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Religious and LGBT

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by mellissa, Mar 29, 2020.

  1. mellissa

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    It is difficult to leave. Our faith and the community that it compromises of are our whole lives. Our community is like our family sometimes, even if they hurt us we love them. Sometimes we even feel like we are letting our faith/ community down by being LGBT+. It is complicated
     
  2. Tightrope

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    Well said. If a person has been in a faith community for a long time, it might become a part of their identity.
     
  3. mellissa

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    This might be too personal, but have you ever been part of a religious community? I think it is so important that current/former religious people on this site share their stories with others. Hearing from other Christians on this forum is greatly helping me navigate the conflict between my christian beliefs and my sexual orientation.
     
  4. Tightrope

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    Yes and no. Yes to having a denomination I'd say I'm affiliated with. No to being a part of a community I feel a part of.

    There are specific churches within most denominations which make charting the course more doable. For me, I've sort of given up because I just went, stood inside the church, and left. This lasted for years.
     
  5. mellissa

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    Do you mean that you were never too religious and that this made leaving church easy? Or do you mean that you started to feel alienated from the church when you felt some type of conflict between your sexuality and faith?
     
  6. Tightrope

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    I don't think I was overly religious. I used to go with my family. When I became an adult, I got busy with my studies and adult life and went less. When I saw how conservative some churches within my faith were and I had the misfortune of crossing paths with them, I pretty much stopped going. It's still my faith, for the most part, but I'm okay with not attending regularly. Your situation sounds very different from mine.
     
    #66 Tightrope, Apr 28, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2020
  7. BlueMonday

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  8. mellissa

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    I'm assuming this means that you have never felt conflict in your faith. Is that correct? Have you always been a Nihilist?
     
  9. BlueMonday

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    I don't believe in anything. No god, no purpose, nothing. Yes.
     
  10. TheodoreAC

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    That sounds like a exhausting and painful existence. I can not even imagine not being able to believe in myself and not being able to rely on the Lotus Sutra. How do you live? You say you have no purpose but do you not want to better yourself? To make others happy? Do you not have goals? How do you live day to day without wanting to end it all??? I'm sorry, but I can't imagine the life of a Nihilist, not believing in anything sounds so awful. :frowning2:
     
  11. Really

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    Hi @mellissa
    I saw this and wondered if it might be something to think about.
    upload_2020-5-2_14-39-33.png
     
  12. mellissa

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    Hello Thank you very much. It is just that reading the bible makes it difficult to accept myself. The things I read make me think and feel that something is wrong with me.
     
  13. Really

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    Fair enough. Question for you. Who wrote the bible?
     
  14. gravechild

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    Bearded old men
     
  15. Rin311

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    I grew up in a religious family and I was taught by both them and the church I attended that the Bible is the infallible word of God. That created a huge burden of self hatred and shame for me, that I'm still trying to deal with, years later. This dogma eventually made me lose my family when they tried to send me to conversion therapy back when I was 15-16 years old.
    I believed I was a traitor to God's word, that I don't deserve to live, and tried to kill myself twice (which is the exact opposite of the divine act of creation, when you think about it). Eventually I realized that God created me the way I am - gay - and that that's the way it is. I've spent many, many hours praying for God to change me. He didn't, even though He can. That must mean I am the way He wants me.
    I am not very close to God or religion these days. I don't attend any church, or pray, or read the Bible. There's something about these activities that brings up a lot of anxiety for me, like an emotional trauma.
    I know, when I think about it, that if God is watching, He is probably waiting for me to find my way back.
    I don't know how to reconcile all these thintgs you've mentioned, and the verses you brought up. Eventually, there's not much that can be done other than try to live your life to the best of your ability without hurting others. I guess I just wanted to write that maybe there is no clear-cut answer, other than to be kind to yourself and others, and to live your life fully. Reading testimonies written by other LGBT Christians helps. Talking to people helps. This is also a process of change and growth that we need to go through, and that takes time.
    Whatever you do, don't take out your shame and guilt on yourself, hurt yourself or sabotage yourself in any way. It'll only make things worse. Staying away from toxic people and toxic churches that preach hate will help you feel better about yourself and create a more positive relationship with God. Most of all, give yourself time and take care.
     
  16. Unsure77

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    Again, if you want to feel differently, you’ll have to do something differently. You probably need to either find a gay affirming therapist and/or a gay affirming church. If you stay in a church that continually tells you you’re screwed up and surround yourself with people who tell you continually you’re screwed up, you’re going to feel screwed up. It’s the only messaging you’re getting in real life. You have surrounded yourself with people who tell you that you’re defective. So of course you feel defective. They’re not going to support any interpretation of scripture that tells you otherwise. They’re invested in believing you’re defective.

    The way to change that is to start putting people who support and accept you (the real you) in your life and who can help you find better ways of looking at things. But only you can make the choice to do that. It’s hard, but you’re the only one who can do it.

    But, make no mistake, by making no changes, you also are making a choice.
     
    #76 Unsure77, May 3, 2020
    Last edited: May 3, 2020
  17. mellissa

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    Since joining this website meeting people like yourself and other LGBT Christians has me thinking that there might not be a clear cut answer. I've started to think that there will never be a way to reconcile what is in the bible and my sexual orientation. That being said, I only feel comfortable with a clear-cut answer. I need something definitive. I guess that speaks to my extremist nature. I think that I need to mature. I need to learn that sometime life is not always black and white.
    Similar to you since this lock down, I have stopped attending my church and speaking to my Christian friends. I even stopped reading my bible for a little while. However, I want to go back to God. I want to re-connect with Him. I just don't know how to. I don't have any LGBT-friendly churches near me.
     
  18. mellissa

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    Nice to see you again.
    It is hard to separate from people whom you have a deep relationship with. It is easier because of the lock down, but when this over, I don't know how I will not go back to the people at my church and in my Christian Club. I can't find an LGBT-friendly church near me. I have no time to see a therapist because I'm way to busy with school and work.
    I do fear losing so many years of my life being unhappy, but I still don't know how to be away from my church.
    You are absolutely right, by not making changes I am making a choice.
     
  19. Unsure77

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    Are there not any Methodist, Lutheran, or Episcopalian churches in your area? And does your school not have groups for those denominations? Methodist isn’t affirming across the board but most of them are in North America. Episcopalian and Lutheran are affirming across the board. And therapy takes an hour once every week or two. It’s not a lot of time (especially considering you probably spend several times that in church if I were a betting girl). Plus, you make time for things that are important to you. Considering the issue the question becomes are you important to you?
     
    #79 Unsure77, May 3, 2020
    Last edited: May 3, 2020
  20. Joe Ray

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    I think there is no way to know, but rather to trust in God. Trust that your faith is enough to carry you through this difficult time. That's what I'm doing now, and I assure you it's one of the scariest things I've ever done. My biggest fear is that come judgment day, I learn I've done something wrong. But I'll trust in God and know that if I weren't supposed to be gay, my faith would have carried me through to make the right decision to either stay celibate or seek a partner. And even through my faith I feel in my heart that the only right thing to do is to find love and raise children. There's no obvious answer as to how to deal with the internal conflict other than the faith in knowing God will do what's best for me and all of his followers. It's just a leap of faith.