I have been having issues with failure to launch for a bit. My mind wandered this morning and I thought of a guy taking his pants off and I had lift off. Is there ever a sign?
When I saw the thread title, I thought of the other way failure to launch is often used! Like when kids don't want to leave the nest. I won't go into hoisting and launching, but I'll say that the intensity of a situation varies by how much you are attracted to the person you're with or thinking about. I know that's shallow, but that's how I suspect it is with most people. I don't know if this is in line with what you're asking.
It is weird during intimacy nothing, but thinking of a guy taking his clothes off worked. So many more questions.
The mind is the killer in this situation. You have the tools, you know it works, but your mind gets in the way... and it seems you are in that cycle. Currently the anticipation and imagination gets you there, but the anxiety gets you under when you at that point. Breaking that cycle is the difficult part. Yes, advise is, dont over think it and if possible talk to your partner about it. Mutual understanding makes the worlds difference in getting the chemistry right. Maybe a suggestion , use that anticipation and imagination and make it part of your intimacy. It seems you have the creativity.... Just an idea.
Do you suffer with depression or anxiety? Both, on their own, can impact arousal. And some SSRIs, which are used to treat depression, can also contribute to difficulties with arousal. That would be my first question, especially since you describe a specific thought that did create arousal. Now, that said, I fully agree with B1lat3ral. The mind plays a huge role here and can really mess with things in the real-life situation. But understanding the full picture is the first step in addressing the issue.
So given that, I can say with a pretty high degree of certainty that that's the culprit. (ADHD not so much, but the first two are highly correlated with erectile dysfunction and ejaculation issues.) If you are on an SSRI, most of them exacerbate an already common problem. So I'd address the mental health issue first, and likely the other issue will clear up.
I’ve never been able to cum in another man’s presence. It can’t all be Paxil. A lot of it must be between my ears.
I think I get this a little better now. Your imagination allows for a safe zone. You won't be judged or analyzed. In person, it might require a minimum level of intimacy, even if it doesn't all that much for many. Do you think that an in person situation takes you out of your comfort zone?
I think it does. Failure creates the anticipation of more failure and underlying anxiety,especially in the presence of your partner. I think its more prevalent when its been going on for a while. You are right, in my opinion, that getting to a point where you feel safe eliminates that anxiety. Yes there can be underlying factors, meds, un balanced hormone levels or any other factors, but getting in that cycle of "its not working" is the difficult one to get rid off.
@Jaimequestions, you state, If I am understanding your post correctly and per my observations and my studies, intimacy has a few basic components that generally must all come together for everything to work. Component a, being horny. Yup male alley dogs will hump just about anything to get off. Component b, What you fee deep, deep down, aka your innate magnetism towards another human being. I see, hear and observe people gage their sexuality on component a only - the male alley dog. They ignore magnetism altogether. Some of them don't even know that magnetism, component b, exist. As @Chip states anxiety and depression can derail drive. It's my theory that the derailment is effecting component b. Post thought. You've get to generally be really into the guy for component b to function.
I am the same way with having an erection. The first sexual experience I have, I am so worried I won’t get erect, or that my penis is not big enough, or that the person won’t like what I have to offer. It always gets better over time when I am finally comfortable with the person I’m with. I was once with a woman who also couldn't orgasm. She was very beautiful and I tried everything I could to get her to release, but to no avail. She enjoyed sex, especially oral sex, but just couldn’t cum. When I tried to talk to her about it she was embarrassed and it only made the situation worse. So I stopped trying and just enjoyed her beautiful clean shaven body and tried to make love with her as long as possible. She did enjoy me telling her that I was about to orgasm and when she knew this she seemed to enjoy my orgasm as much as I did.
