The Absurd Excuses Game

i dont know how to clean

will you take some beautiful pictures for me?

 

Pictures?

will you sing me a beautiful ballad?

 

Beauty is opinionated. . .if your's includes the sounds of screeching cats and chalk on a board then sure.

Would you buy me some deodorant

 

I shipped all my deodorant to the needy :]

will you take all 3 of my exams for me?

 

I'm sorry but I don't understnd that word, exams? Hmm, reminds me of Lady GaGa.

Can someone get rid of this cold I have?

 

Sorry, I'm made of ice, I'd only make you colder.

Can anyone top me up? *waves wine glass*

 

Uhhhhh I don't drink alcohol.

Could somebody take me to a restaurant for dinner?

 

Sorry, I only eat Cheetos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Doctor's orders.

Who wants to buy me a big-screen TV?

 

i just bought me some giant platform boots so NOPE

can someone extinguish the sun? It's too friggin hot...

 

I'd love to, but you killed the hyena - and now we can't make jam.

Will someone clean my apartment?

 

I'm sorry, I would love to, but cowboys ate my family and I need to go to the funeral.

Can someone help me track down the cowboys?

 

No because I have them locked away

Can someone help me?

 

sorry, i have a moral issue about helping gay people. :badgrin:

can someone tell me what to do with chapped lips?

 

I would, but my lips are sealed.
Could you turn Aaron Tveit gay for me? Kk, thanks!

 

no, i only turn boys gay for me

can someone run to the salon to get that one thing they put in my hair that i actually liked?

 

I would, but I only go to the salon for me. But I know what you mean. They had this great stuff that was all, "Here Cooper, let me make your hair look AMAZING!" Of course I can find it NOWHERE.
Can you do all the work in my life for me?

 

Sorry I pay others to do my own work

Can you teach me to dance?

 

I would, but I don;t think you can handle my skills. Kick two-three-four step-touch-ball-change!
Will you name your firstborn son after me?

 

Sorry dancing is against my religion. We don't have sex standing up for fear it might lead to the offensive act.

Could you hold this suspicious ticking package for me while I run very far away?

EDIT: (as I posted too slow) - Sorry, my first born son is already born and named.

 

no, i have this inexplicable fear of watching people run away.

can you feed my dogs for me?