My mom just got arrested. Again. It's almost for the exact same reason. If anyone remembers, I made a post in May about it happening. After she got out of jail, I saw a glimmer... just a GLIMMER of hope that she would reform herself. I was wrong of course. I was foolish to think that she would ever learn. There's truly no point in having any faith in her. I can't allow myself to believe in her. She clearly doesn't believe in me, so why should I ever try to do the same? It's stupid. It's all fucking stupid and I hate myself for not having tried harder to prevent her from using again. I could've stopped it. It's all my fault. Why else would she be so inconsiderate? I clearly don't deserve to live a normal life if rhis shit keeps on happening. It's a sign, maybe. A sign to change. Maybe if I weren't so abnormal then I'd be better off. This is clearly some kind of punishment for something. Some bad karma. The craziest thing is that I don't even feel upset or angry. I feel completely numb and empty. It's like I'm not even human anymore, if I ever truly was. There's got to be some explanation for all of this. I need a sign or a clue.
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It's important to remember that your mom's actions are NOT your fault. At 14 years old, it's not your responsibility to stop your mother from doing those types of things. I highly doubt that you're "abnormal" or that this is a "punishment" for something you've done. You deserve a normal life just like everyone else does. Perhaps this is the best thing for your mom at this point...it may lead to better things for her. In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself. I hope things work out for you (*hug*)
You CANNOT hold yourself responsible for the bad decisions your mother has made. She is an adult and you are barely a teenager. You say in your signature that your religion is "logic". Fine, then use your logic to realize that "karma" is nonsense superstition and that a 14 cannot be held responsible for the destructive pattern of behavior that his mother exhibits. You are a good person because you obviously love your mother very much to be so distraught over what is going on. All you can do is love your mother and LOVE YOURSELF. If you do this, no one else can or should ever ask anything more of you.
Hey...I know almost exactly how you feel. My mom hasn't been arrested, but she uses quite frequently. First and foremost, and I know you're gonna hear this shit a lot, but it's NOT your fault in any way. You cannot control her actions. You and she both can use you, your actions, your lifestyle, or whatever as excuses, but when it really comes down to it, she is an adult and she has to be held accountable for her actions, good or bad. Right now, you need to worry about yourself, not her. Focus on YOU. What can you do to make this situation better for yourself? Is there any way you can get out of the home? That's what I did; I'm now living with my dad. Hopefully this helps at least a little bit. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk about it more.
One of the most important thing that a child (or, for that matter, a partner) of an addict has to realize is... there is absolutely *nothing* anyone can do to stop their parent/partner/anyone else from using. This is one of the first things they teach you in Alateen and Al-Anon. If you take away their stash, they'll just get another fix. If you try to keep them home, they'll sneak out. The addiction is stronger than anything in their life, and there's absolutely nothing you can do until *they* are ready to change. This is *not* about punishment for you, nor is it a sign for you to change (except maybe to stop expecting your mom to change.) You need to have some reliable adult help, and you also need to find an Alateen or Al-Anon group where you can talk to others who are in your situation. If you want to PM me, I will help you find local resources who can assist you.
I know exactly how you feel...I had someone in my life who was a compulsive alcoholic and drug user for a number of years after I had started entertaining the thought that I might be gay some years ago. Time and time again, their addiction became more important than the relationship that we shared. Each time that they would go back, I would go through the cycle of wondering if it was something I did. And you know what? The addiction was more powerful. Remember, even bad, hurtful, destructive things can look good until it's too late to do anything about them. There isn't anything you can do other than be around and be a safe harbor for your mom, so long as that is safe for you. As Chip said, you need some adult help to help deal with the situation...I'd suggest talking to a teacher, older friend or family member that you trust. As you're going through this, though, remember that this is NOT a punishment for you - you are not abnormal, nobody hates you, you are just fine the way that you are. This is about helping your mom find the courage to change her own behavior, but she has to be the one to make that choice. Good luck, and let us know if we can help (*hug*)
As the other posts above have stated, this is ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. I sincerely encourage you to take Chip's advice and search out someone in whom you can confide, preferably someone who has experience in these situations. One of the hardest parts of growing up is seeing the faults in our parents and role models. They are not perfect people and in many cases they can be quite troubled. Your love for your mom is unconditional, as hers should be for you. There is NOTHING that you can do to change this behavior right now. You need to concentrate on you. Please find a group or a counselor with whom you would feel comfortable in confiding. Having someone there to talk to about this will make a big difference. Good luck!
As Chip has already suggested, get in touch with Alateen. You'll be connected with other young people who are going through the same thing that you're going through - and suddenly you won't feel so ashamed or responsible for what is going on in your life. Getting help is important for 2 reasons. 1. You need help now to cope with this. 2. You need to learn how to cope with things better than your mom so that you don't end up in the same boat. Studies show that addicts often come from families of addicts. Make sure you break that cycle by dealing with the challenges you are facing right now in a healthy and responsible way.
First off you are 14 years old, your Mother should be taking care of you! NOT VICE VERSA. I know you've heard this before, but this isn't your fault. You need to realize that your mother is being selfish, and don't start saying your abnormal, normality is relative and still wouldn't change the situation. Some of the others have provided organizations you can contact to talk with other kids who have parents who put themselves ahead of their kids, knowing you are not alone will help you not feel so empty. The shock a loved one letting you down is enough to make anyone feel numb.
