Corrupt A Wish

But the only people there would be to take over are two-half foot trolls who speak in old English and dislike shonen-ai ;D

I wish I had a photographic memory

 

Granted, but now you cannot remember a single word anyone says, only images.


I wish I met the perfect man.

 

Granted! It's photographic, but very blurry, and out of focus.

Edit: @ iiimee: Granted! But you only meet him in passing, as he boards a flight for Liberia.

I wish Disney would make an LGBT-oriented version of Aladdin.

 

Granted, but the only straight man is the genie, who kills them all battle royale style.

I wish people replied to my forum threads.

 

Only trolls reply.


I wish I had an orange.

 

Granted, but it talks in a high pitched voice.

I wish that I didn't have so much gas

 

Granted, but now you deflate like a balloon.

I wish I was a vampire.

 

Granted, but you have been staked to a post with a fishnet over you and a ring of rice around you.

 

You didn't wish.. So you get nothing!

I wish I had perfect, clear skin like a porcelain doll, that would remain that way even when I go on T.

 

But then it's so smooth that all of your clothes fall off, and you can never go into public again.

I wish government didn't have so much reading homework!

 

Granted! Instead, each day, you must submit a 10 page essay...in perfect Hindi.

I wish we reverted to a simple hunting and gathering society that was open-minded and liberal, with tasks equally divided, and LBGT equality, on an earth with 10% of the population it has now.

 

Granted. It's achieved after a horrific genocide, the destruction of almost all centres of knowledge, human cultures, and the survivors are only open-minded because they're suffering so deeply and want to avoid ever having what caused their PTSD again.

I wish I didn't have so much assessment over the next month.

 

(Huh...not the worst case scenario)

Granted! Instead, these assessments continue with increasing intensity for the next year, causing you to change careers, and become a herder of goats. (Actually, though, I like goats. Might not be a bad job, all in all)

I wish Ayn Rand had never written those horrid books.

 

Granted. Philosophy is stuck with ancient ideas, and the most sophisticated thinking in the world is still at the primitive level of Plato's Republic.

I wish I had more time to sleep and do homework while still socialising as I like.

 

Granted but for every sleep you take, you experience a nightmare.

I wish the person below me gets to have the best time of his/her life

 

Granted, but it's negatively compensated by the nightmares you have given me.

I wish I were in Melbourne at the moment.

 

Granted, but Melbourne is invaded by zombies.

I wish Eva Longoria would marry me.

 

Granted. She files for divorce 10 minutes after the ceremony.
I wish I was taller

 

Granted. You are now so tall, your head protrudes above Earth's atmosphere and is subsequently frozen in the vacuum of space.
I wish my body automatically repels dirt and smells so I don't have to wash.

 

Granted! Your body repels dirt, but now emits a constant odor as if you've just been sprayed by a skunk. You no longer wash because it does no good, and people keep such a distance, there's no real use.

I wish I was a superhero with the power to transform into Skunkboy! With the powers of a skunk!