How long did you deny your sexuality?

I actually remember the very first time it crossed my mind that it was possible that I was gay. It was the beginning of my freshman year in high school, and it was one of those random fleeting thoughts. It freaked me the hell out, and I completely buried it, thinking "No, that's stupid. Being gay is like being hit by lightning or winning the lottery or something--some OTHER people might deal with it, but not ME."

But that little thought kept re-emerging over the next couple of years, and every time I tried to bury it deeper. Finally, about two years later, I realized that maybe it was a distinct possibility that I seriously might want to think about and acknowledge as a potential reality. So I finally took a deep breath and allowed myself to start soul-searching.

And here I am now!

 

there was maybe a one or two month period between when I was physically able to jerk off (and enjoy it) and when it clicked properly in my mind that I was thinking about guys and that if I was straight surely there would be more girls age 11 or so. Long before that I always used to like communal showers and swimming and things because I could look at guys not wearing much, from when I was 6 or 7. I didn't really think much of it, I just liked to look.

 

Wow. page out of my own book pretty much.

 

I never tried to convince myself that I like guys. I tried to convince myself that I was bi, however. It didn't feel like some sort of denial because I had a huge crush on a girl when I started noticing guys in 7th grade. I had another crush on a different girl the next year and that lasted a few years. Basically, I had no reason to not think I was bi only until the summer after my first year in college where I sat myself down and realized that sexually, I'm only into men. I still like girls now and then, but I'm much more aware of my sexuality.

So I guess I "denied" my true orientation for about... somewhere around 6-7 years.

 

I knew i was bi around 12 and denied it until just a few months ago...

 

I put 0 - 6 months, cuz I tried to push it to the back of my mind and not think about it for about 2 months, and then I came out as bi cuz that sounded a lot les scarey than lesbian.
Before that I con't really know, I didn't really have any sort of understanding of sexuality because of the way my parents raised me, seriously conservative, christian family.

 

I'm kind of surprised by the upward limit in this poll being 5+ years. At the latest, I was 12 when I first realized I had same-sex attractions. But I didn't come to accept that I was gay until I was 18. So 6+ for me.

 

Never. I was convinced I'd have to be a girl to be with another man, so between the ages of 5-12 I figured I'd have to become a girl (an idea I was quite interested in, mind you.) Once I found out that there was a word for a guy who loves other guys I was made in the shade. I never really felt the word applied to me until recently, but I never denied or suppressed my attraction to the same sex.

 

Okay. 36 years. :eusa_doh:

peace,

 

I didn't suppressed mine. I just didn't connect the dots till I was eleven and then I got it.

 

Not really sure what the right answer for me would be. I thought I could be gay at around 11, didn't really start coming out as I am now till I was 22. But for most of that time, thinking I might be gay wasn't a shocking thought that I tried to deny to myself, I just also felt I liked girls, and genuinely did at the time. During some of my early teenage years, I fairly much thought of myself as gay, but didn't really give much thought to coming out, I didn't see much point to it.

That was when I was in a single-sex school. Then at 16, we were mixed, and I found myself attracted to some of the girls, didn't go out with any, but came close. I kind of figured, "Yes, I'm bisexual, but maybe I'm more straight than gay, and maybe it was just that there weren't girls around that made me more gay". I would often find myself feeling more gay during holidays, and that still made sense that way.

During college years, in the first two years, I came close to coming out once or twice, but there were always girls I liked. After meeting an older gay man, who I thought would just casually talk to me about the gay scene but then kissed me, I was turned off being gay, and a few months later had a girlfriend for the first time, which lasted 3 and a half months.

After she broke up with me, for a year, there were two girls that I liked, and wondered for a while with one, then the other, if I had a chance. Then I found out that they had dated themselves. Something about realizing that these girls I liked were lesbians had an effect on me, as a month later, I realized I fancied one of the boys I'm most friends with and started coming out.

So there wasn't really a time that I was denying to myself that I was gay, more a point at which the attraction to boys clearly started to be prevalent over my attraction to girls. And now I'm fairly much completely gay, but I do think that for some reason that time when I had a girlfriend made sense, as in I couldn't have gone gay until I knew what being straight was like, or something like that.

 

I wish I could have accepted it right away. It mayh have made things easier, then again who knows what might have happened in my life if I had? I think things happen for a reason.

It was about 2-3 years for me.

 

0-6 months

I was 13-14 range what made the gayness came out when i noticed this guy in my class and i said wow hes cute. But i tried to deny it and stuff pray it out etc. And when a friend and i had sex and i came out to my self. It was a depressing moment im still in the closet a few close friends knows.

 

I always knew that i never fancied girls from the age of 12 when all my mates would be talking about girls. But then i didnt 'know' that i was gay. I just assumed i hadnt met the girl i fancied. But looking back i did realise that i did fancy guys. But for all the intellect there is, and i know this sounds strange for the next 15+ years i just never connected the two in my head that fancying boys meant that i was gay!!!??

 

That really is a mis-leading mix..

Based on the title of the thread..I'd think that it's how long I denied to other people..in that case about 10 years.

How long I denied to fact to myself.. I really didn't..kinda slowly came to realize and when I did it was more of an "ok..well that explains alot.."

 

I started realizing it at 12, and I came out when I was 14. I was really into God during my tween years so that was what held me back from accepting myself. But, ironically, the first person I came out to was my youth pastor (who was awesome about it), and it just kinda went from there.

 

Well this is not a black and white question.

Ever since I was but a we little lad, I knew something was different. Once I started going through puberty I never really noticed attraction toward women, but I did start noticing men. Though it never really clicked with me. I just assumed I was straight. Though it was this time that other started noticing the way I acted toward other men and commenting I was gay. I thought it was just kid being mean, so I dismissed it. Well they were being mean, but in hindsight there observations were accurate.

I was a was a complete nerd as a teenager so I spent a lot of time on the internet. Well of course I downloaded porn. Back then most internet porn was just pictures. From time to time I would download pictures of men. I just dismissed this as a natural curiosity.

When I was 18 I figured out that I wanted to have sex with men but the significance did not occur to me. Though out my early twenties this desire grew stronger. By the time I was 22 or so I figure I must be bisexual and that I could suppress my same sex desires. Well I did, but I did this by becoming asexual and started forming very close relation ships with other men. They weren't romantic but they were really damn close. Then in my mid twenties it was clear that I was gay. I could not face it, so I just ignored it. It grew stronger and had a plan. I would finish college and move away. With the new start I would deal with it.

I graduated college when I was 27 and moved to Austin. With in months it hit me like a tidal wave. Within 3 months of moving I came out to my self. A couple of months later just shy of my 28th birthday I started coming out to my friends, family and coworkers.

So I've been out for just over a ear. I am much happier than I was before. I still have a long way to go. I cut off a hugh part of myself off from society for a long time. So I am pretty much going through the awkward teenage years in my late twenties.

To sum it up I'll quote the most over quotes words in rock music. "What a long strange trip it's been. "