Can anyone help and advice me please....

Hi Steve. Sounds like you're coping fairly well. Good for you!!!

I understand where you're coming from in terms of telling your kids...

My daughters are 4 and 7. I've been told that kids are most receptive to learning about this kind of thing when they are between 7 and 12. They are old enough to understand what you're telling them, yet young enough to get their 'values' (i.e. whether this is a 'good' thing or a 'bad' thing) from their parents. When they are in their teens they tend to get their values from their peers...

The other thing I've been told is we can't expect our kids to keep secrets for us. Not only is that too much responsibility to give them, it sends the message that being gay is something you need to hide, which it isn't (or shouldn't be).

On the other hand, telling a child that is very young that you're gay means that you might as well tell the whole world. They are likely to tell the next person they see! Plus, the harsh reality is that they are going to be exposed to ridicule and teasing from their friends at school - which won't always be easy to deal with.

So my wife and I are of the same opinion... our girls are too young to tell about me being gay. We have separated, and they are adjusting OK to that - because that isn't that uncommon a situation today. But we'll wait for another couple of years before we tell them.

(That of course depends on my personal situation. While I'm sensitive to my wife's desires and the needs of my kids, I also don't necessarily want to 'hide' my bf from my kids if we continue to get closer and spend even more time together. Time will tell.)

Good luck. We're all in this together.

 

Steve, how about calling that cousin? He/she could be a great friend and alli through all this!

I'm going through some transitions in my life right now too and it is very scary and overwhelming. People keep telling me though that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just hold on to that. Jim will tell you that his separation and divorce was very difficult and he probably had the same feelings you are having now. Just hang in there. Things are going to get better.