up until last month i had never kissed a girl and the guys i had kissed was always a one night thing and didnt want anything else (i am a gay woman). i met this girl on holiday and we kissed and it was good. she came to my city and she was super respectful with me not wanting to have sex so we just slept together and it was super sweat when it was kissing and spooning but as soon as it got sexual i got quite unconfortable and as if a part of me wanted to do something more but another was super scared of the unknown. she now wants me to visit her city and although i want to go i am scared she will expect more from me. i know she is wouldnt pressure me but i feel like i am put loads of pressure on myself...i dont know what to do if i should bring up the topic of going, discussing what she expects or just going with the flow and stop overthinking...i guess the last option would be the most reasonable but the most difficult to put in practice!
It’s incredibly difficult to put into practice! However the respect that she showed for you previously indicates that she’s patient and caring. She sounds to me like you aren’t going to scare her off with being honest. I’d talk to her and explain your fears ahead of the visit. If (as I suspect) she is understanding then it takes off a lot of the pressure you’ve been putting on yourself. Without that pressure it’s much easier to move forward.
thanks for your advice! i do feel very confortable talking to her about stuff i havnt talked about with anyone which feel strange because i dont know her much but i do feel that its easier for me to feel confortable with people ive met recently coz it feels like a fresh start....ill talk to her about this and see how it goess!!!
I suggest all of the above. That is, explain all (as much as you can) about what's going on. Then, say "after all that are you OK with playing it by ear?" Good luck!
Yep, talk stuff through. That is the trick. Trying to not overthink stuff is impossible. Some of us are just more anxiety prone than others, but secrecy and pretending makes the anxiety far worse. Being honest, straightforward and vulnerable are the only way to not let your fear and anxiety stop you from the things you want to do This might sound weird, but hear me out. In this example, as soon as you feel uncomfortable, talk about it. Stop the sexy part, but then talk about it all. "Ah! I'm sorry, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about this. Not sure why and it makes no sense, but it might be too fast for me. The problem is that I WANT to do more, but I'm just scared" Yes, say it all out loud. Process the moment with her. If she cares about you she will try to comfort you and see how she can help. This is where the real work can happen. You guys can come up with ways on how to get there without making you feel uncomfortable and figuring out what to do once you do feel uncomfortable. Granted, takes a lot of courage to speak all of it, but its the only way through.
smurf thanks for this...ive actually being super open with her specially because im not someone that is normally open at all so it does make sense that i talk it through as and when... normally i would feel scared to talk but with her i feel super confortable because she has been really cool with everything...thanks again and ill put your advice to practice
