so I haven't come out at all which means I'm a virgin at everything (dating and everything that comes after that) which seems to be quite common...but anyways the main reason I keep backing out of telling anyone is that I don't see my life changing at all if I did...My parents would most likely accept it and nothing would probably change...My friends would probably not care what i am...and my antisocial behavior (meaning I do badly in social situations and not meaning i hate social situations) would probably not go away or change anything since i have always been like that even before i realized i was gay. I would just like to know if anyone else has had the same situation and has or has not had a significant change in their life. I might not have to pretend i'm not gay but pretending is not much of a concern to me because i'll probably act the same way after I come out. I'm not sure how to end this post so i'll end it in a smilie :eek: .
Well for me everything changed for the better. Ive only tolf friends but whats changed is that they are now aware when things are upsetting me and why this is. Also it has brought me closer to my friends and even though i thought things would change, they have done but in a good way.
There wasn't that significant a change for me, but I just felt more comfortable after I came out. I felt like I was being honest for the first time in my life, and I didn't have all the fears of rejection that I had before I came out.
For me it was the fact that I no longer kept myself to myself anymore. Before I came out I was the world's biggest introvert, had practically no social life and spent all my time trapped inside me head, thinking and questioning...thinking and questioning...thinking and - yeah you get the drift. After I came out it's like I realized that this was who I truly was and I had nothing to hide, so I became more open and extroverted than I used to be. My friends say I've changed a lot since I came out, which I know is true. I actually talk to real people now, as opposed to mainly internet people.
meh...I've gotten good at suppressing fears and emotion and so i think even if I do come out...i'll stilll act the same way which tends to be keeping to myself and keeping quiet... one other thing i want to ask...is it better to come out to friends first or parents...i personally think friends are better first but the only problem is i only have one close friend atm (non-relationship)...but I don't think she's the best person to come out to...
i guess that questioned can be answerd by who you feel will be a support to you. Friends are easier if its difficult to tell parents but from what you say it sounds like your family would be supportive of you.
My whole perspective changed. Kidding other people, I was kidding myself as well. I was still telling myself I was going to have a wife and kids, and asking how is a life complete without a REAL family. That just makes me laugh now.
^Makes me laugh too because before I came out I played the 'straight until proven gay' game...I was determined to believe I was gonna grow up, get a husband and have kids...just makes me snort with laughter now, honestly.
Instead of being miserable on my own, most of my family are now miserable as well. People I have known for a long time, now are uncomfortable around me. I spend too much time on the internet trying to find support.
meh...i try not to become too depressed...because then i'll be whinny...i find walking to be a good outlet...
For me, when I came out I became more confident. Mind you, I was pretty confident already, but I noticed some things had changed. Like, I wasn't afraid to let girls touch me, or touch girls (if they were okay with it), like I used to be. I talk to a lot more girls now, not just my friends. All the girls like, love me. It's really ironic actually. They consider me to be a heroine or something I dunno. The guys started to compare girls with me. I once got into an arguement with my guy friend about whether or not Jessica Simpson was hot or not. It was quite funny. Girls still compared guys with me. We often talk about how Zac Efron is ugly. And I met my friends hot guy friend and we talked about how hot he was. So, I'd say my life changed for the better
The only thing I would say is that you WERE gay BEFORE you knew you were gay. And therefore, your difficulty with social situations might still stem from the fact that you're gay, even though you haven't always known that was the underlying issue. That was certainly the case for me. So, I'd say you'd be able to stop pretending. You'd be able to stop convincing yourself that it's OK to feel just 'meh' about stuff - as you seem to in this thread. Because in fact you can and should feel really great about stuff. While being a virgin in every regard is completely acceptable at any age, you might find yourself wanting something more out of life, and you'll feel somewhat trapped at that point. I found it easier to come out to friends first, then my parents. It's entirely up to you though. Good luck.
Only one main thing changed - not living the lie. I didn't have to pretend I was interested in women. I didn't have to not mention to my friends that I thought so-and-so looked hot in his football uniform. I didn't have to play pronoun games with my family and co-workers ("I'm dating somebody, and that special someone came over for dinner last night."). I could just go on with my life without having to deal with that crap anymore. Lex
I don't have much more to add to what has already been said, but I can tell you it's definitely a lot better not having to hide from everyone. Not having to worry about coming out to friends or family, because it's already done (even if nothing else changes) it's one thing you don't have to worry about. Since coming out, not much major has changed in my life, either. But I have made a lot more friends, and although I'm still quite the introvert, some friends keep trying to change that... I've also gone out with a few people. While none of those worked out, I do have some fond memories. And I have fun keeping up on gossip with friends who see my "ex" at the bars :icon_wink
v SPOILER v you know in Harry Potter 7, when Kreacher reveals the torture he suffered? After being a thorough bi-atch since his appearance, he's all of a sudden nice and comfortable and stuff. Hard to believe, right? Well, that's what coming out was like when I first came out in person to a friend. The next day I saw her and I just said hi with an enthusiasm that may or may not have sounded gay to her, but I didn't care because she knew anyway! ^ SPOILER ^ Basically, I don't have to watch my words and actions too closely in fear of appearing too "homosexual". Of course, when I go home I go back in the closet, but I'm used to that anyway. At least I'm beginning to be more comfortable with myself at college, surrounded by people my own age, as well as many friends who care.
For me, I loosened up a great deal, and I became confident in myself again. It was enough of a change that friends and family have remarked on how much happier I seem now since I've come out. I don't try to hide any parts of my personality anymore, so to the outside observer, I probably seem a bit "gayer" and "pervy-er" as well. I also shaved my head and porkchop sideburns shortly after I came out. Besides those things though, I'm still the same person. Oh, except that I don't pretend to give a damn about sports anymore.
All that changed for me was all the girls I am friends with compare guys with me, and my guys friends always make a big deal of it when the guy I like walks by. It goes a little something like Me: Hey___ Him:Hey Man *walks off* Friend1:We saw that Ron, did you finally tell him? Friend2:Yeah did you finally confess your undying love that burns like the heat of one thousand suns? Friend3:Or did you just say you want to get him into bed? Me:I will so get you guys for that... You get the picture lol
