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"Just act as if they knew all along!"

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Filip, Nov 29, 2009.

  1. Filip

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    It’s been a time since I last posted a coming out story, but after last night, I find myself really wanting to share the latest one. So here goes:

    When I look at where I was a year ago, and where I am now, I find myself quite surprised to realise that I’m out to way more people than I ever thought possible. Ever since I came out to myself, the plan was always to come out to friends and close family first, other family second and others somewhere along the way.

    However, after the initial coming out to a few very close friends, my mom and my brother, the whole coming out process just seemed to stall. As it turned out, it wasn’t as easy to come out to my earliest friends as I thought. After all, how to tell people I’ve known since I was 10 or 11 that I spent most of the time hiding a quite substantial secret from them? In the end, it wasn’t my sexuality that was the problem, but the fact that I felt they would feel betrayed.

    I rarely see my friends one on one, and so coming out to each separately was difficult. And I never felt like starting a big “look at me” moment either when we're going out as a group. Luckily the one gay friend in the group (the first person I came out to, in fact) had a suggestion: “Just go in, be open about it, and act as if they knew all along!” It seemed almost too silly to even try when he said it, but yesterday, when meeting my friends for a night out, something just suddenly clicked, and I commented on a cute guy to my gay friend. He quickly took the hint, and followed up on it.

    To my surprise, the others just rolled with it. Some caught it earlier than the others, which led to some glances back and forth. But to my enormous amazement, they did just accept it right away. An hour later we were making jokes about it. By the end of the evening we were discussing guys from high school who turned out to be gay (which were quite a substantial amount. If only we had known about each other back then…)

    Only one time did one of them question why I didn’t tell them sooner. I just said that it’s sometimes harder to tell people I’ve known all along than to tell new people I meet. After a second of thinking she said that did make a lot of sense. But that was the only mention that was made of this being a real coming-out.

    So the result is now that I’m out to all my friends (except for one or two stragglers, but they will be told in short order now)

    I might have actually sung out loud in the car driving back home by myself :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I do owe a lot of thanks to my one gay friend, but also to you guys here. Without your support, I don’t think I would have ever done this! (&&&)
     
  2. Dr Acula

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    That's the way I'm going to play it. I've thankfully managed to tell my family and my closest friends, but everyone else just has to look on my Facebook to know that I'm gay. I see it as a win-win - if they haven't looked then evidently they can't blame me for not telling them and if they have then there's no surprises :grin:. Obviously this falters with people who aren't on Facebook, but I've yet to meet someone who isn't.
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

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    Congratulations Pomme d'Amour :slight_smile:
     
  4. Ben

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    That makes me very happy to read, Filip.
    Because people are really awesome. And I guess that's a good technique to use because it's not like you're making a dramatic statement.
    Congratulations :grin:

    Dancing banana time:
    (!)(!!)(!)(!!)(!)
     
  5. Mirko

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    That's fantastic Filip! Congratulations!

    A great way to come out...
     
  6. zzzero

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    I wish I could do that! ha ha that sounds great. my friend came out to a lot of our friends in a similar way... We were playing never have i ever and he just acted like it wasnt a big deal... and it wasnt... i wish i had the balls for that ha ha.
     
  7. Silvermark

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    I sort of did that to one of my newer friends at college... Made a passing remark to my other friend about how he was no fun because he was "The straightest guy I knew". I think she caught on xD
     
  8. Gaetan

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    This really is great. :grin:
    If I run into some of my old high school friends I may try this method out.
     
  9. fulofbul

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    Congrats. I am starting to come out myself in this year but not in the manner that you did. you got guts boy!
     
  10. Filip

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    Thanks for al the congratulations guys! I still feel oddly hyper about this two days later. In fact, I think that this is how I might do it at work too. Whenever the topic comes up (as it does every so often), instead of not participating, I might just chip in as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

    I don't think I'll do it like this with family though. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

    I'm sure you have the balls for it. I'm sure we all have. We just need to realise we have! Especially if you've seen them accept your friend, then why not take the leap of faith yourself?
    Now, I'm not saying you have to, but don't discount it. I discounted it almost until seconds before I actually did it, and then I went "screw it, this closet isn't worth it anymore".
    If anything, I now regret waiting 8 years after my friend came out and I saw them accepting him...
     
  11. shorty

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    Good for you Filip! I am starting to think that the less of a big deal you make about being gay, the less most others will make a deal of it. Lucky you to have a gay friend to help you out with it, and accepting friends about it.
     
  12. davo-man

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    Congrats :grin: That's basically the way I play it whenever I meet new people. I figure in my head that someone's probably told them that I am, so I act normally and they usually get the hint if they actually haven't been told
     
  13. EM68

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    Congrats Filip! I love how you came out. I should try it!
     
  14. Steve

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    go filip FILIP <3 i want your babies !
    congratz filip thats cool
     
  15. lostinthought9

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    YAY!!!! Congrats Filip!!!
    WOOOT! :grin:
    I'm so happy for you! :slight_smile:
     
  16. Jim1454

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    That's really great Filip! I'm glad it went well. Congratulations!