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Should I Come Out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LilLady9, Apr 5, 2021.

  1. LilLady9

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    I've been thinking about coming out to everyone, but I'm not sure if I should/need to/want to, etc.

    I have a sibling that came out to everyone as a transgender woman a few years ago and it went pretty well. Both of my parents were pretty accepting (my mom more so than my dad). My two other siblings were also pretty accepting of her gender identity as well.

    Awhile after my sister came out, I told her and one of my other siblings that I was bisexual and they were both very accepting but had a lot of questions, "have you ever done anything with another guy? Who was it with? What did you do?, etc." Which I was perfectly fine with. They are the only two people that I have came out to and they told me that they haven't told anyone. However, I do think my mom and dad etc. have an idea that I'm bisexual, for various reasons.

    I'm sure if I told my parents and my other sibling, they would be just as accepting. As for my childhood friends, I think most of them would be accepting for the most part but I'm sure some of them would make jokes, etc.

    As for why I said I'm not sure if I need to/want to is because I don't really think my bisexuality has any implications in my life. Unless, of coarse, I started dating a guy/had a boyfriend, which I'm open to but I don't think is super likely to happen. In all honesty, at this point, I would rather just hook up or have a friend with benefits (like I did when I was younger) whenever I'm single.

    So, should I come out?

    I really appreciate your thoughts, opinions, perspective, or advice!
     
    #1 LilLady9, Apr 5, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2021
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  2. Comrade

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    I suggest that if you feel ready you should :grin: ! But, it will be hard. That's what we're here for.
     
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  3. Gipsy

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    I believe that if it's truly bothering you of the idea that they don't know (I'm thinking if you're posting this, surely you want them to know) then you should be able to tell them, especially if you believe they'll be accepting of it. And it feels even more secured because you've already had a sibling that came out, so why not take a risk? Like the above poster said, you have us as a support!
     
  4. Bibo

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    I think you should tell them but it will be hard. You will need a lot of courage but dont rush tell them when your when your ready and take your time.
     
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  5. Chip

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    Honesty and authenticity is important in any relationship. If you feel that holding on to that secret is impacting your ability to be open in any way, then it makes sense to tell them. Otherwise, not important until/unless you are seeing a guy.
     
  6. LilLady9

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    Thanks for the advice so far everyone. I'm sure I'll eventually come out, but I think I'm going to hold off for awhile. Similar to what @Chip said, if start seeing or dating a guy then I'll definitely come out sooner than later.
     
  7. Comrade

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    My best of luck to you!
     
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  8. LilLady9

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    Thank you so much, @Comrade.
     
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  9. Comrade

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    My pleasure, friend :slight_smile:
    Tell me how it goes.
     
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  10. LilLady9

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    Will do!
     
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  11. quebec

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    BiBoyToy.....The decision when to come out and whom to come out to is completely up to you. Nobody should force you or pressure you. It's a choice that is uniquely yours. It sounds like in your case that it won't cause a big problem like it does in some families. I'm very glad for you that it will be that way. Still...it is a choice for you to make. Are there reasons that would affect your decision either pro or con? Perhaps it would be a good idea to write down the reasons both for and against coming out and considering each of them. I am out to part of my family, but not to everyone. It's not that the ones that I'm not out to would reject me, it's just that there is no current reason that I need to be out to them. If, in the future, there is a reason that I believe means I should tell them, then I most likely will come out to them. So...do you just want all of your family to know? There's certainly nothing wrong with that. Or are you waiting, like I am, for a reason that would make it a good idea to come out to them?
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  12. LilLady9

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    That's a great idea. I'm going to do that tonight!

    I can totally relate and would say this is the number one reason I have only came out to a few people. There's just no current reason to come out to everyone. Being bisexual, it would only really make sense to come out if I start seeing a guy.

    Yes, I'm waiting for a reason that would make it a good idea to come out to them, such as me seeing a guy, which I'm not sure will happen anytime soon, or any other reason.

    @quebec, thank you for your input. It has helped a lot!
     
  13. Bastion

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    @BiBoyToy

    I think coming out to anyone is a personal choice. Take your time and think about it. If it’s it’s going to make a difference in your life for the better. Then yeah go for it. If like you say and others suggested you don’t see a reason why you should come out in the first place. Don’t o
    For me I feel a bit the same.Yes even though I acknowledge that I may be attracted to women and men. But I am in a relationship with my partner a Woman and I don’t know if that will change.
     
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  14. Kyla06

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    Hi! When you come out is completely up to you! You are not alone. I also want to come out as bisexual, but don’t know how to yet! If people are not supporting, just remember you have a whole community who will always support you and love you for who you are!
     
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  15. LilLady9

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    Thank you so much, @Kyla06. I really appreciate your kind words! <3
     
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  16. LilLady9

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    I finally came out to my last sibling that didn't know. Now all of my siblings know I'm bisexual and they are all very accepting. However, I haven't told anyone else: friends, parents, other family, etc.
     
    #16 LilLady9, Jun 29, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2021
  17. Bastion

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    Great. How does it feel to come out? If you don’t mind me asking.
     
  18. LilLady9

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    It honestly felt great. I might just be weird, but it was sort of a euphoric experience. I also really enjoyed telling him about my experiences, feelings, etc. :slight_smile:
     
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  19. Love2sleep

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    Coming out is a personal journey and there are no right or wrong ways in how, when, and even if not! Take your time and listen to the inner you, you’ll find the answers you seek within yourself.
    It’s great to hear you feel euphoria about releasing your sexuality to all of your siblings and the response from them makes me smile.
    The main thing is you feel good and however your journey pans out, I wish you the very best of luck!
     
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  20. arken1

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    It's a conundrum, though, because maybe if you do come out, you'd more readily find a bf or be able to express yourself more openly, etc. I am having the same struggle with coming out to some extended family, and I don't really have strong motivation either way.

    However, I keep getting the sense that being as open as possible is the best thing for my life, even if there's no obvious consequence or benefit right now.
     
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