Separated and/or divorced from opposite sex partner, newly single after several years together

Hello. Well, I started this thread because I wonder how other people are coping with being newly single and also the potential for dating same sex people now.

I talked to a friend the other day and she said she didn’t know how to manage any of her finances (checkbook, bills, etc.) because her husband had always done it. I told her that I didn’t know what kind of food to buy, or even what food I liked, because my wife had always done the shopping. And I still do very little real cooking (although I did quite a bit before we were married but I seem to have lost it). I didn’t know what appliances were good and which ones to stay away from; she always chose.

Another aspect of being single is trying to date again and, along with that, manage relationships (yikes!). I’ve been dieting and working out, I dyed my hair (but it took several months to find a color that didn’t look stupid/fake with my complexion and mustache), and I finally bought some flattering clothing. In my little town, it was even hard to find other gay people, just to hang out with.

I’m wondering if other people are also having these kinds of problems? So, please post below if this is you, too.

 

Hi LostInDaydreams,

I, too, went from living with my parents to living with my former wife. So, like you, I never really had time to figure out myself either. It's like my personhood formed within the confines of the relationship, and her expectations, and other people's expectations (of us, as a couple, and my role in that unit).

I'm always attempting to get "a read" on new people when I meet them, so I can mirror their behavior (I'm in helping profession and I have to, in order to do a good job). But my therapist says, in personal relationships I should just be Me (as if I know what that means!). And, she said, if they don't like you, then it's not someone you want to bring further into your circle. There's a part of me that would rather be vanilla than deal with people's rejection, but I guess that's where self esteem comes into play.

How is your "finding yourself" journey progressing?