in a box and wants to get out!(metaphor only, not really in a box)

Honor where you are at with your feelings.

I do not write that to sound hookey but as someone who did not honor her feelings at 14 only to find herself having to deal with them 20 years later at the age of 34 I speak from experience. No price is worth paying for lying to yourself.

I have found out the hard way that by lying to yourself and the person you are with the relationship is doomed to fail. If you care about this person as much as you say you do, allow them the gift of knowing the real you even if that is not as a romantic partner. I do wonder about your comments about him wanting to "shut you up" as I have yet to see that appear in any healthy relationships I have observed.

As with all advice...take what you like, leave the rest but know that it was spoken from my heart!

hugs
Avl

 

Honesty really is the best and only policy. You need to talk to your b/f and tell him that althoug you really like him, you have loads going on in your head at the moment and that you need some space and time, that you want to stay friends but not necessarily romanticly involved.

If you don't enjoy kissing then don't do it, not just to please someone else. It sounds to me that you are absolutely not ready for a physical relationship of any sort with a boy.

One last thing, most boys of 14 only have one thing on their minds and it is not exploring the emotional complexities of their girl friend's mind! Few boys this age are mature enough to really listen to girls and actually being of any great use to your questioning mind.

 

I would agree with AVL girl again from experience at 34 and a failed marriage because of not being honest and looking to my feelings at an earlier age. But above all be honest with your BF and talk it through so you know what both of you want.

(*hug*)

 

You know, at 14 you don't need to have a girlfriend OR a boyfriend. You CAN be happy without one. And if you don't think you can be, then you need to try anyway.

The fact is, you've dated this boy for less than 2 months. You're not going to be 'ruining' anything if you break up with him. It might seem like a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things you're better to do it now than to wait. It will only get harder.

Besides, your time together isn't really enjoyable. I can only imagine how lousey a kisser I would have been at 14. The fact of the matter is that is was almost 11 years later before I'd do any real serious kissing with anyone. I was ancient!

Take a break from dating anyone. There is LOTS of time for that later. First get comfortable with you, and be happy being yourself. THEN worry about which gender you're going to date next.

Good luck!

 

you kinda just proved his points right there.

If you don't think you can do better, than you need to ask yourself why your self esteem is that low. If he thinks he's found his soul mate at 14 then he's just about as crazy as they come at that age. ONE IN A MILLION find their soul mate at that age.

At 14 I was dying to be with someone. All of that attention towards each other feels awesome, but If I told you that 14 was the right age to be making long term relationships, I'd be lying my ass off. The differences between 14 and 15 are astronomical. The differences between 15 and 16 are immeasurable, the differences between 16 and 17 are unbelievable, and the differences between 17 and 18 are like absolutely mind-blowing.

You are going to change so much in the next four years that by the time it's over, you'll look back and wonder how in the hell that guy ever mattered.

I'd spend some time by myself if I were you. Ask a whole bunch of questions with the advisors on this site and figure out how you feel. Like I said, you'll be a whole different person next year. So just enjoy the ride for now. I heavily recommend breaking the relationship though, he seems a bit controlling.

Just remember that you ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS REACTION. He's a god-damned big-boy now and if he can't take the word "NO" like a gentleman and be nice then he's not even worth thinking about. HE decides how he's going to act. You can't MAKE him say anything. It's an easy trap to fall into.

pendrin.

 

Your choice. Sounds like you're in that box holding a sledgehammer, and you're too scared to break out.

We're only stuck when we choose to stay stuck. Stay in the box or break out, it's up to you.

 

Okay, well, I know how hard it is, but look for positive aspects.

It's only been 2 months, not 2 years.
If you're unhappy, get out and salvage as much as you can. I know you want to keep him as a friend, but if you wait any longer, that'll become much harder. And if you two are meant to be, things will work out.

You're only 14.
You have your entire life ahead of you to have fun and explore. There will be plenty of opportunities. In my personal oppinion, I think 14 is too young to be in a relationship anways.

 

slap on a band-aid and go crying to mommy, or some other form of emotional support. That's what I do.

We'll help you lick your wounds.

Tomorrow WILL come, so lose your fear of it already.

 

Maybe being by yourself will actually help you explore what you need, it did with me hence where i am now, much happier in myself.

Background was married for nine years to my best friend realyy (woman) she left me but now much happier as i can be who i am.

 

Hi Sarah,
I kind of agree that he doesn't sound like a guy who's really that great. And I understand that maybe you feel like he's all you've got and you don't want to lose that. I get how you feel...it's a tough call to make and you might not be ready to be making the tough decisions. I *totally* understand.

The one thing I'd like to say is that there are better guys out there...I've met them. They do exist but they might be the geeky guys at school or maybe someone you've only ever laughed at or thought was a bit odd. The reason they're not asking you out is because they're probably scared to. They might have heard about this guy you're with and if he's Captain Testosterone and telling all his friends about how you make out for an hour at a time....any of the nice guys who you could have a good relationship are probably thinking they have no chance with you because they don't compare to your present guy.

if you're 14 and have a few self esteem issues holding you back from breaking up with your present BF....I think that's pretty normal and I'm not going to give you a hard time about them. I remember what it's like.

Whether you should explore things with a girl or not is a tougher call to make. I'd say that you shouldn't push yourself into something like that. Life has a way of presenting us with these kind of options when the time is right. Someone may enter your life without you having to do much at all. Someone may enter your life because you seek them out, and I guess you need to listen to your heart and your desires to decide wether you sit back or go looking for a girl.

Have a think about what people are saying here, and I'm sure that sooner or later you'll decide what's right. You might feel trapped but you still have lots of options...you just need to get to a place within yourself where the fear is gone and you can actually make decisions. Luckily you have all of us here to support you

 

Hi Sarah,
My apologies for not responding earlier however this semester has already started to kick my *&^%!

I have friends that say this phrase to let me know that I can take their advice or not and they will still love me all the same. My friends and family of choice have shown me that I can trust my inner wisdom but in the beginning I needed to hear that they would still love me no matter what I chose to do.

What if just for today you allowed yourself to not make a decision? Is there any reason that you have to decide right here in this moment what to do with this relationship?

I know it sounds crazy but it works miracles for me. I can analyze something to death if I am not careful. LOL
Just ask Scarlet O'Hara from Gone with the Wind, "...for tomorrow is another day"

Hugs,
Avl