Self-Confidence

A lot of it could be how you think about things. I'm sure you aren't terribly worse than everyone at everything, and you probably know this, but are you setting standards too high? Think about your thoughts (if that makes sense). Words like 'should' and 'must' make things seem more important in your head. If you say 'I should get an A on this exam', a B feels terrible, rather than saying 'I might be able to get an A on this exam', where a B is still a good thing. If you can eliminate some of those high expectation words from your thought process, I think you'll start to feel a bit better.

(&&&)

 

Yeah my Self confidence is terrible too.......... But I'm working on it.

 

We are much more likely to be down on ourselves than on others. For some reason, it's pretty easy to accept and/or ignore imperfections in others, but obsess about them in others. You see a pimple on a schoolmate's face, and you think "Oh, he's got a pimple" and don't think anything more of it. But you see one on your face, and you start wondering if everybody is staring at it, or making fun of you because of it.

The main thing to remember is that we're all very much alike. Very few people really love what they see when they stare in the mirror. You might think they're really good-looking, but I can guarantee they obsess about their slightly large nose, or those five hairs that don't stay in place. We're all just a bunch of problems and neuroses bundled up in human skin. And that doesn't mean "we all suck" - it just means the playing field is level. We all go through the same bullshit. Some of us get more of it, and some of us are better at dealing with it. But we're all doing it.

Being aware of this is a big step towards self-confidence. That we're all in the same boat. Because that means you can relate to everybody, at least on some level.

Step two - love yourself. You're going to be spending the rest of your life with you, so you may as well learn to love that guy (or gal). And I've found a huge part of loving you is loving what you love. So give that a lot of thought. What DO you love? Music? Crank it. Baseball? Join a team, and put those pennants up in your room. Harry Potter fanfiction? Read and write to your heart's content. Cup stacking? Go nuts with it. Coloring in coloring books? Buy that 64-count box and have at it.

And OWN it. Don't kinda sorta like it, and only when nobody's looking. "Yeah, I've taken up cup stacking. A bit of a weird hobby, but I love doing it." And see, people respect that. They might not love cup stacking, or decide that it's a great hobby for them, too. But your sincere love for you and what you do shines through. And they'll pick up on that. They'll think "Well, that's kind of weird, but it's cool that he's into it that much." And you'll notice it feeds on itself. Their acceptance will further your love for yourself.

I never was cool. Ever. I was always on the sidelines, quiet, dorky, trying to fit in. And finally, I thought "Why am I doing this? Why am I trying to be like them? Why don't I just be like what I want to be?" So I started wearing the T-shirts with cartoons on them, and reading old science fiction, and listening to jazz music. Not because it made me "different" but because it made me happy. And then, to my confusion, I suddenly became cool. Maybe not high-school-quarterback cool, but cool in my own way. People saw I liked what I liked, and enjoyed it, and they thought that was neat.

As for relationships, don't put the cart before the horse here. Wanting a relationship isn't like wanting a car. You need to find somebody, you need to click with somebody, and then you can start the relationship. If you happen to run into somebody, and you both click really well, then yeah - go for it! But at that point, I'm assuming your self-esteem will be boosted already, since you'll have found somebody you have an affinity with.

Lex

 

I agree with Lex and Zumbro. Going off of the high expectation words, some good alternatives to "should" are "want" and "would like". And be honest with yourself. If you want to study and your friends want you to go to a party or Disneyland or something, be honest with them. "I really wanna go; I just also want to pass Calculus."

 

Self confidence is like a house of cards, its hard to build and its easily knocked down. But, it starts with acknowledging that what people say is meaningless. People are going to say mean and hurtful things because it draws attention away from their issues.
Should you date? Yes!

Will you be clingy and needy, maybe…but we learn as we go. We feel our way through things like this.
You can start by asking yourself what it is you don’t like about yourself, and don’t give some throw away answer like: everything. Find specific things and why. Once you shine a light on these things you can start to improve them, you can’t fix a car if you don’t know what it won’t start.

 

Something you have to remember is that it takes time to build self confidence. Don't expect to wake up tomorrow and be super confident, but dont let this discourage you. The change might be slow, but be patient and keep a positive attitude, always.
I'm the same boat as you, for the last months I've been rebuilding the self confidence I used to have a couple of years ago. It takes time, but when you start seeing results it makes you happy and encourages you to keep going. As the people mentioned above me, think about yourself first. Discover what things make you happy about yourself, not the things that would make other people happy.

 

Self-Affirmation
Study after study has shown to work. Weird at first but it works.