Anyway I recently went to a party and I did not want to drink but was offered a drink there by the hoast and everyone there asked me to drink there which I did. when I finished the drink I was offered another drink and due to peer pressure I drank it. After awhile everyone was drunk and people started taking their clothes off. I was asked to take mine off but I said no and most people asked me to take off their clothes as most were naked. I said no but eventually agreed to have only my underwear on. However after I had my underwear on, a guy asked me to take it off and I said no and he tried to take it off and I stuggled to keep it on. A guy near by saw my struggles and told the guy that was trying to take off myunderwear to back off which he did. Half the guys there tryed to make sexual advances to me and I was not up to that, and this guy there started fondling me and I did not want that and did not struggle as I was with a group of people there and did not want a scene. Besides I felt I owned him it since he offered me drinks and a spare bed for the night. I was not necessary in the condition to drive home as I been drinking. I went to bed not long after in the spare room as felt the party was too much for me. I closed the door and turned off the light and hoped I did not want to be disturbed. However the guy that offered me drinks went to my room and started to offer me sexual advances. I was not up to it but allowed him to play with me. I also felt compelled for him to do it to me since it was his house and an invited guest here. I just felt cheap and did not feel good at all. The next day I just pretented nothing happened and had a bit of talk with the guy and just went home. For me it was just very weird that night.
I have had a similar situation with sort of emotional blackmail to try to get me to have sex. I was not cool with it, but it was amazingly uncomfortable, and very hard to say no. But in the end, that's what I did. I think my exact words were "look, stop. I'm not cool with this." He stopped. Problem is, if you give an inch, it'll be hard to stop giving inches, then a mile, then as far as they want. So the next time I was in that kind of situation, I just gave them no sign that their attention was wanted, and when they started to make me uncomfortable, I just told them to stop with a steady voice, grabbed their hand and moved it away.
awww I'am really sorry that you had to go through that,and I gess I can't really help since I have not been in that situation,but I'am really sorry,that sounds extreamly crappy
thanks schu next time if I in a similar situation I hopefully be more assertive.I will not want to see this guy again and dont intend to.
i will admit i have treated someone like this that i love dearly, the situation is that we have broken up and he says he still loves me and wants to open up, and we both know that when we have sex we feel closer to each other, and he told me he didnt want to and i played it off as that he didnt want to feel that close to me, it was a mistake and i realized it afterwards and appologized alot for it, he forgave me and i now know that we can get closer and feel closer without sex.... (*hug*)
(*hug*) <- I think you need one of those. That wasn't okay for him to do. You don't have to get into any sexual hijinks with anyone you don't want to. It is always okay to say "no," and always okay to be adamant about it. In fact, I believe you are supposed to be. Even drunk, I'd think (hope?) he wouldn't have kicked you out or anything. I mean, there was plenty-o-butt going around that night, it wasn't like he didn't have options...alot of options by the sound of it. Lastly, you didn't do anything excessively stupid or unsafe*, it was just a weird night with weird people and some booze; nothing bad happened, only something very uncomfortable. You were in a weird spot peer-pressure wise, and I doubt anyone could have been in that situation and not have something weird happen. The other guy is the one with issues; randomly advancing on someone who has said no numerous times is screwed up, plus it sounds like he was planning it, which is creepy. Don't beat yourself up over it, dude. You are okay, just be more assertive next time (if there is a next time, which I pray is not the case). Take a note from the Straight Man's Bar Scene Guide and get a designated wing man for back up. More hugs (*hug*)(*hug*) *Okay, being buzzed in a room with a bunch of other (presumably gay) drunk and horny guys all naked and messing around like the world is gonna end is a recipe for unsafe, and date rape, which you seem to have had a too-close-for-comfort encounter with. That can be heavy crap. But you kept your wits about you pretty well. p.s. Huh...is it it weird to give advice to a 35 year old guy when you're 21 and have never dated before? And does that make the advice any less valid? ethelred reflects on this...
well I did not do any unsafe sex with him. I can defend myself as a black belt but the problem is I just can be too nice. Well I now suffer the consequenses for that due to not being assertive when I was in bed and the guy started making sexual advances with me there.
Practice saying "no" because you never "owe" someone sex. You could owe him a drink back, but there is absolutely no reason that this debt has to be paid with sex. If you feel uncomfortable, make it clear that you're not interested. Anything less may not make it clear to people who have been drinking.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that situation. That is awful. I was in a similar situation once where someone wanted sexual favors after they had helped me out and it was a very akward situation, so I know what that feels like. I'm glad to hear that you are okay and don't think anything too awful happened, just that you were made uncomforable. Like others have said, practice saying no in front of a mirror or something. It sounds dumb, but its easier to say no if you have thought it out in advance.
:eusa_clap dude, there was absolutely no reason to feel the need to owe him anything! He offered it to you willingly. I can't empathise because I haven't been in a situation quite like that, but I think it's very important you learn to say "no" and to be an individual at all times, especially in "peer pressure-filled" environments. You never actually owe anyone anything - people return favours out of the goodness of their hearts when they want to do it. Do you have any issues with self-esteem or confidence? Have you had in the past? You may even want to see a counsellor to improve these vital traits, and also to talk to someone about this experience. I imagine that it was actually terribly traumatic for you(*hug*). I really hope you can find a way to feel good about it all and learn something from this experience. Try take the "good" out of it, as hard as that may seem. Don't worry if you can't find it in yourself to do that immediately.
If buying someone a drink or letting them crash at your place means they owe you sex, I have a LOT of people who are owing me sex right now... You can ALWAYS say "I don't want to do this." If you don't like him fondling you, or even touching you in any way, you have the right to tell him that. I don't care if he bought you drinks, dinner, or the whole fucking restaurant. Lex
Peer pressure can be a bitch. But you gotta work through it and do whats best for you. I too am a person that cant say no sometimes and its hard. You just gotta remember what the after effect will be and how you will feel after you give in.
