Midlife crisis, confusion or real

This is indeed very interesting. Very nice. Honestly, I haven’t heard anything like that could work or be possible. What you have described could very well be the best of both worlds scenario. But what about your children? Are they like okay with it? And I want to say something but am kind of embarrassed to say. What kind of benefits are we talking about here. I say this only because a friend of mine has been through hell two times with a person who is supposedly FWB but it was more like a business arrangement and then it went bad after that you don’t want to hear the rest of it. Am still kinda shocked to think about it.

Or is it just like a real genuine affection and attraction and from both sides.

 

So how did you cope during all this time. Like the ten years period. Did you have like hidden affairs. Cause even straight guys can sometimes have mistresses on the side.

Am very interested in the process. I think about it a lot of the time. Sometimes it consumes me. Makes me anxious and stressed out. I can’t sleep. I get angry sometimes. It takes a toll that I have not for seen before. But I managed to reduce that by going to the gym and staying active. But also sometimes I can’t focus because am running scenarios in my head. And it takes a toll out of my life that even people notice am not myself in someways.

Maybe I need to take things step by step. Maybe some coaching with people who have have been through it can help me out also.

I know I have somewhere a hidden problem with acceptance also. But my environment is also kind of negative and not very accepting. So I tend to think what I feel is not valid or is not real.

 

Very informative and valuable insights. I really like how you express things. Like down to earth, honest, natural, effortless way. It’s very serene and shows very much that you put the effort and the hard work, going through the process, the journey, the struggle and now you are at peace with it.

I still am not clear how you view this like an experience? or a phase? you say after this friendship/ intimacy with the FWB guy is over. You are done with being a bi person. Does this mean you needed a change in your life? And now that you have experienced or explored this wonderful thing with this guy. It’s gonna be over that you won’t be gay or bi or anything just a straight person.
And also you seem adamant in thinking I am gay. And that I should own up to it. In your last paragraph. Maybe am just like you. A bi married man.

Btw if you write a book one day. I will be one of the first people to buy it. Because Your writing is very good, insightful, engaging and honest.

 

Yes. This makes sense in a lot of ways. And I do find that sex is as you said secondary to the sexuality and I am attracted to both men and women. But even so I don’t find it necessary to have sex to prove am this or that. Also I don’t go out of my way chasing this person or that person for that purpose only. Not anymore maybe because we are older and not teenagers or in our twenties . Our needs have changed and our way of thinking. We look for connections. And more deeper and fulfilling ones. Not just the act itself.

 

I want you to add that I really appreciate our conversation and it is very helpful to me and I wanted to thank you for spending the time and sharing your experience. I hope I didn’t offend you in anyway or say inappropriate things.

 

Cool. At this point am trying to figure things out. I know I did mess up on my journey sometimes. But I try and learn from my mistakes and perhaps that leads one to better under oneself. So how did you process things out and reach your inner peace and understanding. What were the high points, the low points and the main points that lead you to where you are now if I may ask?

 

Yes i can relate to that. I guess i always knew that i was different. I didn’t to conform to rigid Heteronormative indoctrination. It just sort of felt natural. I still don’t think it’s a big issue. I have developed a thick skin over the years. I can switch off and on this part and that part of me at will. But the environment in which one grows up, plays a big part and has a big effect on someone especially when it’s like 100% leaning towards traditional heteronormative societal pressures and moral codes.

My teenage years I guess. High school and stuff. That was the period were i kind of struggled the most in terms of relationships(intimate). I had friends off course but having a personality leaning more towards introversion than extroversion.

College was better. And after college even better. Then I settled into marriage and then one kind of starts to lose touch with friends because work, marriage, kids. Even though I was happy for a while. I keep having the feeling that maybe there is more to life than just marriage, kids work. You start to wonder that maybe you are missing something in your life. That people change and your are not living life to its fullest potential in accordance with how you feel.

So when this feeling that something is not quite complete in your life. You start to question. How can can it be better.