So, story time to process what's been messing with my head for the past week. Background: Two years ago one of my friends (Caleb, we'll call him) started talking to and eventually started dating this really attractive incoming freshmen (Tristan, we'll call him). They were dating, so obviously I couldn't really make any moves on Tristan. Eventually they broke up but ended on good terms. Not long after, I encountered Tristan on an app and tried talking to him but he went kind of douchey on me unnecessarily and blocked me. A few weeks after that I was back on campus and he came on campus a few days before orientation since he lives so close. He actually hit me up and apologized. I then invited him to my dorm room to hang out. We talked for maybe a little over an hour and it was nice. Nothing sexual, just as friends. After that, I admittedly became a little annoying and kept trying to talk to him that week to no avail. Eventually he had enough, called me out...and then blocked me. (Details get hazy here.) I remained good friends with Caleb and Tristan became a non-issue. At some point I tried to follow him on Instagram and he let me. I saw Tristan on campus a few times and it kind of hurt to see him but I couldn't do much about it. Nothing really happened next until last summer. So last summer I wanted to actually do stuff. He posted a cool picture on Instagram and I DMed him and we talked a little. Evidently I got too overbearing for him again and he stopped talking to me. Didn't block me though. Beginning of the school year I saw him on campus during orientation (I work with underclassmen and he has a job with orientation) and he would wave and smile when he saw me. Admittedly, I melted cause my heart betrays me. Later on, he ended up blocking me again. Unblocked me later. Then blocked again. And I stopped caring. Of course, whenever I'd see him pop up in friends' pictures I felt a weird way. I saw him working a table at our University's Relay for Life and purposefully went over with a friend and waved at him. I then hung around nearby with the intention to irritate him. And then...nothing really happened. This Week: So, this week was the first round of summer orientation for incoming freshmen on campus and both of us happened to be working on campus for our respective offices. I didn't realize this until Monday when I was going from one building to another and saw him with one of my friends. I waved at both and the friend talked to me briefly and Tristan just kind of had this dopey open mouthed smile and was just all smiley and happy. I saw again later with another friend and he was the same way. And...my heart melted again. I went home that night and texted Caleb and just kind of gushed. Tuesday, I didn't see him I don't think. However, out of curiosity I decided to try and look up his Instagram and it showed up! He unblocked me! I had only been able to see it before if I looked it up through another account I manage for school. I tried to follow him and he let me. Again, I texted Caleb and he proclaimed it as "baby steps." Later, though, I was on an app and saw a new profile. It seemed familiar but I couldn't pin it. I texted Caleb though that there was a new hot guy local and he wanted to see. So I sent the profile pic to him (just a torso and could just slightly see his chin). And, evidently, Caleb recognized the pic as Tristan. And I kind of spiraled. I wanted to talk to him but needed to show him I've changed. He texted Tristan and turns out he's single now and wasn't happy. Caleb, being a good friend, made a deal with me. If I didn't try and message Tristan on Insta or the app, Caleb would be willing to talk in my favor. Caleb and Tristan made plans to play tennis on Friday. But, only if Tristan brought me up. So yesterday, I went to campus with a game plan. The room I was supposed to talk in in the morning was right near where Tristan would be. So, I hung around outside that room where I knew Tristan would be walking through. And he did. He came through and I waved and he said "Hi and I said "Hi" back and it was kind of weird and made me feel like a teenager with a stupid crush. I saw him again later with another of my friends so didn't really talk to him but waved. So today I was working and Caleb texted me while I was in a meeting to let me know that apparently him and Tristan played tennis today instead of putting off until tomorrow. We talked a little before addressing the subject and I asked. Turns out I was brought up...and by Caleb. Tristan said what I expected "I don't want to say Hi and just have him blow up my phone" (which I used to do but not anymore). And true to his word, Caleb did talk in my favor. And I was really happy. Of course Caleb pretty much told me I had to wait until Tristan made a move or I saw him in person next, and I was frustrated by that but conceded. Later, I went on the app though only to find out that Tristan blocked me for...well...no reason. And here we are. I know this was a huge post and I commend anyone for reading the whole thing. I'm just so messed up for no apparent reason over this guy. I want to be friends because he has this amazing personality and truly is really nice (not to mention attractive). But, I also feel like I want...more. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for, but any advice is welcome.
this may sound harsh, but after reading your entire post I'm not seeing why you continue to pine over this guy. after 2 years of dealing with periods when any contact between you two pretty much ends with him blocking you, where's the incentive to continue to hope for mere moments of his time? the heart wants what it wants, but what else might you be missing out on while you wait around on this guy to feel like giving you some fleeting attention.
He sounds kind of mean and why would you want to be friends with him. He repeatedly blocks you. He can't be the only hot guy around, find some other guy to crush on. PurpleDude and DRobs are right, move on.
I agree with the others - I know you're crushing on him and everything, but this dude sounds like a huge jerk. He's blocked you like 5+ times already. There's no reason to keep pursuing someone who clearly isn't worth your time. Even if you somehow did end up dating him, if he blocks you this often you guys would probably break up like every week in a relationship anyway.
Like others said, you need to move on and maybe cut off all contact (including deleting numbers, texts, anything that keeps reminding you of him). No one is forcing you to keep looking up Tristan's social media or follow him. I think you have to do some self-reflection. Sometimes people are just petty (upset over a small thing) when they block you, but from your story, it does seem Tristan has been consistently calling you out on being too pushy. You seem to sometimes acknowledge it, but maybe you're not taking a harder look at your actions. Talk to Caleb or some other third party for a less biased perspective. Also, take off your blinders! All this energy you've spent on an uninterested guy could be spent on other guys who are more receptive and less harsh.
Well, I guess I should clarify. I have quite literally no idea why I'm crushing on him or feeling the way I do. I know he's bad for me. Honestly, the only reason I like his Insta is because he posts amazing pictures (and he's hot but I can deal with that much). I wanted to write all of this out to get third parties' opinions because really the only people I've talked about this too are Caleb and one other friend. And, well, they're kind of biased. I also haven't spent just the past two years pining over this guy. I see in retrospect how that looks in how I wrote the post, though. I've talked to other guys and hooked up. Our area is honestly just kind of lackluster when it comes to meeting guys, and Tristan has been one of the few I've been interested in. When college is in session it's somewhat better but not really. Most of the time I never even think about him. But it's just been these random fleeting times where we do talk and I feel a different way than my usual lack of caring. I mean 95% of the times I saw him this week were completely accidental and I had no control over seeing him or not. When I did I just got this...feeling. I don't know how to explain it and I don't know why I feel it. As for my pushiness, I do acknowledge and I'm much better than I was in the past. With some guys I would literally send like five messages to without a response, and Tristan was one of those guys. It was wrong, I recognize that, and I've reflected on that and grown from it. I guess part of me wishes I can just show him that I'm not that person anymore? I don't know. I acknowledge in the past that some of the times he's blocked me have been my fault, but others I did nothing. I did get the answers I was expecting from you guys, so thank you. I just wanted to put everything to words since I haven't before to get others' perspectives.
if something is meant to be, no-one involved should need to change to make it so. I can't stress that strongly enough.
He might post amazing pictures of places or himself, but there are plenty of other IG accounts like that. In some ways, being conventionally attractive can make it difficult for him since he'll get a lot of attention no matter what he does. College is a big time for anyone as they transition to full adulthood, especially for freshmen as they are dealing with so many different social/environmental changes. But, it's good to see you are learning from your experiences, and hopefully Tristan is learning his own lessons. Time and distance can heal your wounds, but you might wait several months and see if it's still worth reaching out to him as at least a friend.
If he is using his time to continuously block and unblock you, then he may have some interest. There is something about you that is making it complex and he is unsure if he should talk to you or not. If you can prove you are not like your old ways, you may be able to be friends. You have to ease into friendship but always keep your guard up.
