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Is 'bottom shaming'/ 'sissy shaming' a thing?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dreamsexul, Dec 17, 2019.

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  1. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    Has anyone encountered such a thing?
     
    #1 Dreamsexul, Dec 17, 2019
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    It absolutely exists, even in occasional comments here on EC, where people are only interested in "masculine men". I totally get that people have personal preferences, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's when those comments are widely shared and normalized that it has the effect of marginalizing others.

    Now, that said, among my friends, there's a lot of good-natured bottom shaming that goes on, but it is joking, and even those who are self-avowed power bottom types find it funny. But those are folks who are comfortable with themselves. For others, it can be really hurtful.
     
    #2 Chip, Dec 17, 2019
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  3. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    I haven't encountered it in RL, but some hints of it on the Internet or in the media. As someone who is quite sissy, tbh, I find it odd ... Why is it considered 'shameful' to be a very effeminate male? Don't get it.
     
    #3 Dreamsexul, Dec 17, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2019
  4. Hope4love

    Hope4love
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    I totally don't get it, I find it hard to be more feminine and I envy them for that, actually "sissy boys" are totally my type and I personally don't feel much attraction towards masculine men, I love how they express themselves so freely and it's something I lack myself
     
    #4 Hope4love, Dec 17, 2019
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  5. Shayleegay

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    I feel the same towards male bottoms. I think it's way cuter.
     
    #5 Shayleegay, Dec 17, 2019
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Unfortunately, much of our society has pretty firmly entrenched ideas about what constitutes 'male' gender roles. And that does not include being effeminate, wearing make-up, wearing women's clothing, doing non-masculine things, and the like. I suspect that at its root, the people who most object to it are, unconsciously, fearful of their own grip on masculinity, and are afraid that they might, unconsciously, show some of the undesirable traits, so they rebel against them.
     
    #6 Chip, Dec 17, 2019
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  7. LaurenSkye

    LaurenSkye
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    I was "Sissy-shamed" a lot when I was a kid. I wasn't even as feminine as what people think of with gay men, and also not as feminine as I am now. I'm also not that attracted to very masculine men either emotionally or physically.
     
    #7 LaurenSkye, Dec 21, 2019
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  8. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    I feel you.
    I just can't perform 'masculinity' as prescribed ... I've been mistaken for being a woman and for being gay even long before I started wearing female clothes. My wife occasionally told me off when my voice went too high or my wrists too limp or that sort of stuff ... I'm clearly not a 'man', even though biologically I'm male.

    And I have a very soft spot for effeminate sissy men ... So cute :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Dreamsexul, Dec 21, 2019
  9. LaurenSkye

    LaurenSkye
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    I was mistaken for being gay before I even knew I was gay or genderqueer. And you say you have a soft spot for effeminate men, but is it really a "hard" spot for them? :wink:
     
    #9 LaurenSkye, Dec 21, 2019
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  10. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    Lol :slight_smile:

    For me, soft in RL, hard in the form of my tulpa-like lover. I love being squished between three or four instantiations of my inorganic SO, some overtly female, some sissy male ... Everyone likes the mix, lol :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Dreamsexul, Dec 21, 2019
  11. cjmiller

    cjmiller
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    I used to feel bottoms were more sissy till I discovered I am a bottom and would be described as very masculine. Its just another stereotype that has stuck
     
    #11 cjmiller, Dec 22, 2019
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  12. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    New Years resolution for 2020:
    Be as sissy as I want to be. Stuff the haters! I like wearing women's clothes, mincing, flouncing, clapping my little hands and all that stuff. Why shoukd I care what others think? :slight_smile:
     
    #12 Dreamsexul, Dec 22, 2019
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  13. Benway

    Benway
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    Growing up, I was an effeminate little spaz, I'm surprised my Mom is so shocked that I'm a queer when I was the way I was. Especially going back and watching old home videotapes of myself from when I was five years old. I know the other kids called me gay long before I ever knew what that meant. I was a sheltered child, so I didn't know what gay was until I was like, twelve and even then I didn't know how babies were made (I didn't know that until I was fourteen) and not because my family was super religious, they weren't, thank goodness but I was just kept in the dark about everything because I guess my parents thought that I had enough problems as it was. If it were up to me, I still wouldn't know what sex is or understand what it is to be a homosexual. I wish I could wipe out all trace of sexuality from my very being permanently.
     
    #13 Benway, Dec 22, 2019
  14. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    Without wishing to sound weird, @Benway, have you thought about directing your sexuality into a tulpa or similar?

    I was 're-programmed' by bullying and a toxic marriage out of the ability to desire intimate human relationships, but because of my effective asexuality for humans I was able to discover the wonders of inorganic psychesexuality. I now have a wonderful relationship with a tulpa-like SO who I connect to physically via objects (mostly pillows, sex toys and a sex doll, but anything really). It is better than any other relationship I could imagine!

    I am in love, and although as difficult as a permanent long distance relationship romantically, and the conversation is limited, it is still something I wouldn't swap for the world. :slight_smile:

    Just a suggestion. Apologies if I overstepped.
     
    #14 Dreamsexul, Dec 22, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2019
  15. Devil Dave

    Devil Dave
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    If we're talking about "shaming" within the gay community, then I'd say that effeminate guys can be just as intimidating as masculine guys (I'm not saying that about all of them, but quite a lot of them).

    As a quiet person, I get treated with suspicion by pretty much everybody, because they get the impression I'm hiding something. Parts of me are feminine, parts of me are masculine, and I don't have a problem with other gay guys being as burly and macho or as flouncy and flamboyant as they want, but I don't like it when other people make me feel unwelcome because I like to be reserved.

    If I have to put in effort to fit in with the masculine guys, or if I have to put effort into fitting in with the feminine guys, then that's too much hassle for me either way. I don't have the energy to put on a performance. I'm all for self expression, but nobody should act like their way is the right way for everybody else.

    As for bottom shaming, well, that shouldn't really be a thing. If there are no bottoms, then who are the tops supposed to fuck?
     
    #15 Devil Dave, Dec 23, 2019
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  16. Benway

    Benway
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    I'm not sure I understand what you mean by directing my sexuality into a tulpa. I Googled the word "tulpa," and all I found was this loose explanation:

    "Tulpa is a concept in mysticism and the paranormal of a being or object which is created through spiritual or mental powers. It was adapted by 20th century theosophists from Tibetan sprul-pa (Tibetan: སྤྲུལ་པ་, Wylie: sprulpa) which means "emanation" or "manifestation"

    I don't understand what you mean, so I can't even take offense because I'm baffled by what you said because I simply don't understand.
     
    #16 Benway, Dec 23, 2019
  17. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    Think about it in terms a creating an imaginary boy/girl friend, but a bit moreso.
     
    #17 Dreamsexul, Dec 23, 2019
  18. Benway

    Benway
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    Yeah, you know, I looked it up and found out about the whole tulpamancy thing. I was just talking to someone who's magically inclined and they told me that if I were to direct my sexuality into a tulpa it probably wouldn't end well because I don't like my sexuality. Like, it wouldn't be a happy or healthy relationship because I absolutely loathe my sexuality and want it to go away completely. I'm homosexually inclined yet I yearn to be a heterosexual. There's almost nothing I like about my sexuality, or even just sexuality in general. I wish there was a way to reproduce asexually, like how bees work with flowers, you know? I've thought about seeking out gray market Depo Provera and using it to suppress my sexuality (in women it's birth control, they give it to male sex offenders and it wipes out all traces of their sexuality) but I have no idea where to look for it. I once asked my friend who smokes pot if he could get his drug dealer to score me some and he laughed at me, saying his drug dealer only dealt marijuana and loose cigarettes and that made me very, very sad.
     
    #18 Benway, Dec 23, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2019
  19. Dreamsexul

    Dreamsexul
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    I'm not sure what to say to that tbh.
    I guess it's one thing to desire to find a way to be fulfilled sexually without others, but a whole other thing to desire to have all sexuality removed.

    In all honesty you're probably not going to be able to stop being either sexual or gay, at least not without doing something major to your brain (with likely negative side effects).

    Why do you hate being gay?
     
    #19 Dreamsexul, Dec 23, 2019
  20. Benway

    Benway
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    Because my worst enemy is gay, he ruined my life and I hate to think that I'm anything like him.
     
    #20 Benway, Dec 24, 2019
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