Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but it's so full of caloried that you swell up and can only move rolling.

I wish my voice would always be as deep and rough as it is right now.

 

Granted, but you can only speak in riddles.

I wish that my wish will be neither corrupted, nor left uncorrupt.

 

Wish granted, but nobody can think of a way to solve your damned clever riddle so you die awaiting an answer, but to no avail.

I wish to be able to live off french fries with no weight gain or health issues whatsoever.

 

Granted, but french fries no longer exist (lazy, I know)
I wish they would actually teach something in school instead of having us do the same damned thing all year

 

Yes, but you are taught prostitution.

I wish I could charm anyone and everyone into liking me.

 

Granted, anyone charmed literally can't take their eyes off you, stalking you until you die.
I wish I had more close friends

 

Granted but they are literally physically grafted to you.
I wish I had a normal life

 

Granted, your life is as normal as it is on Gilligan's Island
I wish my new close friends weren't attached to me

 

Granted. Now your old close friends are.
I wish people could talk politics without killing each other.

 

Granted. They are physically inable to kill each other which is why they inflict so much pain to each other that most debates end with the involved ones in coma.

I wish I could have gone to a private school.

 

Granted. The school is private, but its in Antarctica.
I wish had Sherlock Holmes skills.

 

Granted, but you'll be forced to only use, and always use, those skills when you're having an awesome dream. And you'll always forget the dream right after waking up.

I wish I had on fleek eyebrows.

 

Granted, but you no longer have any lips.

I wish I had someone who loved me and who I loved

 

Granted, although it is short-lived due to unfortunate events
I wish for a bunch of bananas because...reasons...

 

wish granted, you now have a whole bunch of bananas, unfortunately they are made from plastic so you can't eat them

i wish my boobs would grow faster

 

Granted. They swell like balloons. Unfortunately, they explode.

---------- Post added 8th Apr 2017 at 02:46 PM ----------

I wish for a self-refilling beer.

 

Granted, but it tastes foul and is non-alcoholic.

I wish I could live on nothing but vegan ice-cream.

 

Vegan ice cream? Ok then, granted but this ice cream is unpopular and is discontinued. Now I'll let you eat other stuff in this wish, but just this once
I wish for two wishes

 

Granted but both of your wishes are expired because you waited for the 90 day free trial to end.

I wish for $1.

 

Granted. Here's your dollar in 100 one-cent coins which you may collect from the floor.

I wish that Merkel, Trump and Kim Jong Un get at least 20 big red spots in their faces.