So I just told my parents. It was horrible. I knew they weren't going to immediately cheer, hug me and start hanging rainbow flags everywhere, but their reaction was horrible. I'd actually have preferred it if they'd shouted, got really angry/disappointed, but they just kind of sat there, slightly bemused and shocked. When I did manage to get them to say anything at all, they said possibly the two worst things possible: 1) You're too young to know. It's just a phase (I almost had to stifle a giggle when they used the sentence "just a phase", it's so cliched) and 2) They tried to guilt trip me into not coming out in school (as I had been planning to do) by saying they didn't want my grades to be affected by all the pointless worry and they didn't want me to be bullied and they didn't want my little sister to find out (because they had brought her up to be so closed minded that it would severely traumatize her) or worse have her be bullied because of it. Now I really wish I had told everyone else first, and I would give anything to have the last hour back. As it is, I'm stuck with a pile of extra worry because my parents want me to have less. They said it's supposed to be like having a weight lifted off you. But now it just feels twice as heavy.
I'm so sorry it went like that. (*hug*) It sounds like they don't want you to come out to others because it would make it seem more "real"--they want your help in their denial. I think you should do what you're comfortable with. It may be that as your parents see you happy and confident in who you are they'll start to come around. Put another way, once they realize that it's not "just a phase" and that it is who you are, they might accept it.
Well congrats on having the courage to do so, having that much courage is amazing. Only half as much is needed to get through the rest. Just leave it die a bit, let it sink in, but don't let it be forgotten!!! How old is your sister? Much younger? If they have the excuse of bringing her up close minded, persuade to tell her otherwise, kids soon follow suit to the parents, don't let them use her as a weapon.
Im sorry that your going through that. Just remember that this is big news to them, and you are their child, Im sure they are just worried. However, you will have to help them understand that this is who you are. Stay strong! It has to get worse before it gets better. In the long run I hope that your parents will open up and be more capable of dealing with this. We are all here for you. (&&&)
Congrats of coming out to your parents. I am actually going to come out to mine this week. I hope they come around soon. They are going through their own coming out process. You may want to print out some PFLAG material for them to read. There is a booklet, 'Our Daughters, Our Sons' . Its for parents who find out their child is gay. Good Luck.(*hug*)
Sorry it went so badly. My mother said the exact same thing to me- you're too young, just a phase, don't tell anyone. I know it's tough but like Michael said, don't let them forget. I couldn't find the courage to say anything to my mom since, and she's just pretending I never said anything.
sorry to hear that it went down like that (*hug*) but the night is always darkest before the dawn ( yes i totally just quoted someone off batman =)
I'm so sorry to hear that it went badly. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) Out of curiosity, how old are you? If you're uncomfortable saying, that's okay. Well, you can try to explain to them why you feel this way. You can bring up the ever-used conterstatment, asking them when the knew that they were straight? If you want to come out at school, then you should do it. Whatever you do decide, do it for yourself, and not for someone else.
I'm really sorry that they reacted like that (*hug*) Obviously you know a lot more about the situation than we do, and I'm not sure how much of this you brought up in your original discussion, but I'd suggest to write them a letter that mentions something like this: "My sexuality is not a decision I made or a phase that I'll grow out of. My deciding to come out to you seemed sudden to you, but for me it came after a long time spent thinking, bargaining, denying and eventually accepting. I know that this is tough for you, and that you feel that denying my sexuality is your way of coping with it or hoping it will go away, but this isn't the case. Refusing to acknowledge that I'm gay won't change the fact that it's the way I am, and will only hurt all of us." I'm sure Becky can come to your aid with some PFLAG information too, which will probably be really helpful as a lot of it is aimed at parents exactly like yours.
I'm sorry it didn't go so well for you.. People are going to find out eventually, so you might as well go ahead and tell whoever you want to tell, this is your life, your sexuality, your decision. Your sister is going to know anyway, now or later, I don't think it'll change much. My brother knew when he was 9 and he's perfectly ok with it. Then you'll need to educate your parents about your orientation, real parents love their kids no matter who they sleep with. For school, it depends how you handle bullying, I never had to face that. I'm not sure how coming out will affect your grades more than if you stay in the closet, a closet full of worries, stress and lies.
Thanks, I'm going out with a friend today so I might leave something on the table for them to read. And probably steal directly from that eloquent piece of writing I think my parents are worried about bullying because I got a lot of it when I was younger, being Aspergers and all (incidentally another reason they brought up for my "confusion"), but since then we've moved to an area where people tend to be a lot more accepting. I just need to convince them of that!
Parents worry about alot of things when their kids come out so what you need to do is ease their fears. You do that by educating them on homosexuality. Here is the information: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416 There is also a great book called "Now that You know" that is very helpful. It is available at all major book stores. If your parents use the computer and want to talk to another parent you can PM me for my e-mail address. I would be happy to talk to them, as well.
'Bemused'? Lol I love that. XD Mine is the same way...haven't told her yet but she always makes references and does the homo voice every so often. -_-; Just makes me want to say it less. Its like my grand secret or something. No worries...could've been worst. The dad could'a hit you and been disappointed and said: "You're not my son!!"
It sounds they're just going through a phase. Nice job coming out to them though! That requires some real balls... I'm sure that if you give it some time and then talk to them again they will handle it much better.
that doesnt sound that bad. give it a time and they'll come around. anyway you should def congratulate urself for coming out!!!
I feel sorry for ya mate, you may think that because i'm "only" 13, i dont know what it's like, and i don't, but i still have the great amagination you get as a "kid" , I came out, it wasn't half as good as i expected , I hope your parents are ok now. :eusa_doh:
well, my mom said not to tell anyone but im not gonna obey that ridiculous commandment! its my choice to tell ppl and thats what im gonna do. but congrats! and as said b4, they just need time to adjust- believe me, parents wont stop thinking of it. mine told me so. at least yours didnt say "its so sinful..." that was awkward! but i obviously dont believe that at all. and yea, dont let them brainwash your sister! when she gets old enough to really understand and sees your out, she wont turn into a homophobe! prevent that at all costs! lol
The letter is a good idea. I always advise to do your homework and have some literature on the subject to present your side of the issue. When you drop a 'bomb' like this on parents, they need time to process not just what you have said, but the enormity (as they see it) of the situation. You have to look at the positive side. They have not gone hysterical, thrown you out or condemned you. Be loving, gentle, patient and kind and DON'T get your back up or make statements like 'I knew you'd say that!' Show them the love you expect from them. It eventually conquers all.