Is celibacy wrong?

Er... I just don't see why you would choose celibacy. Why not just get the hell outta dodge? Is it that hard to emigrate away from your country? Further more, people aren't stupid. Since we don't know where you are from, I'm going to assume that a male who never shows interest in anyone will be subject to questioning in regards to their orientation. You can't hide your sexuality forever; you could slip up. If you are that worried about the legal consequences, it might be time to leave the country.

And besides, humans are sexual creatures. Just because you are attracted to the same sex does not mean you should denied the emotional and physical benefits of sex.

 

Ultimately, celibacy is the only choice you've got if you stay in your country with the threat of prison and capital punishment. You could lead a very happy life with someone somewhere else, as it will probably be very frustrating for you to stay single forever. Maybe you should consider trying to find a job or going to school abroad.

 

Of course it is possible.
Many monks and priests in the centuries before and currently have taken vows of celibacy. Some when they are young and live their lives as monks. And there are people who are asexual, who do not enjoy sex or really have the desire to have sex and may have sex rarely. Asexual does not mean lack of attraction or feelings, just less pleasure from sexual activity physically, mentally, emotionally.
However, to choose celibacy only because you are afraid of other people finding out you have homosexual feelings may not be the best option and could be harmful. you would be denying part of who you are and in a sense, running from it; avoiding it. Maybe there is some way you could move away to liberalized city or area and allow yourself to be who you are. :icon_bigg
(*hug*)

 

Well not ever "getting off" is bad for you

Like the others have said, getting a one way ticket out of your country and never coming back is the best option. I dont think its worth staying in a place that wants to jail or kill you for being born. Even if you do stay and become celibate, your always going to have feelings of guilt and shame that could lead to some really bad things, plus all the secrecy? Its a recipe for disaster.

However just telling you "GTFO of your country" is not exactly helpful. Depending on how old you are it might not be that easy. If you want to stay celibate until you can find a way out thats a good idea. The going away for school suggestion was really good, and you might want to look into that.

 

I dont think celibacy is wrong and there are many that choose to live like that, but is that going to make you happy? If you want to be celebrate in order to please others and not yourself that is not going to make you happy.

Anyway you have not said what country you are from or how old you are. Like others have said perhaps you could apply for school in another country.

Anyway it is possible to live a gay life in the country where you live but of course you have to be discrete about it. Perhaps you could move to a more liberal city of your country.

 

If its what YOU really want to do then do it.

From my point of view celibacy does more harm than good. We hear story after story of catholic priests who commit to celibacy who do so because of homosexuality and pedofilia. Then they end up on the news. Do it because you WANT to not because you have to in order to hide. Make sure this is the right decision for you, not your family.

 

I guess my question would be whether you could get somewhere where homosexuality ISN'T a crime.

Lex

 

wat does cilbacy mean?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy

 

If you CAN move somewhere else easily, but you're just not considering it a reasonable option, remember that even though it'll be hard to leave your home, your friends and family, your old life, you need to decide what would be best in the long term. You can always keep contact and return for visits if you move away.

 

Being celibate isn't wrong. Catholic priests have been doing it without any problems.... oh wait.... never mind.

Yes you can live your life celibate and be fine. Emotionally, psychologically it isn't ideal, but you can manage. I would say celibacy isn't a bad idea for the time being, but you don't want to live your entire life that way. Like Lex said, you want to go somewhere that it isn't a crime so you can be happier. Life without sex isn't a big deal but life without love is more difficult. Do the best you can and keep us informed, but you have the right idea, it isn't worth risking your life just to get laid.

 

You stated:for the sake of me, and my family, I have decided to NEVER fall for a guy, never. Not under any circumstance. Well I was like you there and even hated the idea I was gay. When I was your age I was scared. I could never control my feelings of guys and fell for guys, even though I vowed not to.

Even when you stated that your country is conservative and homosexuality is illegal, of course thesedays society could be a bit more liberal now as no country can live in complete isolation from the rest of the world. An example of a country kind of opening up is Saudi Arabia and a book was released not so long ago called : Banat al-Riyadh, or The Girls of Riyadh, and speaks openly of sex, lesbianism and young women's desire to lead freer lives. Of course 30 years ago a book like that would be refused permission to be released in Saudi Arabia but its now avalable in Saudi Arabia. I believe some of those countries that deem homosexuality illegal would gradually become liberal but change there would be slow.

Anyway when you get a bit older your parents would expect you to get married. Would you be happy being married even though you are gay? Would the wife be happy married to a gay man?

 

Celibacy is a very difficult choice. I know of several people who have chosen celibacy for different reasons, including a young man (24) who is keeping himself for his wedding night. I respect and admire that, but I know it is difficult. Personally, I have chosen a different form of celibacy as I am a gay man who is married; because I do not want to hurt my wife or my children, I am working on remaining celibate - it is not easy and involves other forms of "physical relief". While I don't think it is bad for you physically, but I do know that it can be very bad indeed for you mentally, psychologically: you need tenderness, you need someone to touch/to touch you. Complete celibacy ("Never. Not under any circumstance") will probably encourage you to have no emotions, no feelings. Like an aunt of mine, you end up never being sad, never being happy, never crying, never laughing - just cynical.

 

At 16 your family is important to you. As time goes on though, I think that will change. As you grow into adulthood, I expect that you'll resent the 'vow' of celibacy that you've taken. You would have taken it for other people rather than for yourself. That's the part that will make it difficult to maintain.

Give this time. Don't make any life long decisions. Just make decisions that are right for you now. For now, keeping your orientation to yourself might be the right thing to do.

There was another member here who is from Kuwait. He is now living in the US for university studies and is more free to be himself. If youi want to contact me directly I can see if he'd be willing to talk to you over IM. Let me know.

 

As some others have said, I believe you should take it day by day. There is nothing wrong with celibacy--as was said above, many people choose to do so for their entire lives for their own reasons.
However, celibacy, or rather a vow of celibacy, is a very big decision, and at 16 I don't think you should make a big decision like that. Take it day by day.
The situation is definitely a formidable one. The only option to practice your homosexuality openly (if that's the right term) would be to leave the country, but considering your devotion to your family I would say that you wouldn't want to do that. At least not now. Again, take it day by day.
There's nothing wrong with that decision, but it simply may not be the time to make that decision. And I hope it all works out. (*hug*)

 

Frankly you can let your family react all they want in a few years when you've moved to a different country. If they can't accept you the way you are then I would say it's not worth wasting your time with them. Yes, I understand you love your family, but if they can treat you so poorly based on something so minor as sexuality then they aren't worth your time. Your happiness is important and you need to take care of yourself first. For the time being, don't worry about it. Just continue doing what you're doing and don't fall for someone. BUT in a few years if you want to leave the country that is a valid option. Don't feel guilty about leaving your family behind and don't feel like you're betraying your country. A country is supposed to do what is best for its citizens, and so far as I can see, your country has failed you. Down the road you have to make a decision: keep your loyalty to a family and country that won't do what's best for you, or move on and live a happier life without them.

 

It is up to you decide how you will choose to live your life. I am not going to suggest that celibacy is wrong for you. That is your decision. I can tell you from my own experience living in the closet until I was over 40 years old, and trying to deny I was gay for the benefit of my family, that denying who you are will lead to a very sad, unfulfilled life. While you think you can do it when you are young (I know I thought I could), it takes a severe toll on you over the years. Depression is inevitable and suicidal thoughts are nearly certain.

You have one life to live here on earth. Once you are dead, there is no second chance. You have to decide what kind of life you want to live. You can choose to live a happy, fulfilling life or you can choose to live one that is sad and unfulfilled. Only you can make that decision. Likewise, only you will feel the pain or happiness that results from that decision. When you open your eyes in the morning, you are the one who has to get out of bed and live your life – not your family.

This is not an easy issue, particularly because of where you currently live. You certainly don’t have to make this decision now. I would not agonize over these kinds of decisions at this stage in your life. You are still very young, and you will likely change as you get older in ways you cannot predict today. Take it day by day right now. Although I understand your family is in your country, consider studying abroad after high school in a country with a more tolerant attitude towards gay people. Expand your horizons and live for yourself for a time. At that point, you can reassess. If you still choose to live life without sex and love, at least you will have given life a chance and made the decision with your eyes wide open to all that you are giving up.