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Embracing your homosexuality

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by eron, Jan 11, 2023.

  1. Contented

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    Again so well said. Gay sexuality and its sexual practices should be looked upon as a normal expression of love and passion between two men. There is nothing wrong, evil, sinful etc about two men engaged intimate behavior of any kind. We need to celebrate it!
     
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  2. Searching2022

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    It took me a long long time to accept this but in reality I find women beautiful but their sexual parts or having sex of them is not desirable
    Good point!

    My heart raced and I got a warm feeling thinking about this!

    This is a great way to think about it.

    Yes! I told about my shame to a woman who I am close friends with she said exactly that! Why should you feel shame about wanting a man 'between your legs' ? That's what most straight women want.

    Thank you this was so well said and inspiring!

    These posts made me realize I don't feel any personal shame about it but more of fear from 'others'
     
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  3. Searching2022

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    There is a crossover point where denial just wears you down and starts to feel like a burden. You realize all your fears, denial are just holding you back, you no longer worry about every possible objection your mind comes up with (I had a girlfriend once, I once enjoyed sex with a woman), you realize there is a greater truth - that your desire to be with a man romantically and sexually is stronger than all that and you just want to surrender to it -and in the surrender is the freedom from the fear and guilt.
     
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  4. Contented

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    It is very true that after you begin to acknowledge your same sex attraction heterosexuality starts to become a burden you can no longer carry. Scales start to tip in the other direction as you embark on discovering the sensual and emotional pleasures of same sex attraction. Once you start to feel the romantic vibes of being with another man I think it’s almost impossible to go back. In a short period of time being intimate on all levels with another man replaces anything that has gone before. It is a wonderfully freeing experience.
     
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  5. Enzo46

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    Yes, it is absolutely impossible to go back. After acknowledging my same sex attractions I soon realised that I had no trace of heterosexuality in me and could no longer fake it physically or mentally and then when I experienced intimacy with a man it was like an explosion - everything felt so right natural and amazing. An amazing liberation!
     
  6. Searching2022

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    That's because there is no place to go back to, it was all a lie we told ourselves.
    This happened to me at first slowly, then like a damn bursting, everything became clear. The lies I told myself, the excuses i made up, the denial the repression all went from being a source of comfort to being blocks to acceptance.
    The biggest lie I told myself was "I find women beautiful, and wish I can have sex with them" But what I realized was yes I found them beautiful but I had no sexual attraction to them and in fact was repulsed by thinking of a naked woman sexually and that I was 'wishing' I was attracted - which I rationalized as sexual attraction. It became a relief to no longer force myself to try to imagine something I found revolting. But when I was in denial I could not admit I found sex with women disgusting.

    There have been occasions I enjoyed sex with women but it was only because of how I felt, I had no desire to actually touch them or try to stimulate them or make them feel good. where I naturally desire to make man feel good.

    I haven't had sex yet but the desire for it seems so natural and real compared to trying to force it with women.
     
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  7. Searching2022

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    No matter how I tried to stop it, accepting I was gay felt so good and right. When I tried to go back into a denial I felt dead, when I accepted myself I felt alive, I felt beautiful about my desires, once that shift happened, I felt secure in my identity, I knew I was gay -and that acceptance eliminates all the silly back and forth chatter in my head about how to 'fix' it or how what excuse I have to make for desiring sex with a man.
     
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  8. Enzo46

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    I think you have crossed the Rubicon and that your future path is now clear. You have to do what is right for you and not worry about any possible critical reactions from other people - any other option would mean you denying your true nature and lead to misery. I can’t begin to describe adequately how fulfilling and exciting it is to start leading the gay life you were always meant to. You will soon get to the stage where you find it exciting to be seen as gay. I found that very few friends failed to support me when I started coming out in quite difficult circumstances and in any case I am now finding that my boyfriend and I are tending to socialize mainly with other gay men as we have so much more in common with them.
     
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  9. Searching2022

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    Yes! It feels good - knowing I am not going back to the anguish of denial and arguing back and forth with myself.
    When I read this I immediately clicked with it. I have had a strong desire lately to come out to people, and where I used to fantasize about anonymous or secret gay sex, now I fantasize about kissing a boyfriend in front of everyone after we announce our engagement :slight_smile:
    Yes I want to be seen as gay because I am gay!
    Yes this makes sense and where I see myself going.
     
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  10. Contented

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    At the very beginning of starting to acknowledge my same sex attraction I argued with myself. I can’t be gay because I have been with women and even married one. This just has to be a middle aged crisis of some kind. As time went on the harder I fought it, the powerful the desire to be with a man became. It dominated my thoughts and consumed me. As I started to accept the fact that I was gay I wanted to hide. Sure I completely enjoyed being intimate with another man but I was no homo and certainly didn’t want to identified as a gay man. That of course changed as I started to shed my homophobia and societal heteronormative programming. As my sexuality evolved I started to want my identity public and private to be that of a gay man. It makes me feel wonderful for me to seen as a proud gay man. It took awhile but I relish PDAs with my BF now with removes any doubt. Like many here our social group now is almost exclusively gay men. I love being with them, sharing our lives, our loves, and being part of an ever expanding group of proud gay men.
     
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  11. Enzo46

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    I too relish PDAs with my BF. We went to an art exhibition this morning and held hands walking along to the museum and stood close together as an obvious couple at the exhibition - feels so natural. Strange how I would have been repulsed by this before I got rid of my internalized homophobia but now get a thrill from feeling free to act affectionately with my BF and being seen as a proud open gay couple.
     
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  12. Kevins1197

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    I’ve always know I’ve had some sort of attraction to other males but I honestly just thought it was a kink I’d grow out of.

    As I’ve gotten older my attraction to men has gotten stronger or at least I’m more comfortable acknowledging I’m attracted to men, the male body is a beautiful thing and if feels natural and right to be attracted to men

    Since admitting to myself that I’m gay the idea of two men being intimate and sexual has given me the most powerful feelings of lust and longing to touch a man.

    I love the feeling being gay and men trigger feelings women never did. I’m still in the closet but I wish I could have embraced my homosexuality a lot sooner.
     
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  13. Enzo46

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    It took me much longer to accept my own homosexuality. There is no point regretting the past but just think how exciting and fulfilling the present and future can be once you shed your heteronormative programming and follow through on your desires. It is often far from easy but I can tell you that I have never felt more fulfilled and enlivened on every level than I do now as an openly gay man.
     
  14. Incoming

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    I started becoming physically and emotionally obsessed about other boys in my class starting at the age of 11 or so. (Actually, the earliest incident was around 8 or 9 when I kept stealing another boy's socks and sniffing them like glue).

    By the time I was 13 or so, I had seen too much porn to pretend I could ever have interest in women. Meanwhile I was shoplifting gay magazines from newsstands on a regular basis.

    So I had no trouble accepting my homosexuality - the naked men in those pages were the loves of my life. What I couldn't accept until much later was allowing others to * know * about my homosexuality. That was the big leap.
     
    #34 Incoming, Jan 23, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2023
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  15. Contented

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    It truly is horrible that many of us due to either internalized homophobia or society’s irrationality about same sex attraction forced us to live hidden. We wasted so many years, endless frustration, tears and fears over something that was as natural to us as breathing. We were treated as second class or worse perverts. For nothing more than following our natural sexual inclinations. Glad that is slowly starting to disappear.
     
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  16. trailrider

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    I'm still in a straight marriage. My wife has known about my sexuality for many many years. ( many details I am leaving out for sake of this thread)
    My sexual desire for her has became less and less over the years. If she is trying to please me, she will tell me to close my eyes and let my mind go wherever I want. She says she doesn't care if I am thinking about men while she goes down. .......but anymore.....I still can't. I just stop her and tell not to worry about it. She will look disappointed, but I just hug her and tell her that I am gay. I am really really gay and this is no big deal.
     
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  17. Gayhusband

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    Losing control was when I first was able to explore a side of myself I tried desperately to control. My “surrender” helped me to solidify my understanding of the boundaries I had built up while denying and repressing myself and my needs/desires. It was a very scary time in retrospect. Take your time. Don’t fear yourself. You are golden. Gay is more than ok
     
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  18. Gayhusband

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    I’m right there with you
     
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  19. Enzo46

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    I agree that this was so mad but things have improved to such a great extent over the last 20 years or so. There is still a lot of ignorance around but on the whole most people in the liberal western world will have come across gay relatives, friends or colleagues and understand that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. So we are all able if we want and can to live open lives and be our authentic selves in these countries. Since I have started coming out properly and have begun to live as an openly gay man I have not met with any real difficulties. So we can rejoice at how much has been achieved and be hopeful for the future. Obviously though there are still many countries where this is not possible and let’s hope that that begins to change.
     
  20. dch

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    I’m still struggling with coming to terms with my sexual orientation, even after many years. It’s only been within the last few years that I’ve accepted that I’m not straight. How “not straight” I am is something I still wrestle with though. I’ve rarely allowed myself to explore my same sex attraction very much because of fear/shame. The few times that I have felt amazing and very intense. But I’ve been convinced that I’m still attracted to women. So then I only pursue relationships with women because I tell myself I can be content with them, rather than go through the potential consequences of coming out as either bi or gay. Part of me believes I am genuinely attracted to women. But part of me wonders if I’m just deluding myself out of fear and shame. It’s been very confusing. When I’m out in public, I tend to notice attractive women, but otherwise my fantasies are almost exclusively about men. I can’t seem to decide if I’m bi or if I’m actually gay and am wasting everyone’s time by attempting to date women. I’ve had a girlfriend for the last couple of years, and we’ve been living together for a while. So unfortunately I’m not really in a position to explore my sexuality at the moment.
     
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