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Do straight people turn gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. Hope4love

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    Do straight people who had sex with the same sex or gender become less attracted to opposite sex?
    I know the answer is no, but is there any evidence like a study or a research that proves or disproves that claim?
    and I'm wondering about the opposite too, do gay people who had sex with the opposite sex become less attracted to the same sex?
     
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  2. Crepy

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    Honestly, I don'think you can turn either gay or sthraight. If you have an attraction to one or both of the sexes it is more likely that it has always been there you just haven't noticed it yet.

    as for the less attraction part that's a thing I'm trying to figure out asswell. So I can't say much on that part yet.
     
  3. Biguy45

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    You can’t turn gay. I think your attractions can vary at times, and of course, it’s everyonrs choice what they want to do about it, but I don’t think sexuality changes
     
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  4. CuriousLad

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    Here's what I think. Everyone's born bi, with a varying ratio between homosexuality and heterosexuality. Even the 'straightest' people are so because they've been strictly and systematically socially conditioned to conform to the norm.
    Sexuality might be more fluid than we give it credit for. Studies do show male rape victims later having some homosexual tendencies. But the assault probably didn't create anything new, rather simply brought a minor and suppressed orientation to the surface.
    The same could happen after voluntary intercourse.
    But if we're to assume my theory's wrong, then no, completely straight people can never turn gay or bisexual.
     
    #4 CuriousLad, Jul 16, 2018
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  5. Love4Ever

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    I agree with this. I was one of those "straightest" seeming people. My quest to find my true sexuality was inspired exactly be reasoning like yours. I figured if I could be bi everyone could be. I was the poster child for straight at one point but the again I'd never really considered anything otherwise.
     
    #5 Love4Ever, Jul 16, 2018
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  6. tystnad

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    hey hope4love,
    you're asking for research that either validates or invalidates the claim whether straight people turn gay, but here's the problem with research: there's likely studies that prove every claim true if you just look hard enough. science, unfortunately, is not free from human bias, and there is no "universal truth" that we can find, definitely not as long as researchers are partly driven by their own assumptions about the way the world works. doing research on this is also tricky, because the answers can used for very malicious purposes (even if the research's intent was the opposite; for example, proving that sexuality is genetic can be used to argue against conversion therapy, but can also be used for eugenic purposes). for something that unfortunately is still considered controversial in large parts of the world, relying on science to validate it is not as easy as just coughing up a couple of researches and drawing a single conclusion from that: especially because until recently, virtually all research on homosexuality was designed with the very intent of invalidating experiences and/or declaring homosexuality a disease!

    as a result, you'll find more answers in philosophical and theoretical thought than exact science, and the thing about these fields is that it's very varied and lacking in the single truth you're looking for. it's up to you to navigate the world and discover what you believe in. @CuriousLad and @Love4Ever above agree that everyone is born bi in some extent, which is one approach; I personally disagree and do believe people can be born either entirely straight and gay, but my opinion isn't any more true or false than theirs, and you'll likely be able to find research supporting both if you were to look for it. what there is a pretty clear consensus on is whether or not you turn gay in the way you describe: no, you don't. in a scenario you describe above, the person is likely already experiencing some same sex attraction, but either repress or deny it, and only when they have experience the same sex they'll open up to the possibility and therefore feel like they're more attracted to them. the other way around, is having sex with the opposite sex made someone more straight, homosexuality wouldn't even exist anymore - throughout history and even today, so many gay/bi people have sex with people of the opposite sex for a variety of reasons and it doesn't magically make them straight. people may even purposely be having sex with the opposite sex precisely because they WANT to become straight (either from their own motivation, external motivation, or even as part of conversion therapy) and they generally find that doesn't actually work to reduce their same sex attractions.
     
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  7. Danabutton

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    From everything I heard, sexuality is on a fluid continuum....but I can empathize because I’m going through some fog of my own right now
     
  8. Nicholas7

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    I think everyone is bisexual and just changes at a certain time
     
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  9. Silveroot

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    Sorry, I think many gay people who got married to the opposite sex will disagree with you.

    I considered myself bisexual before my first relationship with a man.

    I've found that after that, I've almost lost any desire to date men. All I can think about is dating women now. Not to mention that even before I saw dating men as a chorus, something I am supposed to do.
     
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  10. Nicholas7

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    You were gay all along then. I am like 75% into men and 25% into women even though i have a girlfriend. How do i know I ain't gay because I love hugging her and being with her, gay men would hate that. The sex is alright but i only did it once. I once labelled myself as gay but it didn't feel right because the women side kept coming back. I am bisexual but I prefer men that is really it........
     
  11. OGS

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    No, straight people don't lose their attraction to the opposite sex after having gay sex. What does happen, though, quite frequently is that gay people who have had straight sex, even quite a lot of straight sex, who then open themselves up to being gay, whether that's through sex or romance or really just mentally opening themselves up to the possibility of either, very frequently do lose whatever they thought of as opposite sex attraction. I'm hoping it will become less frequent but the fact of the matter is that many, perhaps most, gay men of my generation have had some sort of sexual contact with a woman and most will say that at least at the time it felt good. Now, a lot of people on this board will say that means they're actually all bi. I think that's rubbish. Sexual orientation is about attraction and there's so many ways that sex can feel good that have nothing to do with attraction--especially when you haven't felt real attraction yet. First off, sex feels good. I would hope no one on here honestly thinks they're attracted to their own hand, yet most of us know it can make you feel pretty good. Plus there are all sorts of societal pressures to feel things. The fact of the matter is that feeling normal feels good. Feeling like you'll be able live the life that everyone expects for you feels good. Feeling like you're experiencing the life stages that everyone else is feels good. And none of that has anything to do with attraction--but given the right circumstances it can sure feel like it does. Until you encounter the real thing that is, and then all the stuff before often kind of evaporates. It happened to me. I was once pretty active with women--all it took was one kiss from the right guy (we never even had sex) and the change was immediate and positively electric. Haven't looked at a woman that way in 25 years...
     
  12. Nickw

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    OGS

    I don't disagree. But I do find it interesting that a straight person will be more often labeled as bisexual if they have dabbled in sex with the same gender than when a gay person has done the same with the opposite sex.

    Of course we don't hear the stories from the straight people that try out gay sex that often although my therapist told me it was not that uncommon.

    We do know that sexuality is a spectrum. Yet, most of us choose to live at one end of it or the other and never look back. So, something happens. I don't think it's biological but there may be something to the argument that the sex you have will push you to stay at the end of the spectrum that feels best...most of the time.
     
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  13. Love4Ever

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    I respectfully completely disagree. And I agree with NickW's post above mine. Why does it only work one way? Why does someone who has had sex with the opposite sex get to be called gay, while a straight person who has sex with the same sex can't be called straight anymore? Why the double standard? And pinning this whole idea on heteronormativity is just not a good enough reason. No one is denying heteronormativity exists, and it sucks that it does. I hate it too, but I think people overestimate the power it has. You can not know your capacity to have certain feelings, but it can't invalidate feelings you already experience. Plus, I think its interesting how these kinds of comments usually come from MEN who identify as gay. Why from men? I can't help but see this as another manifestation of the misogyny that sadly has infiltrated some circles of queer men. Declaring every experience someone had ever had with a woman as "not valid", despite the fact it was pleasurable, is nothing less than denoting is as somehow lesser, and by extension extends that to thinking women are "lesser". This is the same attitude that makes so many gay men reject women across the board, despite having sometimes even had relationships with women, and despite the fact that these same women, ironically, were often the most fervent champions of their rights to love who they want. Who are they to decide what is "legit" attraction or not? It's all so arbitrary how can you even tell anyway? The baby doesn't have to be thrown out with the bath water, but our society is so binary it sadly encourages this and I think men in particular fall prey to this and internalize it. So men who were initially "straight", feel like if they like men as well they have to switch teams, completely, or risk being alienated yet again by the queer men who SHOULD be welcoming then. Because if they don't, they risk becoming an outcast in a place where they should feel safe. And all these men then force themselves to conform to this ideal and turn into the same men who forced them to conform. Before you know it there is a perpetuated circle that never ends. This happens with women too, but not to the extent I have seen it happen to men. And it makes me so sad and angry. Why do we have to keep creating boxes? It is not easy to have same sex attractions, particularly for those who heavily lean that way. People with same sex attractions have been rejected and marginalized, and it's wrong. But in rebelling against the society that fostered all these expectations, (and rightly so), is it necessary to be so militant in completely cutting off anything resembling heterosexuality? Is it necessary to essentially do the same thing militant straight people do who tried to say it was their way or the highway? How is it different? Replacing a majority with a minority that becomes another majority doesn't help anyone.
     
    #13 Love4Ever, Jul 17, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
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  14. OGS

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    Ok, so now not only do I not get to describe my own feelings, but doing so makes me a misogynist. Seriously? As far as the idea that I'm being "militant" in some way I'm the one here who is comfortable with letting people describe their own experience--not the one insisting that they adopt my terms or I'll call them names...
     
  15. Biguy45

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    I’ve often found that people preaching tolerance are often intolerant. I’ve always tried to think for myself. I’ve always been a libertarian in the sense that if it’s not affecting you, don’t worry about it. I can categorize myself however I wish. No one has to agree with it, but It’s also no ones business.
     
  16. Nickw

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    I didn't mean to heat this up at all with my comment back to OGS's post. Not at all. I don't disagree that, in general, gay men don't go back to opposite sex relationships.

    I do find this perplexing however if sexual orientation is a spectrum. I do agree with Love4ever that there is a "right way" to be gay and I've wondered if this affects the swing back the other way that, mathematically, ought to occur.

    I have struggled with this since I came out. The last gay ski weekend i attended I spent the evening at the Lesbian table partying and dancing. A group of gay guys who had been supportive and friendly at first no longer had anything to do with me. Tbh, I did get weary of hearing "I am so over vaginas" from gay men. Seriously, three gay men in one evening saying that when they heard I was still married? I know guys are crude. Me included and I don't subscribe to the gay man as a misogynist view.

    I've also heard the "bi phase" term way more than I want.

    I hope no one takes offense with this. I'm only asking some questions based on my experience which might be unique to me.
     
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  17. Nicholas7

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    It pisses me off when gay guys say I am gay when I am not. If I was gay I would be it is 100 times easier then being bi. But I clearly ain't because I have a girlfriend, i love to cuddle with her, kiss her so how the fuck am i gay???!!.

    Grow up you bunch of little girls, act like a real man please.
     
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  18. Biguy45

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    This thread seems to have taken a darker tone. Almost reminds me of twitter
     
  19. Nickw

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    I hope I didn't incite your response. That was not my intention.

    Regardless of your experience where you feel that you are pressured to accept you are gay, it is still a very good idea to really try and understand your sexuality before you enter into a long term relationship.

    I really didn't feel anyone on these boards did anything but ask you some questions.
     
  20. Love4Ever

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    If you had read my post you would see that I never once referred to you. My post was not addressed to you specifically only the group of people who express such ideas. I disagree with your worldview simple as that.