I was not looking for a space to explore my sexuality, I was not looking to answer that question most of us struggle at some point in life; “Who am I?” I just accepted it all at a very early stage in my life; I will never have a partner, will never know what it means to love a human being in a sense of romantic relationship, will never have a child, will never have someone to hug and sleep together and wake up, have breakfast with, drink some tea, and enjoy the rest of the day, will never be able to say “I love you” to another one. I had already accepted all these narratives at a very early stage in my life, none of these were relevant to me! My heart was not functioning, almost lose the sense of excitement, and heart beat! But at the same time I knew that I was carrying these heavy baggage with me, wherever I go, even if I change a continent, moved from Turkey to the USA. They came with me, they’re just with me, each time I breathe, they’re still there. And I know, I can’t breathe… I’m a graduate student in the USA, coming from Turkey. This’s my third year here. I read articles from diverse disciplines. I’m not sure when I recognized this one, but I found empty closet, then! We all have ways of meeting with empty closet, right? This is how it came to me, how I somehow found this space. Miller, B. (2016). A computer-mediated escape from the closet: Exploring identity, community, and disinhibited discussion on an internet coming out advice forum. Sexuality & Culture, 20, 602-625. Doi: 10.1007/s12119-016-9343-4, https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-016-9343-4 And, I enjoyed it here, like many others. I liked the tone of the language used in this community. I read and read and read, definitely learned a lot! Perhaps I see that I’m not the only one going through what I’m going through right now, at this stage of my life. Perhaps, I’m not the only one struggling with finding those words to explain what this is that I’m experiencing, what happened to me! Maybe, I’m not the only one having pains of coming up with terms that will make me feel secure and safe! Perhaps, I’m not the only one lost, looking for, trying, and losing again. I liked it here. Thanks for reading if you’ve come so far! I just wanted to be here, just for now. Not sure if I’ll have the courage to fully open up!
It makes me sad for anyone to have to spend their life in the closet. I did for too long and I was not able to handle it. I hope that you do find what you need here.
Welcome. I can relate to what you're saying, it's pretty tough, but hang in there, it sounds pretty cliché but you never know what the future holds. It can be difficult expressing your emotions, but we're all pretty friendly here, should make it easier if you decide to share anything
My friend you decided all that for yourself so early! I agree with @Andrew7 you never know what future holds. Share yourself with people here. Great mature advisors are there at EC. You ping them. Make replies to threads whichever you find interesting. It actually increases the air around you to breathe. I am merely a week old here so not at the level to advise you but we can share ourselves. By "fully open up" I hope you mean "out to all".
Your location says Tallahassee, so I assume you're at FSU (my fiance and I both live there too and recently graduated). Some things you could try to meet other gay people here: - join the LGBT student union - join the college Democrat's club (there are a lot of gay people in it) - Go to the psychology department's events (lots of their grad and undergrad students are gay) - Go to local nightclubs/bars on LGBT/drag queen nights - Just walk around campus and look for the obviously flamboyant gay guys, there are quite a few, become friends with them If it were allowed on this site I could send you over 100 of my Tally LGBT friend's contact info too, but it's not unfortunately. I promise there are a whole bunch of LGBT people around here you could meet/date though.
