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Closet case

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ashton234, Nov 25, 2022.

  1. ashton234

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    I do yes. It usually when I’m in the closet but it’s never your normal stuff. It’s always fetish stuff where the male is submissive. I am submissive to men I have found out so I think that’s why. I have no real interest in woman’s private part I objectify the feet.

    On another note been back in the closet for a month or 2 as I’ve moved to a new house and couldn’t deal with all this as well. BUT…. I do know for sure now I am gay. I would have sexual relations with women but I prefer the company of men and the sexual stuff with men. It was a real revelation imagining a male friend who I can hang out with and also be sexual partners.

    I answered my own question now, it does get to a point where there is no going back as the truth becomes so obvious and just accepting the truth makes me so happy even if I don’t tell anybody.

    thank you all so much. Will post a proper update soon.
    @Searching2022 special thanks to you for that little thought experiment that being scared of being caught is equivalent to accepting my sexuality.
     
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  2. Searching2022

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    I had sex with women for years but it usually felt like a chore and I had to think about other things :slight_smile: I was basically masturbating on of them while thinking about guys. I could probably do that with a sex toy. The real question is what comes natural.
    Someone here once asked me to imagine who I would imagine coming home to kissing and saying I love you. I pictured a cute guy and my heart started racing with how much I wanted it, and I could barely in my mind picture doing that with a woman. That was one of the defining moments here when I realized I was gay.
     
  3. Purple Yoda

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    Wow...!
    THAT is a very good suggestion. So... is it bad that I cannot answer it right away? I have to think about it.
     
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  4. Searching2022

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    not bad, you may be over thinking it... just try to relax and don't force it.
     
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  5. Purple Yoda

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    ...the fact that I am struggling with this question is a testament to the utter chaos in my psyche...
     
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  6. 74andHome

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    What if the very fact that your struggling with this a testament to the change taking place in your psyche and that’s all?
     
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  7. Bob J20

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    I am very happy for you. I masturbate to both women and men, but I prefer seeing naked me having orgasms because it is was arouses me the most. I have learned that what I favor the most is what makes me happy. I love everyone who feels comfortable enjoying what makes them happy.
     
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  8. G65

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    I have been bi curious for many years. Got comfortable with meeting discreet. My head says be hetrosexual while my urges needs man sex. Causing a conflict.
     
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  9. Bob J20

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    My feelings exactly.
     
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  10. 74andHome

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    Just goes to show you. Yours normal and just like the rest of us. We have to go through in order to get where we want to be.
     
  11. Bob J20

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    I wasn’t sure if your last comment was for me or G65, but I have a hard time feeling normal. I wake up each night and the only thing I can think about is being trapped in a relationship with a woman and how much I want man sex. I’m not sure if it’s the bad relationship I’m in, if I just want to be sexually active with a man, if I want to be sexually active with a female FWB and a male FWB or just be content living alone and using porn and masturbation as the way to satisfy my sexual desires. I tried for 10 years to find a man who was a FWB, but all I found was a gay guy who said there was no such thing as bisexual. The sex was good, but he still wasn’t someone I could talk about my feelings. I’m 1,300 miles away from where I call home living with a woman who says she loves me who treats me like a 4 year old. Satisfying sex was over months ago. Orgasms are forced and their intensity is about a 3. I find myself masturbating just to have a intense level 6 orgasm and I rarely masturbate with women as stimulation. 99% of the time is naked men that I enjoy watching. I feel like I’m a mess. I think the only solution is to pack up and go back where I feel like I belong. Back where being gay or bisexual is taboo and just accept the fact that the only way I’m going to have good sex is with my hand and my toys where my orgasms are 9 and 10s. Feels sometimes like I’m addicted to sex and I just can’t find someone who shares the need to please and be pleased where I feel sexual satisfaction lives.
     
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  12. Purple Yoda

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    Can I ask... what about the L word?
    Do you LOVE your wife?
    The sex aside; do you want to be with her, share experiences together, hold her, make her smile?
     
  13. Bob J20

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    I’m not married. I feel like I had found the perfect story after reading only the first few chapters. I packed up and moved everything and left my friends and my hometown behind. I though I loved her but I don’t like anything about the way she now treats me. She talks to me like a master Sargent and in bed she isn’t romantic at all. She doesn’t like to be touched and we haven’t had oral sex in 6 months. She has gained 40 lbs and that May. E why she doesn’t like to Be touched. But I love pleasing her but she no longer lets me.
     
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  14. 74andHome

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    Hey BobJ20, I’m going to throw something out and see what you think. Who do you want to be if it was not about the sexual experience? When you look in the mirror, who do you see - a gay man, a straight man, a bi man, a trans person, or something else. What would you claim as you truth if is was just you? That helped me a lot.
     
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  15. Bob J20

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    A single bisexual man. Who lived alone but had friends when I needed human interaction.
     
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  16. 74andHome

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    I’m pretty similar in a lot of ways. I’m a married bisexual person who identifies as bisexual. I hope to keep my marriage and find expression of both sides of me. Interesting world we live in.
     
  17. Bob J20

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    Yes it is. I often wonder if I’m a sex addict and I just need sex from both women and men. I think about it everyday, but I mostly think about sex with men and wonder if I think about m2m sex just because it’s something I rarely get.
     
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  18. 74andHome

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    Interestingly enough at one point I thought mine was addiction but spent almost a year with a therapist. Found out I was Bi instead. I don’t crave sex as much as I need to find the right ways to express my Bi-self. That may involve sex but it won’t be the driver any longer. Seems I don’t have anything to prove at this point.
     
  19. ashton234

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    I’ve had a strange few months. Even tho I’ve accepted beyond doubt I’m gay it’s like I’m having one final go at denial and being in the closet.

    I feel like some people are realising in my close friends and family but they don’t mention it.

    so bit of a contradiction my situation. But I have been hooking up with guys getting more friendly on a human level and ever so slightly more comfortable doing it.

    still terrified of being caught.

    So I accept and lie at the same time strange one. Hope soon I can just accept and be more happy.

    best wishes to all you guys on your own journey would love to hear from you guys and your stories.
     
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  20. 74andHome

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    Sounds like real progress to me. Everyone in their own way allowing for patience with both yourself and others.