How to "give away" that your bi/gay

Shouldn't you be happy that having short hair and supporting the pride movement doesn't pigeonhole you as being gay? Breaking stereotypes, FTW!

Many straight people support the pride movement through visual associations (rainbow items or keychains) which is why you cannot be assumed to be gay based on your outward associations. I think it's a good thing for the Pride movement, the idea of Pride extends beyond just being LGBTQQI and is more encompassing of all people being proud of whoever they are (gay, straight, lesbian, etc).

If you want people to know you are bi, gay, trans, etc. just be that and they will figure it out. If they want to recognize it, they will. Straight people don't go around announcing their sexuality, why should gay people be held to a different expectation?

 

Could I recommend this shirt:

http://rlv.zcache.com/yes_i_am_gay_tshirt-p235617391815007488qsfl_400.jpg


But seriously, if a suitable conversation comes up in which you could mention it, just go for it. Don't make a big deal out of it, and you lower the chances of whoever you're telling seeing it as a big deal. Making jokes and humourous remarks hinting at the fact that you're bi might also work well.

 

lulz, that would get it done.

 

It's not that gay people are held to a different standard, it's that because heterosexism is so omnipresent, most people assume everyone is straight and we have to declare our sexual orientation to correct the misassumption.

You might ask why so many people feel the need to correct the mistake. Some don't, it's true, but most people don't like it when people assume something fundamental about them and are utterly wrong.

And as a result, gay people are accused of "flaunting" their sexuality, when in reality it's heterosexist assumptions that force us to either remain silent and be totally misjudged or, unlike straight people, require us to proclaim that we're gay.

 

I see the paradox you are describing. It's such a strange dichotomy to consider.

 

Oh Lex you make it sound so simple.

 

Hold on. Woah! Why do you think this is YOUR problem? It's the problem of everyone who makes stupid assumptions about other people's sexuality based on their appearance. I promise you that for every gay/bi guy who feels unnoticed like you there is a guy that everyone assumes is gay that would love to trade with you.

Sometimes, if you want people to know, you'll have to tell them. Often, flirting with boys is just seen as something silly that straight boys do (don't ask me why). But don't feel like you should have to change the way you act so others don't get "confused."

One thing I have to ask is: are you out yet? I know sometimes I respond hostilely to guys that are getting close out of a fear of being outed. Even if you are out or ready to get out, you could still be acting based on this. I mean if you're pushing people away. But if that's just your personality, you don't have to change it because you're bi.

 

Well it would be nice if somehow getting assumed to be straight when you're not somehow didn't disadvantage people but however much it may not be the fault of gay people, we're the ones who have to bear the effects of the assumption.

I don't think the original poster was talking about major changes to how they act in order to make their gayness more apparent. But the fact is that if certain people don't make at least some effort to signal that they're gay (symbols like rainbows, talking about who they're into, etc.) then they'll quite likely end up missing out on certain opportunities (oh my gosh, I would have totally asked you out if I'd had any clue you were gay... have you met my awesome boyfriend?).

So sure, you can be hardcore and purist about it and refuse to make any concessions to heterosexist assumptions. But in a lot of ways that'll result in you cutting off your nose to spite your face. I don't think recognising that people make these assumptions and adjusting to deal with that is necessarily the same thing as capitulating and saying those assumptions are okay.

 

You could get a bag or something which has a bi thing on it. Myself, I'm rather hankering after one of the "I [bat picture] for both" bags here:
http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Main/TheShop

 

I'm very temped to buy a shirt now.

 

Those are awesome. Buy one!

 

I get this, apparently I 'act straight' (whatever the fuck that means) most of the time, and almost everyone I meet doesn't think I'm gay until I tell them. I would love to get a pride keychain or belt or something, but I don't know anywhere round here that would sell me something like that.

 

Sometimes you don't even need to do anything! I just came out to one of my friends and she just picked up on the things that I would do by actually paying attention to me. I guess I have given off signs even when I didn't think I was, and she has known for a while, but hasn't said anything

 

There should be plenty of stuff you can order online if you have access to a credit card and if your parents aren't snoopy about your mail--in which case, ask a friend to order it for you?

 

I really get what you are talking about, after being married for almost 20 years, no one would have thought that I am gay, there may be very subtle signs, but you would have to spend considerable time with me.

Definitely, as a practical matter, now that I am more and more out (and to those I've so far told, I ask: would you have ever thought that of me? and the answer is simply, no), I want to let people know that I am gay, and definitely I do not want to miss out on the opportunities that inevitably present themselves in the random walk through life. There are ways to do this subtly and tastefully, I think...