Can you realize you’re straight?

I mean, if someone can go their whole life thinking they're straight to only realize that they're gay, who's to say it can't happen the other way around, but yes, denial can be a huge factor, but as long as the person is genuinely happy, who are we to judge?

 

Life is confusing. If you grow up different, you will always be seen as different, and that installs anxiety into the brain of a developing kid. Johnny wears pink, oh he must be gay, Johnny grows up questioning who he is, because he's never been allowed to express himself because of society, now Johnny's all fucked up in the head till one day some chick makes him wanna take a bullet to see her smile, Same goes for someone who might be seen as straight even though they turn out to have been gay the whole time, my point being, why does it matter.

 

is it the same though? No. But it is possible? Yes.

 

Yep. Hard to figure, but yeah.

I have a guy I used to be friends with who literally his entire teenage years he hooked up with older guys, but also dated girls. He joined the military and hadn't hooked up with anyone for awhile and once he tried hooking up with a guy again he realized he wasn't into it anymore. So, he declared himself straight despite his past of hooking up with guys.

 

Really? While I was in denial for years, I knew in the deep recesses of my heart that I was gay. If you really do some soul searching how can you not discover the unvarnished truth about yourself? Thus I am somewhat reluctant to accept the notion that someone could go for years questioning their sexual orientation, only to suddenly realize that they straight all along. I can see how people who are bisexual must struggle coming to terms with their orientation, given the fact that they are torn, being attracted to both sexes.

 

I don't know how something like that might happen, it seems odd to me. However, it's something that used to trouble me too. What if I openly declare myself gay, and find myself attracted to a man someday? Well, that would make me bisexual you say, but for the heteronormative society it would mean I finally 'came to my senses' and would appear like I were straight, while it would probably break any lgbt friendships, since I could be seen as unrelaiable or some kind of traitor. I've read such stories. It doesn't help that my mind likes to worry about the future either.

But yeah, as a whole I find such a possibility slim. Not impossible, but rare. In any case, I would consider such a person bisexual, maybe not 'fluid' if he sticks with dating one gender, but bisexual nonetheless. Anyway, it's not my place to label other people's experiences.

 

Exactly. I really hate conversations like this where people are being invalidated for their experiences. To the OP, So what? None of this matters at all. It’s not our place to question or judge another person. Maybe I’m being sensitive, but I know this is actually the reaction people would have against me if I came out so yeah it bothers me a hell of a lot. And I think it’s very disrespectful to say you believe in sexual fluidity and then follow that up with you don’t think something like this is possible. You’re contradicting yourself. You can’t be accepting that other people are not 100% one way or the other and that their experience does not match yours perfectly, and then say you don’t believe them. I think you’re being very judgmental.

 

And for the record, no I don’t think these people are 100% straight, but then I don’t believe anyone is. But if they’re mostly straight then so what? I mean, none of this actually matters.

 

Stories like that confuse the heck out of me too.

Maybe those people mistook some other emotion as an attraction. Or the attraction was there, but just not enough to have significant meaning for them.

 

So, in your mind, all of the people who say this are just secretly denying that they're gay? I think that's a bit of an arrogant way to look at it. Personally, I'm bisexual, I know I'm bisexual; I doubt there will ever be a point in life when that will change i.e. becoming 100% straight or becoming 100% gay. If it does, that's fine, but I doubt it. Is it possible, though? Sure. I don't think you get to tell other people how they feel about their sexuality.

I do think some people can go through phases in their sexuality. Sexuality is fluid and doesn't always have to be at the same point along the scale. I do think some people can sometimes get wrapped up in the idea of, "Why did I think about my friend in a sexual way one time? Am I gay?" and I think these thoughts can confuse people and get them sort of twisted up about it, instead of just accepting that maybe they're straight and had a sexual thought about a same-sex friend once.

Sometimes this can spiral people out of control to where they sort of obsess over whether or not they're gay. In reality, sexual thoughts about the same sex can occur even in straight people.

OR, maybe it's just hormonal and some people experiment and then decide it's not for them. It's strange for me to hear someone denying this as if there's some kind of conspiracy about straight people lying about being gay. I mean, obviously there's tons of latent homosexuality out there but if someone openly admitted they experienced gay thoughts for an amount of time but that those thoughts disappeared, I don't see any reason to think they're lying.

 

I was afraid of this for a long time. Like others, I didn’t realize I was gay until I was 30. I was constantly worrying about whether I was making it all up in my mind. But I finally realized that my attraction to women and generally being gay is what makes me feel the happiest and most content. So I just decided to go with it. If I meet Mr. Right down the road, then so be it. I’m open to anything, but I still have zero desire to be with a man ever again.

 

Okay, that's all fine and dandy. But if you realize that sexuality is fluid and can be a moving target? Why is it so surprising that someone can, at one point, define as homo or bisexual, then at another point identify as hetero?

Doesn't seem like that huge of a puzzle to me. I certainly didn't experience homosexual thoughts until I was at least 17. Some people know they're gay when they're 4 years old.

None of this has to be set in stone. Everyone's different.

 

Okay; that's fine. Then it should also be puzzling to you, and you should also be asking yourself, how one can go from feeling entirely straight for half their life then feel entirely gay. Shouldn't it?

So, taking my question into consideration, how can someone be straight for half their life then feel entirely gay? Who knows. It can go either way and I don't think any of us have answers that would satisfy you; I'm no expert either.

 

Yeah I agree with the other posters. I don’t think there is any satisfactory answer for you to be found here. It happens, that’s really all there is to it. People change, people want different things, and yes, people also make choices. I just find this a bit strange that you are so confused by this, since I recall your experience that you’ve spoken about on here from what you’ve written as not being entirely clear either from the very beginning. It’s not like you knew you were gay from birth either. Trying to find an answer for human sexuality is like trying to solve the riddle of the Sphinx. It’s not going to happen.