I come out to my wife and she tells me this!?!

I think that in this situation, rather than trying to decide who's transgression was the worst, which will only lead to unpleasantness, you should go along with your wife's suggestion of letting the transgressions cancel each other out. Forget about whether it's fair (it doesn't matter), think about what is best for moving forward.

Hopefully you can then both start to think about where you go from here and how you both deal with the consequences. You will both need support, and if you can support each other through what is likely to be a difficult few months it will be less difficult than if you are fighting each other.

 

Well it may be just stress that has caused her period to be late. Hopefully! Have you encouraged her to take a pregnancy test? In any rate, this keeping score stuff rarely works. The minute there is any conflict one of you is going to throw it back at the other. If you want to save your marriage, I suggest you seek counseling immediately. Good luck with everything. (*hug*)

 

Well, two wrongs don't equal a right. But I would say that since both of you cheated, they are the same in terms of betrayal of trust. Gay sex is just as real and significant as straight sex, and cheating either way is still cheating. In my humble opinion. So this would mean that neither of you has the "moral highground".

As of the rest of your situation, :/ The first thing is to find out whether she is pregnant and to deal with that, either by deciding to keep the foetus, or what you want to do. I really hope your wife doesn't have an STD, but if she does, it's good that you're dealing with that so quickly. As for how you can get over these shocks, I don't really know... (*hug*) Good luck, both of you!

 

I don't think you want to be in the wrong, but sometimes you are. You both did things that shouldn't happen in a marriage, you bout admitted to them, thats good you are being honest with eachother now. I suggest you have a long talk to eachother and promice you won't do anything like that again. You've had your experience (I think you took it so you knew what it was like?) and she had her fun as well.

If she is pregnant, take it from there. Don't worry too much about it now. Make sure she gets checked for STDs, they are hard to catch, I have heard so she probably wont have one. Also get yourself checked.

I would hate for your marriage to break up over a few mistakes. After all in marriages its the mistakes and arguments that streghthen them, let this be one of those things.

 

Hi inspector1

:eek: wow this is probebly the most complex post on EC since i have been here its like 'Lifetime' drama. ok and maybe i souldn't have said that but ur completly right about one hting IT ISN'T THE SAME AND NONE CAN RULE OUT THE OTHER.

however.....lets start with the commonality. It's both wrong(not being bi-sexual pssh:dry but i mean wrong is wrong and there is no value to be placed on that. Wow its amazing......she just admited she slept with a co-worker then said "even". I know this might sound a bit unorthadox of a question but since the insident have u guys been...idk...taking it normal? like...idk as u usually do? because if she is still behaving as if everything is normal and she sleeps beside u at nights very comfortably U DON'T GET COMFORTABLE...i mean....*scoffs* lets just be rational here, something is up! :eek:

ok...before i forget. lets get to the most important part of the story. THE PREGNANCY. how are u sure she is pregnant i mena i heard u told Paul earlier ur sure but i mean did u do a pegnancy test? and STD did she do a STD test. I will be partial and tell u many girls who i have associated myself with (i know this probebly dons't relate but hear me out) have had unprotected sex and missed their period and start freaking out they r pregnant...my own cousin did so and misse dher period for 2 weeks later than usual and i told her to just relax and not think about what happened....and in the 3rd week her period came. I mean stress CAN alter women's menstration cycle; and mybe she is still internally stressed about the whole situation. soooo.....

anyways, how u should be taking this? my suggestion. don't panic and don't let this get out of ur house. keep it within the household(and cover the kids ears). Your friend who blowed ur dick did u a huge favour because taking u told her ur bi-sexual means u are now sure of ur sexuality or partialy sure. yes?

with best intrests,
Alex

 

i agree with most peoples posts here about lettin those two incidents cancel eachother out (even thou i think your wife having sex with another man is way GREATER OFFENSE than compared to giving another man a blowjob) i guess let those cancel out even thou i think having sex with someone else is way out of line...and should be weighed more heavily..

But the whole tihing with her being pregnant with another mans baby...thats a whole nother cluster F:***: ...i dont even know how you are feeling about that one...how is your relationship with your wife? do you love her? does she love you? how long have you been married for? in my own opinion...(which is probably not good) i dont understand how i could live with myself with my wife being pregnant with another mans child...that too me is just way too f:***:ed up and babbles my mind ...sry for the language...my advice is bad too sry..:icon_sad:

BUT IT DOES TAKE A GREAT MAN WITH GREAT STRENGTH COURAGE INTEGRITY AND HONOR TO OVERCOME A SITUATION LKE THIS...hang in there! and try to work things out with your wife that is if you still infact love her...as for when you actually find out if shes pregnant or not...well...(IM PRO LIFE) but in a situation like this you could do the other thing...:icon_sad:

 

ohh please! give the man a break he blowed someone elses dick what can be gained out of it now. he foudn out himself and what was done is done. no sence in telling him what u think about he did, it's not helping the situation at hand....
..which is.....umm,
er,
umm....i think...no. the situation is that .
god dawm it. brb. I got to follow up the story form the begining I am seriosu about this case being complex. you could make a "Lifetime" movie out of this...i love lifetime movies

i am not helping...am i.......

 

the situation lyes within how Inspector should take this event emotionaly and physicaly...well since his wife is all cool like a cucumber i say something fishy is going on. :dry:

 

whatever u do, think about the children!.....or food...maybe

errm when i wanted to commit suicide they told me to think about food...it worked. i am alive! YEPEE!(!!)

i guess ur right. she is ether taking it well or the oposite, however what we are on the inside refelts on the outside so if she comes back silent but looks unusual then we know something is wrong(eg, she usually wears white, now she wears black.....)

 

Well now that she is defiantly pregnant I think you really need to drop the conflict of "who is worse" and give her all the support she needs. Which I'm hoping that your doing anyways because that is pretty much what everyone else is saying.

However if you can't lets try a different report by looking at the situation in a fine more detail.

In a way both of your problems even themselves out. If you don't look at the pregnancy or the STD part of it you'll see this. You both cheated on each other. You both had feelings for other men. Sounds like your both even in this problem. It's just your lucky and happen to not have the ability to great pregnant.

It seems like it's the same problem it's just you got the lucky end of the straw.

Hope that helps.

And congrats (sorry if that feels out of place but you did COME OUT to your wife and I think a congradulations is due).

Good luck
-The Walrus

 

Although you are apart for several months, you have both been honest with each other about this. It would have been easy for neither of you to have said anything, for her to have got a termination or whatever while she's away. But you didn't. You were both honest with each other even though you both realised that it would cause major changes to your relationship.

I know from having worked away from home for weeks on end that when you are away from your partner for a while your thoughts and attractions can stray. Especially if you are working with someone you find attractive, probably having dinner and drinks with them every night etc.

I'm not trying to justify her actions or your actions. If you are faithful to each other then that is how it should remain when you apart, and that line should not be crossed with anyone else. I am saying though that I can understand why it happens from my own experience (which, incidentally, did not cross the line). If things were not so great between you before then the feelings for others could be stronger because the emotional link to each other while apart is weaker. As I said, that is not a justification. It is just some random thoughts on the situation.

The fact that you are apart for another 10 weeks or so does make this more difficult. You both have to put on hold the "where do we go from here" discussions and decisions until you are back together. You can have some of it on the phone but it is not the same as face-to-face.

I still think you both have to stop thinking about whose transgression is worse. You both had sex outside the marriage, the type of sex is irrelevant. The consequences are worse for her if she is pregnant or has an STD, but that is not the same as the transgression.

I think the main thing you need to sort out while she is away is whether she is pregnant and if so what she is going to do, and if she has an STD and if so making sure she gets it treated. These are the issues where time is important, especially if she decides to go for a termination. Yes it's about her more than you at the moment, but from a practical point of view that's where the priority is.

You also need to decide between you whether this marriage can survive and whether you even want it to. You need to continue being honest with each other about this - and I KNOW that can be very difficult. Neither of you probably really knows what the other wants and one of you has to be the first to state your position.

Whether you agree to continue with it or to get a divorce, please try to do it in an amicable way. Fighting doesn't help anyone, not either of you and not your kids (if you have any).

 

Alex, although you have a rather harsh way of saying things, I think the bottom line is that we should all stop judging. I'm sure most of us here knows what its like to be judged and its not a pleasant feeling. We should just try to help in the best way we can without being judgmental. The worse judgment comes from within and nobody is going to be harder on us than ourselves. We all make mistakes and have to deal with the consequences.