Hey guys, so now 8 people know i'm gay. I told my friends sarah and jess. I would have no problems with that except that last night I saw sarah for the first time since telling her (we both go to different colleges, home for christmas) she is a very touchy feely person and she knows that i'm not. she kept trying to get me to cuddle with her, but i kept telling her i didnt want to cuddle, because i just dont like to do that, it makes me uncomfortable, not to mention that she now knows i dont like girls. So she kept being like, do you hate me now? I thought we were friends. stuff like that. She asked if i was upset because i thought she was treating me differently because i'm gay. I said, that yes, that was part of it, but also, i'm not the cuddling type, especially not with girls. I dont know what to say to her, she keeps acting like my being gay means that i should want to cuddle and stuff.... some gay guys might cuddle with girls, some even will kiss girls. sure a light peck is fine, i'd do that with any friend if it was clearly just a joke thing. but I do not like to cuddle. Anyone else have problems with these kind of situations? am I being unreasonable?
Oh yeah also, they kept talking about their sexlives. I dont care or want to know about ANY girls vagina. It's like I didnt just tell them all I'm gay?! I dont want to hear about the gyno, I dont have a vagina i cant relate to your problems. then she assumed that I have had sex, or atleast what straight people consider sex, if that makes sense to you guys. which I havent. I have fooled around with other guys but i havent had what most straight peopel would consider sex.
I haven't experienced problems quite like that, but I do know what you mean, like my cousin just thinks it's fine to go on straight porn at any time he can, then when I get a hard on (at the dude) he assumes that I'm straight and only joking when I (repeatedly) tell him I'm Gay.
I'v kindof been feeling like i dont like straight women at ALL right now because they feel they have so much sexual power over men, then they try to exercise that power on gay guys. Why cant they just understand, I'm gay, that means I do not like you and dont care about your sex life, and i REALLY dont want to hear about vaginas. being gay does not make me a girl.
Well you know youre gay and dont like vagina and dont wanna hear about it. How would she know you dont wanna hear bout it?? She probably expects the typical "girl-gay" talk like in the media. You gotta educate her and tell her what youre ok with and what youre not, or else how would she know??
Hi there! I think you just have to let her know that you don't like to be touched and that it does make you uncomfortable and ask her nicely if she could respect that. Also let her know that your sexual identity hasn't changed your friendship and you still like her as a friend. You could tell her "please don't treat or behave differently towards me, just because I reveals my sexual identity to you. I am still the same person, and still like and dislike the same things." I think you would like to have certain boundaries respected and I don't think it is unreasonable to ask not to be touched. I have a couple of friends who don't like to be touched or don't like hugging all that much. I try to respect that. Also, if you are together with your friends, and they start talking about topics you would rather not talk about, let the know that too. Just ask nicely if you guys could talk about something else. At the same time in every friendship there is some give and take. If you can maintain a balance as to what is being talked about, where everyone gets something off their chests or talks about something they want to talk about, your friendships will work a lot better. I hope this helps a bit!
These are good friends from highschool. I told them that I didnt want to talk about their sex lives and I told my friend sarah that I didnt want to cuddle with her more than once and she kept saying that i dont love her so i kept saying, well i am not in love with you, and you're getting really annoying about this. but she kept trying to make ME feel like the one being annoying. ugh. so frustrating.
Well then make sure she/they knows youre serious. Or if its that horrible get new friends, though i highly doubt u would wanna do that since theyre good friends from high school.
Well, I think I have been in Sarah's shoes I am a very affectionnate person, to the point I might be clingy. I have been working on this a lot and I have learned to respect other people boundaries, but I remember that, when I was younger, the fact people didn't want to hug me ment to me that they didn't like me. It happens that one of my closest friend since middle school is gay and came out to me when we were both at university. This guy litteraly hates being touched and hugged, except from his boyfriend. This was something I had a very hard time to understand (for the record, I finaly understood before he came out to me). Because to me, when you love someone, you want to express that love (even in friendship) with physical contact. Fortunatly for me, Vincent is a very smart and sensitive guy. One day I have been trying to hug him again, he just explained me how this make him feel. But he also told me that he do love me, and he often did small things to prove me I was special to him. Like for exemple he bought me flowers from time to time. I suggest you to ask Sarah for a coffee, just the two of you and to tell her that this hugging thing is becoming a problem for you. That you understand that this is the way she express her affection but that it makes you very uncomfortable, not because you're gay, but because this is who you are. And in the mean time, reassure her on the fact she is a special and precious friend for you. And maybe you can try to replace the hugging by doing something else, like for exemple giving her a special nickname, that you'll be the only one to use (that's one of the thing Vincent did for me, we have for each other special nicknames). The main idea is to reassure her, because this is probably what she needs most : being reassured that you still like her, even if you can't express it the way she want to. I hope it helps a little. Take care, Eleanor
hugging doesnt really make me uncomfortable at all, because it's just one quick thing, but if someone wants to cuddle with me on a couch, i'm so not okay with that. Like maybe if it was a guy that I liked or something, otherwise it's awkward and pointless and it makes me feel really self-concious... i can hug people, that's fine, but i'm not going to cuddle with anyone...
I like what Eleanor says in terms of dealing with it. But it also seems to me that your friend(s) think that because they've found out you're gay, they want the stereotypical "gay best friend" from tv and movies--just one of the girls. Maybe you'll just need to work on them to convince them that you are still a dude who didn't want to cuddle or talk about women's sex lives, just like before.
I know what you mean. I have a friend who, thankfully for me, lives in Alaska now, but she wanted to cuddle when she visited recently. I think that some girls, once they find out you're gay, feel safer around you. They know that if they cuddle or kiss you that it won't turn you on, they won't have expectations to live up to, and it will be just some innocent fun and comfort. However, it seems to be a byproduct of an over-sexualized or under-sexualized person from what I've seen. Generally, those types of girls either fawn over anything with 2.5 legs lol or they are so starved for attention that they see you as a non-threat to dumping or rejecting them since you don't take it seriously. My advice is to appreciate that she likes you enough to feel comfortable about cuddling, but to just tell her that it's not your thing if she's not a guy, just like she probably wouldn't want to cuddle with another girl (I assume). It's sort of a flip-flop of the aggressive guy: the flirty girl.
my problem with that first part is that i feel very strongly about not being used and that's exactly what happens when straight girls do these kinds of things. Just because i'm gay, I'm not here for you to get all your needs from without consequence, I can still reject you and I will if you pull that kind of stuff with me. I think she got upset because I was rejecting her...
I know what you mean. I have a close guy friend that loves to cuddle. He's a total flirt and sometimes asks me for a cuddle or massage to which I smile and say no. I don't really feel comfortable cuddling with guys (unless they're gay) and in this case, I know he has had a crush on me for a while so it's just not comfortable past that friends space other than the occasional hug.
Yup, I've been in this situation. "For the hundredth time, I don't want to see the Twilight movie with you!!" Some girls assume that because we're gay, we are virtually the same as girls - as fair dues, some gay guys do like to behave more "girly" than others - but we aren't the same. So, keep your space, tell people what you are comfortable with, and stand your ground (don't see Twilight if you don't want to!!). Merrry Christmas!
