I don't know why but I'm really struggling with accepting myself. I just wish I was hetero. I can't see me in a happy futur. But I just feel bad to not accept myself because everyone around me doesn't care. My friends accept me better than me. And my lgbt+ friends accept themselves better than I accept me. Or maybe they just don't talk about it. I don't know. Why do I block so much ? Why I just can't stop hating who I am ? When I'm starting to understand myself I begging to hate me. I shouldn't, it's not healthy to react that way. I feel like I can't have a good futur and somehow I always thought I had to have a good one. Maybe because my parents aren't really happy and I should do justice, I'm their only child and it would be unfair if everyone in the family wasn't really happy. I know it makes absolutly no sense, I know lots of people like me are happy, I know I don't have to be happy if my parents are not, I know but I can't help but feel that way. I'm tired of me. I'm always scared to meet people who will hate me for who I am but I'm the only one doing that.
Hugs. I know the feeling. I had a really hard time to accept it all as well and hated myself. It will get better though. Try to be kinder to yourself. Your own thoughts really can be the biggest bully of them all. Try to turn them into positive thoughts instead, so like when you think you can't have a good future, then question it and say you're going to have the kind of future you want, since it's up to you and your own hard work on how it will turn out. You got this.
I'm sorry you're struggling. For many of us, we're harder on ourselves than anyone else will ever be--sometimes because there was a time when someone else was, but sometimes it seemingly comes from nowhere. Take it one day at a time, and hard as it might be, try not to compare yourself to your other friends, LGBT or not: "comparison is the thief of joy", as they say, and it's true--every time we try to live up to someone else's standards and not our own, we rob ourselves of having our own unique experiences and views. Have you tried talking to your friends about this? I'm sure some of those you think accepted themselves easily have off days too, or could tell you about a time when they weren't so content with their sexualities. It could be that you have more common ground with them than you realize.
