For more info, check out my most recent support in general support and advice. I just had a huge arguement with mom mom because I was caught kissing my boyfriend by my grandfather. She told me she doesn't want me around this weekend if I'm going to be inapropriate with him in front of family. When I asked her where she expects me to go, she at least said I should go to my boyfriend's house. So at least she agknowledges his existance now... I'm really scared about this guys, what the hell has to happen before I can show affection to my bf in my own house!? @Chip , if you see either post, please respond, you've been a great help, and I really need it now more than ever..
Peace United Church in Rochester has a LGBT Resource Page. It is a LGBT accepting church and the pastor may be able to help. I am sorry you are having to go through all this. Is your BF's house a safe place? If so then I would camp out there for the weekend end at least. I understand that you have had shit luck with a therapist. The guys name that Chip has is gay and specializes in LGBT issues. He is younger and super cool. I am sure he would have some additional resources for you. Dean
Yes, I stay at my boyfriend's place all the time. More time than I spend at home, really. It just seems different now that I don't have the option to go home. I feel so alone, it seems the only people who care about me are my boyfriend and his mom, and that's it. It's not fair. My mom was nice to me before I told her I like men. We used to be so close.. now she kicked me out?
I suspect (but can't be sure) that she's not actually saying "you're kicked out and don't have a place to stay"; what I'm hearing from her is (in so many words), "I'm embarrassed in front of my father that I have a gay son, so you need to disappear while my father is here". Not that such a statement is any less devaluing and offensive to you; if you remember the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance)... well, she was in denial before; this event basically forced her out of denial, so now what you're seeing is the anger response. None of this makes it right or appropriate. However, from what you've said, it sounds like she's very controlling... and when controlling people feel out of control (i.e, doesn't want you to be gay; doesn't want to have drama with her father; doesn't know how to handle any of this) they get angry. So my guess is that once your grandfather goes home, she will want to talk with you. This doesn't mean she'll welcome you with open arms yet, but the fact she acknowledges you have a BF, and is suggesting you stay with said BF is actually a step in the right direction. I see it as her actually moving away from denial, which is a positive. And I seriously doubt that she would want to be excluded from your life (which would certainly be the likely outcome if she throws you out.) As hard as it is, I would suggest that you do your best to just enjoy your weekend at your BF's house (assuming it's fine for you to stay there), and wait and see how things unfold. Your mom is not going to want you out of her life; right now she's just trying desperately to gain some control where she feels like she has none, and telling you to go away for the weekend is her way of asserting control. But once she thinks about it... she'll almost certainly realize that she was being rash and acting out of anger/fear in the moment.
The main thing is that you are safe. I will see Dr. D Tuesday afternoon and I will ask him if he knows of additional resources and if he does I will send them to Chip so he can PM them to you. It sounds like there will have to be a lot of healing between you and your mom in the future. I am sure she is going through the stages of grief. Take care, be safe, and don't do anything stupid. Life has a funny way of working out. It took me a long time to accept myself. Dean
Hello Kevin I think your mum and your family will come around in time and be more accepting and understanding. I'm really happy you have found love with your BF. I'm not being harsh or trying to stir anything here. But it is your mum's house and I suppose you have to abide by the rules. Can you not kiss him in your bedroom? Where you have privacy and then everyone is happy. Warm regards...
She never said explicitly NOT to kiss in my bedroom, I do it (among other things) all the time with my bf in my room. I guess cause the door was open and my grandpa saw it? I find it really oppressive that I can't show affection when I think I'm in private. What does she think happens when he spends the night in MY bed?
Kevin, I would do anything I could to help you. I just don’t know what to do or say other than to keep your hopes up. You have a boyfriend that loves you and his mom too. Maybe your mom is not so much worried about the fact that you like guys and have a boyfriend as she is the fact that it might make HER look bad or feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it’s not so much about you in her mind and all about her and how it affects her and family and friends perception of her. Sadly some people are just like that. Just remember to come on here and talk to is and know you aren’t alone even though we aren’t physically there with you.
