Over this past year, I've come to accept myself as being gay. During this process I weighed heavily what my thoughts were of what the future could be like living a gay vs. a straight lifestyle. Through this, I created a list for myself of why I really wanted to be gay/straight (gay won out by a long a shot). One of the things that made it onto my 'want to be straight' list was that I have always dreamed of being a father and having a son/daughter that is made from me. I saw at the time that if I chose to live a gay lifestyle that I would be giving this up. Since then (when I was quite ignorant), I came across this article in the Wall Street Journal: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704252004574459003279407832.html Having read this, I've regained hope in my dreams for becoming a father. However, I still have concerns and disappointments. Surrogacy seems pretty sketch, at least the way it's presented in the above article. I would feel really uncomfortable trusting someone I hardly know that much with something so important. Does anyone know more about surrogacy or any other options? I consider myself quite ignorant on the topic and hope to remedy that. Oh, and for disappointments... I'm sad that I wont ever be able to create life from the person I love and myself. I wish, I wish, I wish it could be so
dood.. i feel the same way. after my lil brother was born i started loving babies and kids. i know i want to have one (not physically heh) sometime in the future when i'm settled. single or not.. i'm getting a kid lol u may not be able to create life with the person you love, but you can help raise him/her. i mean, creating is not even half the fun (though i've heard it could be)
If I happen to marry a guy, I will get a surrigate mother. My friends mother was pregnant and she warned me that it's not fun. I think seeing the child grow up is much more important. You can still have a child, just not with a wife.
i know exactly what you mean too. i definitely want to have children, and i want them to be my children (or just one if that's all that's possible-but in best case scenario i'd have one and he could have one). i'm sure that surrogacy isn't always that sketchy. that particular article was newsworthy because it was a rare and shocking incidence. i'm sure there are plenty of ways to find surrogate centers and many ways to do it as well (including possibly using a very good friend). i think doctors, or maybe planned parenthood might know something. its not like surrogacy is completely unheard of.
Adoption is also a very worthy consideration. There are thousands of children who need good homes, and it is becoming easier all the time for gay couples to adopt.
My boyfriend and I want to have children eventually. It took me a while to warm up to the idea, just because I had never been comfortable with being gay and certainly not ever seeing myself with children. Luckily, after being around kids and stuff, I have really warmed up to the idea. At first my boyfriend wanted to do surrogacy, but I am trying to convince him that we should just adopt. There are so many children who need a set of loving parents already, that it just seems like such a good answer. To me being a family doesn't have anything to do with DNA or shit, it's about loving each other through everything and sacrificing for each other. The only thing I worry about is what a kid with gay parents might have to go through...being teased by other kids and stuff. There are books on that though, so hopefully we'll have to read some of that.
Kids will always tease and get teased. There is nothing you can do about that. Having two dads has it's advantages. The child get to know about that sort of relationship from an early age, and will never see it as strange. If you are involved in gay culture/activism, that is a wonderful thing for anyone to be a part of, including children. And if your child grows up healthy and well adjusted, there will be yet another counterexample for all those people who doubt the validity of gay parents.
Same feelings here too. My desire to have a child is just too strong to keep me from waiting until I'm too old to have one - which btw brings up something else. I don't want to be old when I have kids. My parents had my sister and I when they were 21 and then at 23. Too early for me I think, but I still want to be young and lively when I have my kid. I also still want to be youthful when my kid is old enough to be in college. I don't want to be starting a family at 30, I just hope I can set up the support for one before that. That would be the best case scenario, and it would be so awesome I agree too that the growing up part is the most important. I hear that the pregnancy part is really only meaningful for the woman anyway. I see surrogacy as being a reasonable choice- but how do you find someone to do that for you? I know of one case in my family where my cousins weren't able to have their own children, and their niece volunteered to serve as a gestational carrier for the twins that they now have. This was amazing that she opted to do this, and it meant a ton to my family, but I don't see it as something that happens very commonly. In my absolute best dreams I could have my love's relation be my surrogate and my sister or one of my cousins could be his surrogate, but I can't even begin to think of how awkward that would be to bring up.
I am actually excited because my boyfriend's sister just had a baby, so I am actually getting to be called "uncle" :icon_bigg. She lives near enough that I am going to get to see the baby regularly and stuff, so it will be interesting getting to be part of a gay couple in that child's life. Being around that baby has me so excited about getting to be a father...it's like a little of preview of what me and my boyfriend get to look foward to! And I know kids are going to be teased...I'm not going to let that stop me...hopefully by the time he is getting old enough to know what being gay is people will be a little more accepting.
I've considered the idea of adoption, but am wary of it. My mom was adopted, and her situation was absolutely awesome and has turned out amazing. However, I've grown up with some friends that were adopted and I am afraid of ever having some of the family dynamics that they have, which seem to stem purely from the fact that they were adopted. I also share the concern with the teasing and dealing with life having gay parents, and I see it potentially being a lot worse if I were to adopt. I could fully see a child under that situation being angry at me for putting them into this situation when they could have ended up in a standard household with 'normal' parents. Also, you mentioned some support books, could you drop the name of some by chance?
I can't name any books off hand. I work at the library though, and I saw several when I was shelving the other day. You might try google books too...I feel like I looked them up once on there and found a few things. If I happen to see any ones that look good this week, I'll post them here . Also, I know a girl who was adopted by a lesbian couple. She was very intelligent and well adjusted. I was actually so oblivious that I didn't realize her mother way a lesbian until I was a junior in high-school. I suddenly realized that her "aunt" wasn't really an aunt. You think of all people a gay guy would have realized what was going on....:eusa_doh:
ERm btw in regards to not being able to have a child from both you and your partner...they are saying using stem cell research, they may someday in like 3 or more years, be able to merge both sperm cells in order to create a child. Apparently possibly without even needing an egg :S. I know this is basically like test tube babies, but I'm just saying is all, it could be possible someday.
like you all, i also want a kid. however, sometimes i am haunted by the thought that my child will be confused/teased as they have two fathers as opposed to a mum and a dad like many others. i think this topic warrants a thread on its own. i would like to know if any of the EC members have kids and how they deal with the emotional aspects of the children and themselves as the kids grow up.
I was really excited when I heard about this. You would still need to find a surrogate, since the true 'test tube baby' is not quite possible yet. Alternatively you could mix your sperm and leave it up to chance, which one is the "real' father.
i'd cut down on that as much as possible by living in an accepting neighborhood. there's a school right in the gay district here for example, so the kids would have likely been exposed to the culture already. and from what i've seen, younger generations are more gay friendly than the older ones, and that trend is going to get stronger each generation.
Talk about dream come true... I had fantasized about this a bit when I was thinking of other possibilities besides true surrogacy. Really there shouldn't be much besides some biological mechanisms that need to be overcome... I got disheartened though when I began to think of the likelihood that such research would be funded.... I'm elated to hear though that the projection is only ~three years out
