A girl likes me???!

ok I’m about to dump some info cause it’s been a long night. So I’m pretty sure I’m bi. Like pretty pretty sure and also leaning torwards girls. I happen to be in a gap year program living abroad with a bunch of girls. Basically there’s this one girl who’s really touchy feely with everyone and I know she’s pan. Today another girl was drunk and told me that I’m “pretty but she doesn’t like me like that but she knows someone who does”. That person being this girl. And I just don’t know. Also about a week ago me and this girl were talking about stuff when she was kind of drunk and then she stopped talking and told me she was too sober to tell me. So I don’t know what that was.

I was going to grill the drunk girl and get some details but then she goes “would you kiss her? Are you straight?” And then she goes “no you’re not you hesitated” so I had to just walk away Bc I was with friends from high school and they cannot know. I was a little bit freaking out on the way home and my friend was like “just because a girl likes you doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. We’ll find you a man.” Like that’s not the issue here but there’s nothing I can say.

Basically I’m not really sure if she actually likes me. And ik she’s kissed other girls in my program.
Also I’m not out to anyone. I’ve never talked about it with anyone even though I think a few girls in my program assume I’m not totally straight.

Ahhh Idk. I think I’m just looking for advice on how to handle my feelings. This is the first time in all of my 18 years that anyone’s really kind of maybe liked me and I don’t know what to do about it

 

Thanks @resu and @silverhalo for the answers. I ended up talking to the girl who let it slip. Well call her S and the girl who likes me Y. S said that she made a joke about how I was on her “kiss list” and Y said that I can’t be on her list bc she wants to kiss me bc she likes me... but s can’t remember if y said this while she was drunk or not. So I don’t even know if she really means it.

@silverhalo I wish it was so easy to forget about other people. But I’m in a community where not being straight isn’t ok. And it isn’t so simple. When I think about having a relationship with a girl in the future, it means I’m giving up friendships, family, and community. So that adds to my confusion as well.

@resu I really don’t know what I want to happen. Ive never kissed anyone before idk what to do. The truth is that if she tried something I don’t know that I would stop her.

 

Quick update: This girl told two people that she likes me and those same two people I have no since come out to. It surprisingly wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be. I didn’t cry just had a mini freak out inside. So now they know. And it’s a little funny because they also know that I don’t know how I feel about her so every time they see her cuddling up to me or hanging onto me we have like a little smirk off. So yeah. People know I’m not totally straight so that’s fun.

In regards to the crush situation, I’m pretty sure she won’t act on it. The only thing she had me do was kiss her on the cheek but I don’t know how I feel about her so I don’t even know if I want her to act on it.

 

Alright so she told my best friend that she likes me. Of course, my friend already knows about the situation cause I’ve been freaking out to her very time something happens. But yeah, based on the convo she wanted this other mutual friend to try and find out my sexuality or something for her and she doesn’t know that I’m not straight. I think she’s pretty sure I’m not 100% straight but she doesn’t know that I’m actually comfortable with being bi. But she basically told my friend that she likes being friends with me and if something happens it happens but she won’t do anything because she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship. But the thing is...I think I want her to try something??? It’s driving me crazy because I know that she has a crush on me but she doesn’t know that I know and we’re kind of each discussing it with out mutual friends but she doesn’t know anything about me or my feelings, partly because I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Having someone like me and actually maybe having a chance has never happned to me before so I’m just like ???™️ What to do? But I can’t be like hey I know you like me. I don’t want to make things awkward. Which is also why she doesn’t want to do anything either. But there have been numberous times when I think she’s going to lean in and kiss me or something and she doesn’t and I’m almost disappointed? Ugh I just needed to vent.

 

I could let one of my friends know and have them kind of subtly pass it on to her but I feel it won’t make a difference. We basically flirt/banter all of the time. One of my friends actually told me that she knew this girl liked me before this girl even told her because we’re so flirty and touchy. But I don’t think I can make the first move. She’s way more experienced than I am. I haven’t ever kissed anyone or even been in this kind of situation before. I’m totally lost when it comes to this sort of territory, but I’m not sure how to get her to make the first move and I don’t even know if she wants to.

 

Holy shit.
Ok so about a week ago she finally told me that she liked me. And she kept it super low pressure and told me I could just walk out and not say anything. We were going to continue the discussion but someone walked in then. She basically said she liked me but still wants to be friends and kinda wants to see where my minds at I guess. So a week passed without us saying anything just keeping our relationship the same as always. And then last night I walked her back to her apartment and I knew I had to bring it up because it wasn’t fair for me to be holding out on her. Not that she was pressuring me but I felt like I neeeded to say something. So I told her that I’m not really sure how I feel and that I’m confused as to how I feel about her. She said they was totally fine and she asked if I had any questions and we talked about like when she first started to like me and how this all started. She also asked me when I started being confused. At the end she said she has one more question but then she didn’t want to say. But I said you can’t just leave me in suspense. So she asked if she could kiss me. And I was freaking out internally even though I could kind of see this coming, but this would be my first kiss and she’s experienced and I’m not. She could tell I was a little bit freaking out so she was quickly was just like never mind forget it. But I was just like ahhhh and I ended up hugging her and kissing her on the cheek. Anyway things are moving.

 

SHE KISSED ME! Oh my god she kissed me last night. I had walked her back to her apartment and we were talking outside for over an hour and I knew it was coming because she was half hugging me and leaning her head on my shoulder the entire time. And she kept brushing her nose against my cheek and nose and I was like ok it’s going to happen. She had also gone out before and drank a little and when she gets tipsy/buzzed she’s always a lot more affectionate. But then I was still shocked. The first time it was like just a simpleish kiss and I was so surprised. I pulled back and I said “oh you did that” and she said “you did it back though” and then SHE KISSED ME ANOTHER TWO TIMES. And not just like a simple peck. And then she would’ve continued kissing me but I pulled back and said “I’m not emotionally equipped to handle this right now” and she was like that’s totally ok and then we parted ways. This was my first kiss. And I was totally out of it. Like she was holding one of my hands and my other hand was holding her stuff and then it happened and I was just like oh. So for all I know I’m a terrible kisser but yeah I was just so shocked. We’re going to have to have a talk about this right?Unless we’re just going to be “friends” who kiss each other but I don’t think she wants that.

 

Oof. Ok I may have messed up. This relationship has been a rollercoaster for me and may have ended. Its life span was less than a week. Here’s what happened. We talked about the kiss last Saturday night and we acknowledged that we both like each other and we were going to chill and see what happens. And then on Sunday we kissed again and she said that she knows we didn’t put a label on us but asked if we could call us a thing for her sanity. So I in my naive little mind said sure not realized that she meant dating. Which I figured out when the next day we were joking around and she told me I was nicer before we started dating and then I was like oh shit. I’ve been overthinking for a while and now it’s like AHHHHH. This was very quick.
A big issue I have is that first of all I’m religious. She is too. And I’m still trying to reconcile “acting” on non straight stuff with being religious. I just came out to a few friends that I met this year, majority of whom are also religious and lgbt. For me, I believe that you can be religious and lgbt. That one has nothing to do with the other. But I feel like now that it comes down to it I’m terrified.
The thing is, I’m in this religious gap year program. It’s not ok to act on being lgbt according to my religion. However in my program, there’s a good percentage of kids who are lgbt and who get it. This is the first time I’ve ever met people who were lgbt. And religious! So my program ends in four months. When I go home, I’m back to being completely straight. Also, these friends are the only people who know. And I just met them in September. Friends I’ve had since before high school don’t even know I’m not straight. And that’s also scary. All of this is happening and they don’t have a clue. If you would’ve asked me before this year if I cared about god when it comes to my personal life, I would’ve said yeah but not really. I didn’t have a connection to god. But now I do. And it’s really confusing.
I’m also extremely emotionally closed off. And it can lead to me hurting people. Not on purpose but it just happens. And then I feel like shit. And I’m so so terrified of hurting her or being hurt myself.
So combine all of these reasons: religious and still figuring it out, moving kind of quickly especially for someone who just came out a few months ago, and the fact that this ends in four months anyway led to tonight.
I walked her back to her apartment at like 1 am and she was going to kiss me but I said we had to talk. I told her I wasn’t sure if I could do this and I explained all of my reasons to her. She told me she respects my decision if it is it break up and we’ll still be friends, but she disagrees with me and she brought up some good points.
She told me that it’s better to face your emotions than to run and hide which is kind of what I’m doing and even though this mos likely ends in like 4 months she still thinks we should pursue it because hey we both like each other why not. (Btw it started raining when we started the conversation and it felt very apropos).
In the end we kind of put the conversation on hold because we were standing outside and getting soaking wet. So I need to think a bit. Anyone have any advice? I’m kind of sad right now. Sorry for the length but it’s 2:30 am and I’m tired and sad and don’t know what to do