I posted about this back in November, but things haven’t really improved. We spilt up nine months ago and my ex still seems to think there’s a chance of us getting back together - he bought me a 1kg chocolate bunny for Easter. I’ve consistently said ‘no’ every time that he’s specifically asked and I’ve been quite clear about not being willing to consider it, which he seems to think is unreasonable. He bought me an expensive Lego set for Xmas, which was soar from our daughter, but I did tell him that it wasn’t appropriate to spend so much. I only interact with him when it involves our daughter - phones calls between them, handover, catching up about progress at school, etc. I’m positive in these interactions for the sake of our daughter, but I think he might be reading it the wrong way. Any ideas? I was thinking of giving the bunny away and telling him that’s what I had done. I don’t really want that much chocolate anyway. He doesn’t know that I’m gay, but I’m reluctant to tell him because he can be very unkind and deliberately awkward. It would, however, probably put an end to him thinking that we might get back together. I’m not out to family yet though, so that bridge to cross first.
Tell him your gay. Your not being honest with him but hat will surely end his efforts to get back together. You already stated it yourself so you know what the right answer is. The question is, are you ready to tell your family if you see that as a first step before telling him?
In other threads you’ve used stronger descriptives when describing his behavior: “abusive” It sounds to me that he does not respect your boundaries and does not listen to you. Personally, I would not open up to a bully, just in the hopes he might then go away. You said no. You left him, very carefully as I remember because you were afraid. Afraid is good - listen to your gut reminding you his behavior does not warrant your being open and vulnerable about your sexual orientation.
Honestly, judging from his behaviour alone, even if you weren't gay, you'd have adequate reason not to get back with him. :/ You don't have to out yourself to him, certainly not right away, at least. But it does sound like you'll have to do it soon, before things potentially escalate. I haven't seen your other threads on the matter, but do you have joint custody? Or does he have full custody? Is there the potential of that changing? I only ask because it's hard not to factor in the impact it will have on your daughter as well if he takes it poorly.
Hey I am sorry he is still persisting, I guess in the past he has always been able to wear you down and so in that way his brain is not giving up hope of being able to do that again. I can see in some ways telling him you are gay might make him stop, if you want to do this then go for it however I would only do it if you feel comfortable doing it and as you say it probably means coming out to your family and so it is all down to whether it is something you feel ready to do.
Well lost... I think that you do have to consider if it is time to tell him. I know that it can be difficult though because I met a few others who like me, had a spouse/partner who didn’t want to let go no matter what. If I remember correctly, he really didn’t seem to care that your relationship wasn’t great, without even knowing that you are gay. Not to say he doesn’t have genuine feelings for you, but he may just see you, him, and the child as comfortable and acceptable. Many partners have trouble seeing how damaging the situation is to them..they can’t see past the mental image they have built of the relationship. Good luck and remember.... do whatever you feel SAFE doing.
We share custody and I have primary residence, so our daughter’s main home is with me. I don’t think that would change, but I suppose there’s nothing to say he wouldn’t try it.
You don't want to be in a relationship with him: this is your truth and you have never given him any reason to believe that you want to get back together. I think if you are worried that he will take retribution if you reveal that you are gay, then it is worth considering remaining silent on the matter. Your well-being and your daughter's is paramount.
