I just can't. Not here in Livermore. Everyday I have to stay in this town where everything has happened, where these people are, where some people used to be. It's like some twisted nightmare without the chipmunks and inevitable waking up. I just can't get out. Everyday I die a little more inside because of this town. I need to get away. But I can't. I have to hide who I am. Not my gayness, because I often flaunt it to piss off the morons in my life. But I have to hide how much it hurts when they call me nasty things and do rude shit. I have to hide who I am and what I can do and be. I can't pretend to be what everyone assumes I am. I can't live with people judging who I am without them knowing. Not anymore.
*MEGAHUG* I know how you feel; sometimes you just need a fresh start. Sometimes you need people who can look at you without seeing all the bad or stupid things you've ever done. A change of scenery.
I feel the exact same way you do. I can't wait to get out of this town and go to college, it seems like that wouldn't even be far enough away from here. I have come to realize that everything I do the clothes I wear, the music I say I like, what I say, even the work I do in school is censored by the question what would a straight dude do? It's not a fun way to live but I have to unless I want to be totally and completely alienated. All I can say is hold on just a little longer. (&&&)
*GIGAHUGS* I know what you mean, I live in Nashville, TN and it's pretty much the same here. Just focus on the good in people. and get some local support in person. IE a support group.
Oh Amy! (*hug*) Sorry to hear you are feeling down. Just hang in there. Only a few more years and you can go off to college and to a whole new life. Also, people really change between 15 years and 18 years. They mature alot in that amount of time so things will probably get better as you go through high school!
I can't wait until college. Be it Simon's Rock next year, or UCB in 2011, I just cannot wait. Lord, I hope so.
