http://www.sanfranmag.com/story/gone There is always a better way and there is always someone to listen.
Christ, that article hit me like a brick. Those pictures are just hard to look at. I can only imagine what was going through her mind at the time... I've struggled with these thoughts for a couple of years now. I've always felt like a walking ghost, really. I see these kids who are full of life. I see the sun reflecting off of their faces. I then will try to look at myself in a mirror. I see emptiness. I see a blank face. It is hollow and cold. It's the best I could do to hide my fears and weaknesses from other people. No matter how much pain I would be in, my face would never change. I was essentially disconnected from my body. I didn't feel like I had any control over it. It was like watching another person drift through life, day after day. The only way I would feel like I was in control was by screaming while biting down on a pillow, or cutting my wrists with my key. I would never bleed too much, but it felt wonderful. I forced this other person to do what I wanted. The only person who couldn't protect me was myself. I tried to get rid of myself so I would never have to darken the moods of others. I felt like my very existence in this world was a burden, a mistake. Thankfully, I've decided to confront my demons. Instead of getting rid of myself, I've decided to tackle my own insecurities. I'm currently in the process of bringing myself back to life. I'm already feeling better about myself. I intend to go on here more, make some new friends, spend more time in the sun, and go to the gym to lose a little bit of weight. I won't go down without a fight, I tell myself. I'm still young, and there are plenty of things that could fuck up. I'm going to try to tell others when I feel like shit and vent in a journal or on forums. I want to change myself. I am a good person. I need to find my strengths and focus on outweighing the weaknesses. I want to live.
Hats off to the parents who had to survive their child's death. Being lonely is difficult. THis article just accentuates ,that what I used to think was quite stupid of me to think, was right - That I am alone even if I have people around me. I think we all deserve an escape- something that de-stresses us. I will tune my guitar now, arrange all my unread novels and definitely appreciate life more.
That was such a moving article...Time well spent reading it in full, though it took me 30min (... or was it an hour?). @Chocolatebar911 Don't compare yourself to others. There will always be people who seem better than you in some areas, and you'll always tend to miss out your own strengths when comparing yourself to others. And smiling people doesn't mean they're happy and content. I used to fake a smile around people even when I felt like curling up and crying inside.
I just wanted to reach anybody who has had the same feeling as me. That article had me in tears and it made me realize I don't want to end it.
