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Eeerrrm so... i have feelings for a girl i know i can't have

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tigermud, Jun 3, 2019.

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  1. Tigermud

    Tigermud
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    Long story.

    I was speaking to a girl online and she lives far far away. As in our relationship would never happen.

    We both agreed that it wouldnt work and we stopped talking.

    I felt like it will be fine. For the one reason being we've never met in person.

    But my anxiety is building up and i think i would never find another one like her and i really really hope to.

    I believe shes perfect because she was like seeing light through a dark tunnel i call life. Plus having problems with a bad girl in the past, this girl gave me positive relief..
     
    #1 Tigermud, Jun 3, 2019
  2. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    I won't tell you what to do, but here's some food for thought.

    It's good that you chatted with someone nice. Especially when we had problems with previous relationships (Oh, and do I know about that...), it's great when we find someone that gives us hope about this world and the people in it. So, yes, that's nice!

    On the other hand, especially since you talked to her just through online means, you don't know her completely. That means you probably don't know about most of her flaws, her "bad" side. With this I don't mean she is a bad person - I don't know her, I can't affirm that. However, it's important to remember that no one is perfect, and, sometimes, when we only see the good side of someone, we tend to put that person in a pedestal, idealizing what a relationship would be like in an unrealistic way.

    What I mean with this is that there's no such thing as "the one". The world is full of people, each and every one of us with our own flaws and strenghts. There's no "ideal soul" that will fill up a hole in you, especially since you can't expect a relationship to be essential for your own well being - otherwise chances are that relationship won't be healthy. A relationship needs to be an exchange of ideas and experiences for both, not an essential cane without which you can't walk.

    Having said that, I understand the fear of not finding someone. As much as I rationally know that things aren't magical and being in a relationship isn't going to be an automatic ticket to happiness, I also feel the need of having someone. Still, it's important to remember that there are more interesting people out there. Closing your mind to focus just on one person, even though you know there's no possibility of a relationship with that person at the moment, may end up also closing your eyes to other interesting possibilities around you.

    What do you think?
     
    #2 Chiroptera, Jun 3, 2019
  3. Tigermud

    Tigermud
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    Thank you

    I deeply understand and ive been running the thoughts in my head over and over.

    My deal with her, i felt like she was very mature, smart and wise. And i would love to gain trust and love with a girl like that.

    I do agree with you. I know there are "plenty of fish" but my trouble and weakness is i dont crush on every girl i encounter. Like when i like a girl I feel stricken and it happens when i dont expect it.

    Hopefully third time lucky i will get struck again with a girl with good qualities.

    Thank you very much
     
    #3 Tigermud, Jun 3, 2019
  4. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    In my point of view, if you did crush on every girl you encountered, then that would be a problem, possibly related to verly low "relationship requirements" and/or self-image issues.

    Finding an interesting enough person for a relationship isn't something that happens everyday, sure. But, even considering that, there is plenty of fish in the sea, even if it takes a bit of time to find the more interesting ones. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Chiroptera, Jun 3, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2019
  5. Tigermud

    Tigermud
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    Thanks a lot :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Tigermud, Jun 4, 2019
  6. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    No problem!
     
    #6 Chiroptera, Jun 4, 2019
  7. LaurenSkye

    LaurenSkye
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    As far as your relationship with this particular girl, maybe if you enjoy talking to each other, but couldn't be in a romantic relationship, you could have still been friends, sort of pen pals.
     
    #7 LaurenSkye, Jun 5, 2019
  8. Tigermud

    Tigermud
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    I wish that was easy. At heart we are friends and im very glad i met her and she knows cause i told her. But to stay healthy i think im better of cracking on with my responsibilities. Plus she's got her own life to continue with. It's just how it is.

    Thank you.
     
    #8 Tigermud, Jun 5, 2019
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