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Embracing your homosexuality

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by eron, Jan 11, 2023.

  1. Contented

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    Searching, I totally understand as this is exactly how I felt when I once and for all said I didn’t find women sexually attractive and in reality found their sexual organs repulsive. It was a startling relief to finally admit it to myself. I was never comfortable naked with women, not a problem with men. Kissing and making out just seemed perfunctory, just something I had to do. When I was finally free of it, the sense of freedom was intense. With a man everything comes ease.
     
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  2. Searching2022

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    It's good to know others experienced this, especially ones so sure in the their sexuality. It makes me feel like there is no way I am every going back to denial.

    I do feel with that step I have finally broken free and I am ready to start living fully as a gay man.
     
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  3. dch

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    It IS rather comical how I told myself so many absurd things in an effort to hide what is so obvious now. It’s astounding that it seemed to work for so many years.
     
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  4. dch

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    I know you’re right about this. Unfortunately I’m at least a few months away from being able to exit this relationship for reasons that aren’t worth going into here. But I do absolutely agree that it isn’t fair to either of us.
     
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  5. Searching2022

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    I am beginning to feel this way! It is an incredible feeling of freedom - actively letting go of years of trying to like women or even holding onto the hetero idea that women are sexually arousing for men.

    Don't feel bad- I pretty much denied the fact that I could barely, rarely orgasm with women but had to keep myself from organsming fantasizing about men. Then were all those times having sex with women that I had to think about a guy.
    Ironically, we're pretty irrational when we are in denial and we have to make up elaborate excuses that wouldn't fool a five year old to deny what we are feeling and desiring.
     
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  6. Searching2022

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    I am finally beginning to understand what really 'embracing' means. It means shedding off the lies you created about your identity, actively nurturing and loving your true self. I loathed myself when I was in denial, I love myself when I accept and celebrate that I am gay. Embracing being gay means I can truly pursue intimacy with another person and seeing that as beautiful.
     
  7. Enzo46

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    Well said! Yes it means realising that being gay is beautiful and as you say something to be celebrated. I have never felt more fulfilled and confident since I realised this and took the decision to be out and proud. I dropped my BF off at the airport this week and we had a long goodbye kiss in the concourse before he went through security. I would never have thought a couple of years ago that I would be openly leading a gay life or confident enough to do this. But with each step you take you will become more confident and joyful in your gayness.
     
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  8. Searching2022

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    I have gone from being ashamed about my feelings and desires, to looking forward to the time when I have a boyfriend and penetrates me for the first time. It is as beautiful, loving and intimate an act as a husband and bride on their wedding night.

    I feel my confidence growing the more I embrace being gay. For years I just felt I was one of those 'not confident' people, but now I realized it was because I didn't believe the lies I was telling myself.

    I feel a burning desire to start coming out now, I never would have thought this was possible even a few months ago!
     
  9. Contented

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    Like so many here I would have never imagined living an openly gay life just a few years ago. It is so wonderful to live gay without reservations, guilt, second guessing and internalized homophobia. At the beginning of coming out I struggled with PDAs out of a misplaced sense embarrassment tied to some lingering homophobia. Over a short period I was able to overcome those feelings and now can express my feeling towards by BF openly. Holding hands, hugging, kissing now seems so natural now anywhere we feel like. For me I get a physical and emotional high when my man refers to be as his BF. It serves to emphatically identify us a gay and a couple. I love that feeling. I want people to know I am gay, I am in a loving sexual and emotional relationship with another man along with being happier than I ever have been in my life. I have jettisoned many of the trappings of my pseudo heterosexual life including toxic masculinity having evolved into a proud homosexual.
     
    #109 Contented, Feb 4, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2023
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  10. Gayhusband

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    I agree. Though, for me I didn’t hide “it” very well. At one point very briefly my best friend and I became a thing. I think for that brief moment I had enough confidence to be gay and out. He eventually became very homphobic towards me and I went right back into the closet. After our falling out I would sometimes run into people who were around when I was momentarily out of the closet. I would do just about anything to avoid them or worse engage in having a conversation with them. I basically acted like that particular experience or any previous gay experiences I’d had never happened.
     
  11. Contented

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    You are absolutely correct having a BF and making love is a beautiful experience. Allowing your BF to penetrate you is both humbling and empowering at the same time. It is the ultimate intimate connection two men can make.
     
    #111 Contented, Feb 5, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2023
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  12. dch

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    It's unfortunate that fear and shame causes us to backpedal when we're so close to accepting the truth and being open about it. I've come close to accepting that I'm gay at least once or twice in the last few years only to tell myself, "Nah, I'm not gay," and go right back to living a lie. And in your case, it's also unfortunate that your friend chose to turn on you rather than to accept himself and his actions.
     
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  13. Gayhusband

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    He definitely didn’t make it easier for me at a time when I was very confused. He was the only man I have ever been with that I thought about and wanted to be my boyfriend. After that experience I became extremely closeted. I felt so hurt and betrayed. I’ve never really allowed myself to think about a guy in a romantic way since.
     
  14. Enzo46

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    Yes it’s so sad that fear and shame and the heteronormative conditioning to which we are all subject stops people from accepting their sexuality. It seems mad that this should still be happening. As we all know, there is nothing wrong or sinful about being gay or having sex with men. It is the way we were born and we should take pride in being our authentic selves. Being a proud openly gay man is giving me such fulfillment and joy.
     
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  15. Jakebusman

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    I have tried to push back my attraction to guys and forget about it but could only hold it in for so long
     
  16. Enzo46

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    As I and others have said, this is the fairly normal course. The desire just grows in intensity until you know that you have to experience sex with a guy but once you do you realise how fulfilling and liberating it is to accept your true sexuality. Of course the path can often be strewn with difficulties and it is best to be honest as regards people with whom you have an existing relationship but I think that ignoring these desires just makes them grow stronger.
     
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  17. Jakebusman

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    Im married so can't really explore that but still have the urges and feelings
     
  18. Enzo46

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    I do feel for you. It is a horrible position to be in. However I was also married and had exactly the same conundrum. Admittedly I am gay rather than bi so it was a bit different for me and it took 8 years for me to realise that I had no option but to come clean and following that my wife and I separated. This was all heart-wrenching stuff at the time but I am certain that the outcome was the best for my wife and me and now we are both living fulfilling lives. As I say, it is different for you as you are bi but I still think that honesty with your wife is the best course, otherwise you will get more and more miserable.
     
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  19. Jakebusman

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    What you mean ?
     
  20. dch

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    Again, I'm really sorry that happened to you. Things like that definitely make it even harder to overcome any shame we might feel about being gay. And your friend's betrayal might be making it difficult to feel like you can trust anyone else in the future. How long ago did this happen? I'm hopeful that those of us who are still in the early stages of our journey will all meet someone down the road we feel strongly enough towards to summon up the courage to overcome whatever obstacles seem to be holding us back and that we will trust them enough to feel safe exploring our homosexuality.
     
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