One of the hardest and most painful things I've learned the last 3 to 4 years is that friends are dynamic not static. What does this statement mean? Dynamic friends, even good ones, will come and go. Static, means friends for life which is rare. Can static mean like family members? Maybe but not guaranteed. Some family members go. Why do I write this in this post. Well I've had straight friends completely dump me since coming out to them. It's just a fact of life.
Sone people are like leaves. There for the seasons, but when it gets a little cold, they dip. Some people like branches they seem nice and sturdy but you got to watch some of those branches. Because sometimes a good storm come through them branches hit the ground too. Then some people they like that tree trunk they going to hold you up until lightening strikes and they all petrified. Then sometimes you get those real ones they the roots. They there for the long haul. But guess what? All of ‘em are important to the tree.
First, I have redefined what a friend is since embracing my sexuality and coming out. Today, friends are people where I have a non sexual emotional connection with. We share with each other those deep thoughts, feelings, and observations that we hold close to ourselves. Everyone else outside of that is an acquaintance. I may sometimes hang out with an acquaintance, go for a meal or some other social activity, but I am not emotionally connected to acquaintances. Interestingly, given how many places I have lived, most of my friends live in other cities but with social media, video conferencing and messaging apps we have been able to stay in close contact on a regular basis. My school friends (University, High/middle School, elementary) that I stay in touch with I still feel connected to, although time and life have separated us. I have stayed in touch with some of them over time, and when we are together we do share emotional thoughts, but such occurrences are far and few (and many of us live close to each other). Prior to coming out, I had a different definition for what a friend was. Such prior friend definition included acquaintances. After I embraced my sexuality and made myself vulnerable coming out to people, for the most part I received positive feedback. Interestingly, some people who were not family still needed to go through their own mourning process of letting go of the person they thought they were friends with and re embracing the gay person I am. I saw that happen with some of my childhood school friends. Also, I perceived out of my own low self esteem back then some negative reactions; but upon further reflection and discussion such reactions actually were not negative at all. Some other prior adult friends did change their behavior towards me after I embraced my sexuality. i was expecting some people would even before telling them. But the number that did was small. I was expecting and mentally prepared myself for a significantly larger negative reaction from people than what actually occurred. Remain vulnerable. It will continue to build your own self confidence. Friends, as you stated, are dynamic. You will figure out who your real friends are as you progress on your journey.
From a young age, one of the most important things I learnt in life is that nothing is forever. This includes friendship. I've learnt to always assume my friendship with someone is going to be short-term. It could be a few weeks, months, maybe a few years. Eventually we'll part ways eventually. My longest friendship so far is one of nearly 12 years. I never assume we'll be friends for the rest of our lives, but we're extremely close and we know one another almost completely. That said, everyone's expectation of what makes a friend is different. To me, a friend is someone that accepts my quirks, my emotional baggage, listens to me, wants to spend time with me for me, and not because they're bored or I'm just conveniently there. Friendship is a 2-way thing. What I expect of them, I try to give in return.
