ARGRGRRGRGR!!! I just had an argument over the internet with one of my close friends about how people become gay, after discovering that he believes it's a choice! Yes that's right, the most irritating argument ever, 'you chose to be gay'. We argue quite a lot to be honest, but usually it's about silly little things and we argue in just a fun way, but tonight he seriously annoyed me, and what was worse was he just doesn't understand WHY he annoyed me. Anyway, here's the conversation. Me: - and then people who just think it's a choice, which frankly is offensive Him: I think its a choice Me: Really?? Him: Yeah I guess so Me: Why the hell would I choose to be gay? Why would anyone? Him: It's like if I wanted to be gay now then I could. It's my choice. Me: Erm, explain to me how you'd stop finding women sexually attractive and instead find men attractive Him: At the end of the day that what it comes down to, your atracted to men and not women, so u've made that decsion that u want it that way Me: No I havent, at all! If I had the choice, I'd choose to be straight. When I see naked women on TV, I just don't find them sexually attractive at all, there's nothing I can do about that, but I do find men attractive. I didn't choose this at all, this is just how I grew up, like you grew straight. Did you choose to like women? No you didn't, you just grew up liking them Him: Yeah I still chose it though Me: What? How did you choose it at any point? When exactly during growing up did you say to yourself 'I'm going to like women' Him: I said it loads of times lol, and i still think the choice was mine as it still is Me: You're telling me if you wanted you could just start finding men physically attractive? I'm sorry dude but I think that's bollox. I'm telling you right now that if I could choose to like women instead of men then I would, but I can't control my sexual desires, I just like who I like Him: i probably like guys just as much as you, well not quite as much, but i usually get on loads better with guys than gals, but then again i wudn't want a gf that acted like a guy so i guess u cant win Me: I'm not talking about getting on with them, I'm talking about wanting to f**k them Him: i no, but i dont like guys i made that choice Me: like when you look at a naked girl and naked guy together, you're saying you could just decide which one you wanted to find attractive Him: suppose Me: How????? Him: but it wud be the girl and i'd be tellin the guy to cover up Me: I don't understand how you think it's a choice at all... Him: summat else we have to disagree on a guess Me: except this time this really does piss me off. Why would anyone choose to be gay if there's a choice involved??? No one would Him: ok, i aint havin a go dude Me: I know you aint having a go, sorry dude, it just really really annoys me when people say I chose to be gay like I actually WANTED to be gay it just really annoys me Him: Ok. (long silence) Him: well seen as how i pissed u off, i'll head off now. have a gud en tomo whatever your doin. l8r Me: I just wanted you to understand why it made me so pissed. I didn't mean to have a go at you Him: ok man, night
I have found the best thing to say is it is not by choice, then i refuse to argue or discuss this issue any more, invite them to change the subject. greg
i wouldve reacted the same way you did in the situation. so no worries. some people just dont get it, or it takes longer to understands.
OMG I hate it when people are so ignorant in this way. They think that homosexuality is just choosing to have sex with another guy even though sexual attraction isn't involved. This guy in my year makes himself out to be a sort of saint because he says he hasn't chosen to be gay, he is completely anti-gay because he thinks that it is something easy to control, something to easily switch on and off. If we have an argument he won't accept any of my points and won't even realise how much he is insulting the GLBT Community. Just use my favourite quote (the one in my sig. if you're ever confronted by an argument like that)
Uhm... did people just miss the part where his friend is obviously gay or at least bi? That's how I read it... that whole thing about how he chose to like girls.
That made me think bi as well... I have a friend who is gay. Flat out gay... talked to him forever and he actually had a gay xanga dedicated to all his what not photos. (he messaged me cuz when I'd comment on his pictures I'd never talk about him... I'd talk about his poster in the background and how I liked this or that but never about his body...) We talked for a long time.... then stopped. Talked to him again and he is no longer gay... he thinks he was being stupid and needed to stop fooling around with all that. Sadly religion has played a big part in that. He was always religious but now it has effected what he knew to be true about himself. Some people just don't understand and others choose not to care. Either way... try not to let it bother you so much. You know the truth about yourself. He can say what he wants but he hasn't lived life through your eyes. Note he might be living through a bi guys eyes.... but still lol.
Haha, I thought that myself briefly during the argument, but I've known this guy for about 2 years and there's just no way... He accepts that I'm gay, but he's a little disgusted if I mention anything about having sex with other guys around him. Usually in cases like this I'd just forget about it and not let it bother me, but the problem is he's a really close friend, which means I see him quite a lot and I can't just let this go, everytime I see him or think about him all I'll be able to think about is this argument. I don't want this to ruin our friendship, but I can't just accept that this is what he thinks and let it go, it annoys me too much to know he feels that way! I think what waitingsucks said might the most accurate description of how he feels, 'homosexuality is choosing to have sex with another guy even though sexual attraction isn't involved'. But dear god, it would be much better if he turned out to be Bi, lol
Oh this old 'chestnut' again... really does my head in how some people can be so ignorant though. Of course it's a choice silly people, you chose to be homosexual, you chose to have to come out, to have to deal with persecution and rejection, and you chose to not have children with your partner.... yup who wouldn't??? Seriously your mate does need a bit of a wake up call, you raised the usual valid points Bill that would make most people think... hmm maybe he's right, but all your buddy can say is 'suppose'.... grrrr. Perhaps he is bi and that's why he chooses to like women instead of men and his request for them to 'cover up' would be purely on social upbringing. If not then he really isn't understanding the concept of attraction. I'd say he owes you like one hundred pints for this.
Well we're supposed to be going out next week for drinks because I'm leaving the country for a year on the 15th, so I'll be sure to let him know hehe Which is another thing, I don't want to leave the country for a year on bad terms with him, because I think that would basically spell the end of our friendship. I mean I know I could easily reconcile with him if I wanted to, but I just really want him to understand my perspective and accept it! I know that sounds really really stubborn and pathetic but god he annoyed me last night, I'm drinking tea by the pot load to calm my anger lol
Well, I can't give you any answers, but I have a gal friend I'm having similar issues with. She is completely convinced that being gay is a choice. I confronted her on it one time, and she told me she had had gay thoughts at one point, but she chose to reject them. I think she expects that I could be straight, if I only tried harder. It's annoying, because practically every time I see her, she makes some comment about asking if I'm straight yet, or something like that. I'm not sure if she's joking or not, but it gets really f***** annoying. :dry:
joeyconnick is totally right. your friend is clearly gay, and in major denial. ok, maybe i'm exaggerating. but seriously, that is the most obvious thing that sprang to mind as i read that....