Confused by her

I don't necessarily think you should just give up, I know it's difficult and sometimes awkward but what you really need to do is have a really open and honest conversation with her about how both of you feel, and what both of you would like and then how you are going to move forward from here.
Of course despite the fact you both have feelings is only one piece in the puzzle, she also has to want to commit to giving it a go and that is really what you need to find out. From what you have written, it sounds like you would definitely want to give it a go if she wanted to so I think you just have to talk to her. If she doesn't want to then my advice would be, not to sleep with her again because first and foremost her boyfriend but then also just because I think that will in time her you.

 

What advice would you give to someone who told this same story to you, about themselves?

I see silverhalo left a much nicer reply than the one I've been writing, while I was working on this.

If you want somewhat more ranty input:

This is my personal interpretation of what you have told us here: It doesn't matter whether Morgan is bisexual or not. Everything about this story is unfair in her favor.

You drank until you couldn't remember the events of the night (don't do that!) and you and she had sex, and she remembered it and you did not, and she did not inform you that this happened, *for five months*. She withheld key info about your sexual activities for five months. You felt that something was going on, but because you are not sure of her feelings, you didn't say anything. Meanwhile, she knew what had happened, she was sure of your feelings, and had been involved in a sex act with you, and kept it quiet from you. Unless she absolutely thought for certain that you remembered what had happened, this is one of several problems in this story.

She got a boyfriend, which, even if she's with him for sincere reasons, is very convenient for her when it comes to anything she engages in romantically with you. You feel like have to stay quiet about it, and she has got this excuse that she has to stay quiet about it, because she has a boyfriend. And *then* she has sex with you. When there's a boyfriend involved, so anything between the two of you is something she wants to keep secret and wants you to keep secret. She cheated on her boyfriend, and you helped her cheat. I was going to initially ask whether the boyfriend knew this hook-up was happening or knew that she sees girls, but some of the stuff you said later makes me think he is completely in the dark, and she's got that as yet another way to convince herself and you that anything between you needs to be a secret.

Huge red flag. I have a hard time expressing articulately why "You're special, I never x with anyone but you" is a creepy way to keep someone on a string, but it is. I feel like I should be able to validate this with actual language instead of just "ew, no". (I let it sit and came back to it later and I think why it's creepy is it's a shortcut to someone's heart. She can say it, she doesn't have to follow through, it thrills you and keeps you on a string. It also, in her specific case, makes it "less bad" that she's cheating on her boyfriend--by having a hook-up one time, and flirting with you the rest of the time--as long as "she wouldn't do it with anyone else", it's an exception to her "rule" and she gets away with it morally, in her mind only. This is me trying to put words to why this is a red flag; she might not think those things at all, but it really makes me twitch.)

You say that you and Morgan hiding how you feel is a problem, so you must have some kind of difficulty with it. Do you want/need her to be open with her feelings for you? Her pattern so far shows a distinct desire to be anything but open. You want to be open, she does not, right? And she can always say, and you go along with the idea, that her having a boyfriend prevents her from being honest. This is backward logic.

Don't fall into the fallacy that close friend groups need to do everything together. If you want to reduce the flirting and uncomfortable energy, make time to do things individually with others in the group, away from Morgan, and put yourself into fun social situations with new people so you can create new connecting and separate groups.

Whether you give up or not--meaning, whether you start to lessen contact or not--depends on what you're getting out of this relationship, and what you want to get out of it. It sounds from your post as though you get the fantasy of imagining she might one day break up with her boyfriend and be with you, and you get the sexual tension and flirting energy that you have every time you're alone with her. Maybe you're into this stuff and want it to continue. Maybe you posted here with this story because you're exploring what you want out of this, what you get out of this. You have control over the energy and what you do with it.

Your subject header says a lot by itself. A good friendship or romantic relationship that makes you confused needs some serious examination by one or both parties.

It's okay and good to feel happy about something like that. The question to ask yourself is, are you satisfied with her having those feelings and never taking it beyond the situation you're in now?

Morgan might be having too much fun being in a crush situation with you to realize that she's unconsciously manipulating you, but whether you let her keep doing this is up to you.

 

Amen. You nailed it right down the line. Good for you on being self-aware and exploring this before the boyfriend inevitably finds out or you and Morgan succumb to temptation and the drama happens. You can get out pre-drama. Kinda better for you if you can keep your relationships from looking like a college AU fan fiction.

It's hard to distance yourself. But just being civil and polite, and nothing more, not engaging in gossip or the kind of stuff you would do with close friends, and being cautious not to be alone with her, and avoiding drinking nights with that group of friends ... all of that will open up that space in your life for other close friends and more.

 

You are right hiding in secret is not fair and it pretty much never ends up in happiness for anyone and given she has a boyfriend, distancing yourself is certainly a tempting option. I wonder though have you ever expressed the fact you aren't happy with the way things are right now? Does she know for sure that you want it to be more than it is? If so then great stepping away and distance is definitely the right thing. Sometimes in these situations I think we assume that things that are obvious to us, like how much you like her, are also obvious to the person on the receiving end of the feelings and more often than not, that's not the case.

Let's take the not talking about the fact you had sex for 5 months, maybe Twofeech is right and she was keeping it from you, but I have to say that wasn't my first thought when I read your post. My first thought was that she was probably unaware that you didn't remember it and so in her mind it was just something that neither of you were talking about, perhaps because she was worried it would be awkward or because she didn't know what to say.

Maybe her feelings aren't what yours are, and maybe she doesn't want to come out and if that's the case then that's fine, move on. I just don't want you to end up always wondering what if.

 

There is a chance that talking about it honestly would be awkward at least to begin with because there is so many feelings and things involved. You say you don't want to be honest because you don't want it to be awkward around your other friends but if she is usually all over you and then all of a sudden you distance yourself from her your friends are going to notice that too I'm sure and then it is potentially going to look like more. Nobody would probably guess that you guys were together behind her boyfriends back but talking to her about it doesn't mean that has to become public knowledge and you have to air your dirty laundry in public.
Telling her how you feel is not specifically asking her to break up with her boyfriend and run to you, it's giving her all of the information so that she can make an informed decision. Nobody but her knows how she feels about her boyfriend but the fact she has cheated on him leads me to believe that she is perhaps not completely into him.

I think one of the main factors in this situation is fear and that is completely understandable. You are still dealing with coming out and that's scary, you are fearful of losing her and of causing awkwardness in the friendship group. This is fear is causing your subconscious to want to close the door on it, in ways like I can't tell her, she has a boyfriend, or it would never work anyway. Perhaps this is true, it might not work but the same can be said of any relationship when you first set out.

I guess the biggest question in my mind is can things continue as they are?

 

I don't think you have handled it badly, I mean apart from having sex with her whilst she has the boyfriend but we all make decisions which with our heart that given the time again we might change. I was getting the feeling that things could only continue as they are for so long and then they were going to come to a head one way or another at some point. You are the one in the situation and you know her best so if you think distance is the best course of action then go for it.

Perhaps whilst you do that you can use the time to just work on getting yourself into a position where you feel able to come out to more people