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Is what I'm most comfortable identifying as offensive to the community?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by KyDaKidd, May 1, 2021.

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  1. KyDaKidd

    KyDaKidd
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    I had been identifying as a lesbian for a bit of time now cause it was what I was most comfortable with. I'm mainly sexually attracted to women with the exception of 1 man I've known for years. Due to that a "friend" told me I make the LGBTQ+ community look bad and I am offensive to the lesbian community. I felt awful and still do so for a few days I have just said homoflexible cause bi just doesn't feel right to me. For the first time in 5 almost 6 years since I've come out as anything in general I feel gross about my sexual orientation and just dont feel right anywhere anymore. I dont fully really know what my question is but i guess it is was I in the wrong for identifying as that and what do I do now I suppose.
     
    #1 KyDaKidd, May 1, 2021
  2. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    Welcome to EC.

    Your "friend" was rude and is wrong. First of all no one should be expected to represent an entire community or segment of society. Let alone on as diverse as the LGBT+ community. Second you have harmed no one by being who you are.

    I believe that the labels that we use should be for communicating and should not define or limit us. Use whatever label works for you to tell others how you would like to be seen. If a label that you have used no longer seems to represent your true self then there is also no shame in changing the label to help communicate to people. I think that homoflexible does sound pretty good to describe how you say you are.

    Lastly, anyone who tries to make you feel bad for being you is no friend and should be avoided.
     
    #2 QuietPeace, May 1, 2021
    Ipswichfan, Kyrielles, Shorthaul and 1 other person like this.
  3. KyDaKidd

    KyDaKidd
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    I started identifying myself as a lesbian because with one exception I can't find myself with a man due to past trauma and honestly am scared to death of men especially in that way and dont be seen as a possible interest when Ik it will never happen.

    And ik she is not a very good friend that hurt to say but its true. I'm scared to leave the friendship cause I care for her a now I'm her only good friend and dont wanna leave people alone with nothing but toxic people...
     
    #3 KyDaKidd, May 1, 2021
  4. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    It might happen and it might not. If the only man you have ever been interested in was in the past then identifying as a lesbian does work. I do not think that anyone should be forced to identify according to past behavior. Many people get into relationships or get involved because of heteronormativity and it is not their fault. If only "gold star" lesbians were allowed to identify as lesbian there would not be very many. I myself identified as a lesbian for years because I was sick of how men treated me and due to them refusing to take no for an answer. (I later identified as asexual and now as demisexual).

    You are not responsible for her life. The way she acted towards you is toxic and she does not deserve to have you as a friend. If she wants to have friends then she needs to start treating people better. Toxic people deserve to have toxic people in their lives, let them feed off each other and leave us decent people alone.

    Two related quotes
     
    #4 QuietPeace, May 1, 2021
  5. sojabohnenfeld

    sojabohnenfeld
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    Did you know this "friend" well? Just remember. You know yourself best. It's so backwards that this person decided to insult you for having had feelings to one man before... sexuality is so much more than just men/women/all are hot. Of course, I'm gay, and I find men attractive and it's wrong for people to lie about their sexuality in any way. But you literally aren't? I'm sorry they assumed that. Maybe this helps :slight_smile:
     
    #5 sojabohnenfeld, May 1, 2021
  6. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
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    Doesn't sound much like a 'friend' to me, more like an a**hole.
     
    #6 chicodeoro, May 2, 2021
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