart, generous caring and loving. We have a lot in common. He came out later in life and worked in retail so he understands what I have gone through. We think a lot alike, there have been times where he has thought of something then I would talk about it and visa versa. The only thing is that he is older than me about 15 years. I am fine with the age difference and so is he. The only thing is that I am nervous about telling my parents and family. I'm afraid they would not understand. How should I approach this with them? I know that I am an adult but still I worry a bit.
     
  2. theJosephDean

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    Hmm. Well, there is only five years between my boyfriend and me. It doesn't bother me, and we joke about it a lot. My sister is perhaps a little over fifteen years younger than her partner, though. However, her partner doesn't look anywhere near her age. No one sees any problem with it, and unless you actually bring it up, it's never a point of conversation. Some people obsess over age, but others just don't care. Give them plenty of reasons why he is an amazing person and why the age difference has no impact on your feelings for each other. Hopefully, they will just be happy that you have someone and not say anything about it. :]
     
  3. Phoenix

    Phoenix Guest

    Like theJosephDean said the age difference shouldn't be the elephant in the room. My boyfriend and I have a 5 year age difference as well, but half the time we forget there actually is an age difference. When you initially tell your parents they may have a bit of an "Oh." moment but if they actually see you guys together and see you interact with each other, they probably won't even remember most of the time that there's an age difference. That's what happens in my family.
     
  4. Numfarh

    Numfarh Guest

    Dude. You are right. You ARE an adult. And it's time you stop worrying about whether it's possible to make everyone in your life happy. It will never happen. I'm sure you already know this.
    Just focus on making yourself happy and the people who truly care about you will applaud your decisions.
    And unless your parents have ever indicated that they desire to control your life well into adulthood, throw your worries away and enjoy this new relationship!
     
  5. littledinosaurs

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    These are the most important things. Tell them straight up about it and don't worry otherwise.
     
  6. Davy

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    As said you have come so far, to get to this stage. Congratulations by the way!

    You have taken so many great step's, so I have no doubt you have the ability to tell your family about yourself getting a wonderful partner, that you obviously have allot in common with. At the end of the day you have started making movement's forward so why go backwards, you can do it and and the best thing is you know you can. Good Luck :thumbsup:
     
  7. dude99

    dude99 Guest

    Congraulations on getting an boyfriend. Hope it works out great for you both.

    Anyway if its love between 2 people, who cares what other people think. Maybe they would think it is strange, but eventually if they find it strange they will get used to it.
     
  8. george678

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    Congrats on getting a boyfriend.
    I think that like you said you ARE an adult and they should realize that.
     
  9. starbucksshoote

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    Good for you - and congratulations! Yeah, some people might raise eyebrows over the age - but it's not likely you're 14 and he's 30. You're both grown-ups, and you know your own minds. It may take them a while in the beginning to see it, but your family will want you to be happy, and when they come to see that he does, the age thing won't be so much a factor for them.

    At the end of the day, it's your life, you go live it the best way you can - that's all anyone can do. :slight_smile:
     
  10. xCrazyInsanity

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    If you were a teen, I'd say you're nuts.

    But your profile says you're 41.
    15 years isn't raelly that much consitering you're both adults who have settled down in your life for the most part.
     
  11. coolguy144

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    I think age is just a number as long as the two people are in it for love.... and it's legal, lol. I've been down that road.
     
  12. GoinStag

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    Well like you said, you are both adults. Make sure they are keeping that in mind when you talk to them, and make sure they understand that you care about him.

    Lol my sister is 20, but when she was 18, her boyfriend was 38. He also started snorting blow towards the end of their relationship so that didn't make things any less awkward between him and my family lol.
     
  13. Lexington

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    I'd say your family would have a much tougher time with you dating someone fifteen years younger. :slight_smile:

    Treat it like it's a non-issue. Because it is. You're both over forty, for God's sake. Age differences matter mainly when the two people are from "different worlds" and stubbonly refuse to acknowledge and work on that. Which doesn't sound like this case at all. Just tell your folks you've got a new bf, his name is Fred, and you're having a great time. When they actually meet, if they mention the age gap, just say "yeah, i actually didn't think I'd fall for someone older than me, but Fred and I realy have clicked."

    Lex
     
  14. titaniumCloset

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    41 and ~56 is not as big of a deal as 18 and 33. I really wouldn't sweat it.
     
  15. BrettV

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    i absolutely would not worry about it. Age isn't as big of a deal as it seems. Souls are souls. If you connect, you connect.

    Age is a linear boundary that is only a perceived conception. I'm not saying to date a 13 year old .. there are obviously emotional differences .. but when you're over 20 or 25, age becomes less and less of an issue.

    Just feel secure in what you are, who you are, who he is, and what he is. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

    Forget what the family thinks. If they really love you and accept you, it won't matter anyway.

    Good luck.
     
  16. Sylver

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    Don't overthink things Ed. You are the one responsible for your own happiness and future, not your family or anyone else. Usually when people who care about you see that you are happy, they are happy for you.. and the rest becomes details.. Enjoy this for all it's worth! :slight_smile:
     
  17. Eleanor Rigby

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    I'm happy for you you've got a new boyfriend and that things are great between you two (*hug*).
    I don't think the age gap matters at all. You're both adults and who you fall in love with only matters to you. I would just treat it like it's not a problem (because seriously it's not a problem). Just tell your family you've got a new boyfriend, and if they ask about his age just tell them casualy. If it feels natural to you, it'll feel natural to them.
    Take care (*hug*)
     
  18. EM68

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    Thanks guys. I do feel better about it. I talked to my bf about my concerns and he has been very supportive. I am going to just go with it and treat it as a non issue because it is. We get along and care for each other which in the end is all that matters.
     
    #18 EM68, Jul 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2010
  19. s5m1

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    Congratulations, Ed! I am really happy for you.