Corrupt A Wish

Granted but there is a massive earthquake when you get there.

I wish I could meet a famous composer.

 

Granted, but everyone around you will grow old and die until only you are left.

I wish I could cure anyone's sickness, pain, or other ailment at a touch.

 

Granted, but then it will transfer to someone else.

I wish my mom would stop making me eat broccoli.

 

Granted, but what you don't realize is that broccoli is actually healthy and you grow very sick. You don't die, but everyone becomes repulsed at the sight of you, especially pretty girls!

I wish I could have all the safe makeup I could ever want or need.

 

Granted. But the makeup makes you look old

I wish I could start work later in the Wintertime, but finish the same time I do now

 

Granted but you'll have less pay

I wish I worked in a gay bar as a host

 

Granted, but only the criminally insane are allowed inside the bar.

I wish I could travel wherever I wanted.

 

Granted! But you have to travel in a large, dog-carrying cage, only being let out for the occasional break.

I wish I could start my life over again, at age 10, growing up with kind parents in the wilderness of northern Michigan, on a horse farm.

 

Granted! But you're a 10 year old tortoise.

I wish I could meet Trey Parker and Matt Stone!

 

Granted but they won't want to talk

I wish to see def leapard in concert

 

Granted! But you're deaf for the duration of the concert!

I wish for 3 more wishes.

 

Granted. But instead, the group is made up of actual leopards, who have not eaten in a week, and find you a tasty morsel, indeed.

@Miiaaaaa: Granted! But they backfire so badly, you're afraid to ever make another wish.

I wish I could survive in the wilderness, like a wild animal, say a raccoon or a skunk.

 

Granted, but you can't think of anything until after you use them up.

I wish I could put more music on my Ipod.

 

Granted, but now you can only add songs you don't like.

I wish it was Saturday.

 

Granted, but OH! It's Saturday in 2100 and, while you have jumped through time, you have also aged and are very old.

I wish my knees would stop hurting for no reason.

 

Granted! They begin to hurt because they're being stung by scorpions.

I wish french fries all talked, and would never be quiet, even as you were chewing them up and eating them.

 

Granted! But they remain talking even after they've been swallowed, digested, expelled, and disposed of. In a matter of weeks the world will become deafened by the sound of defecated fries, fry crumbs, particles of fries, anything that was ever part of something considered a fry. You've doomed us all!

I wish that humanity, while maintaining free will, suddenly knew what the Universal correct answer to everything was. Not the cultural correct answers, or the popular correct answers, but legitimate answers that are 100% accurate no matter where in existence you may find yourself as well as the reason each answer is 100% true.

 

Granted, but everyone's mind becomes overwhelmed by all that information at once, and the world spirals into madness.

I wish that my stage fright would go away.

 

Granted, but you bore the audience to sleep

I wish I had more time to do things I want

 

Granted! You are immortal and so watch everyone you love slowly wither and die.

I wish I could travel with the Doctor.