Hey y’all! Alrighty so I’m in the process of coming out to my family, currently my little sister knows and all of my close friends know. I’ll also tell folks that I’m gay if they ask. Anyway I’m from the midwest/south where there’s a church practically on every corner and where I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday up until I started working in high school (I worked on a farm and ended up working every single day including holidays to the detriment of experiences and relationships I feel like I should and could have had and developed). So I’m 27 about to be 28 in a couple of months and I’m ready to be out to them because the “lying” and not being honest is really dragging me down and holding me back because I feel like I’m holding a lot of people at arms length. My relationship with God has been up and down and I’ve had peaks and valleys in my faith and with recent things that happened with me over the past year, I feel like I’m closer to God and have a stronger sense of my faith than I’ve ever had. I want to come out to my very very conservative and Southern Baptist family but the way I feel about it is that it will go very south and I’ll end up losing my family because of it. I’d really like to give them more credit and believe that they’ll love their son more than what their “belief” and the Bible says but I just don’t know. I’ve been gathering resources and articles and scriptures that support same sex relationships, because I’ve been running multiple scenarios through my head about what to say and what I could leave somewhere for them to find it and hopefully go through. I know it will take time for them to fully come around if they ever would but like I said I’m trying to stay positive, faithful, and give them the benefit of the doubt. So my question is 1. Did anyone come out to extremely religious and conservative parents? How did it go for y’all? 2. Was there anything that helped bring them around? 3. What do you think I could use to help my situation out? Thanks in advance y’all!
Hey @pewpewpew ! Good for you! That's so great to hear. Coming out in a conservative and religious community can be really tough. My parents are religious, but fairly progressive, which made it a lot easier for me to come out to them. Here are my thoughts: while their are some passages against homosexuality in the Bible, the Bible (and other holy or religious books) were written a very long time ago. Since then, stances on homosexuality have drastically evolved. Also, the Bible was written by humans, not by God himself. God is perfect, but his followers are not; we're human. The Bible also tells many stories in which God is accepting of all. He loves sinners, criminals... he loves everyone. If God shows love towards sinners, then there's no reason why he wouldn't love you. God also preaches love in telling us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Loving the opposite sex is the norm, but there's no reason why God would be against loving someone of the same sex. God would never limit us from loving others just because of their sex or their gender identity. This is my interpretation, but I hope it helps! Good luck! Sounds like you've been doing well so far- I'd love to hear how it goes. It may take some time for your parents to process, but if they love you, they will have to understand. And if they choose to disrespect you because of your sexuality, you have your sister to back you up. Good luck! Best wishes for you (and happy early birthday!!)
Nice to meet you, I’m from the South too (Texas!!) and I know exactly how it is dealing with religion, with churches seriously everywhere you turn. My own family practices Christianity and I define myself as a Christian as well, but it’s been hard trying to figure out what the Bible says about homosexuality and if it’s okay. I’ve done a lot of research about the Bible and it’s views on this matter, plus applied a lot of knowledge from current day events. What I’ve learned is that although the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin, it also lists things that are also a sin, such as getting a tattoo, wearing ripped clothing, etc, which are things we do in our everyday lives. The world is constantly changing and the things that are popular are shifting and expanding, so of course a book written years ago isn’t exactly caught up with all of the changes in the world. I recall reading somewhere in the Bible that all sins are equal in God’s eyes. No one is perfect — if not far from it — and as people it’s in our nature to sin. If homosexuality is a sin, as well as the little things we do in life that are hard to steer clear of (even gossiping and spreading rumors) are a sin as well. Homosexuality may be listed in the Bible as something that is forbidden, but there are other things that are forbidden that we do, maybe without even knowing. I still haven’t come out to my parents yet, partially because of me not even knowing what sexuality I am, and partially because I’m scared of their opinions. Here’s the thing though, and I’m still trying to teach this to myself — your parents will love you no matter what you define as and who you like, just like God. God loves us no matter what, and in time, they’ll learn to do so as well. Hoping I helped some, wishing you luck in the future. I also need help on the whole being Christian and homosexual.
1) They really didn't mind, but they are ignoring me more 2) No not really. My parents are pretty stubborn 3) Gain more posititivity in yourself and if anything DOES go down make sure you have a friend willing to help you.
@pewpewpew , I admire your courage! I hope @quebec will chime in here with his perspective on Christianity and non-conventional sexuality. I may be wrong, but I don't think you'll "win" an argument against your family. But you may succeed at getting them to see you as a loving, hard-working, upstanding man. Good luck! Love and light , =Sevn
I can't answer 1 or 2 because I am fortunate to have a very open minded and accepting family(especially as I am the first to come out as not hetero-normative in my fam). But as to #3. First I am Christian. When dealing with obnoxious Christians I point out a) if we are created in His image then I was created how I am. And then ask them if they are saying He mafe a mistake? B) If they try to trot out scripture at me it's usually the "man shall not lie with man as woman, it is an abomination" from Leviticus. Then I get to have fun. I point out the same section of Lev. includes not wearing mixed fabrics, not shaving or haircuts for men, no shellfish, and putting your wife out of the house when she's menstruating because she's unclean. I point out that Lev. doesn't distinguish "levels" on any of these and ask them which one they've broken. If they keep pushing bring up the fact that Levitical law was the terms of God's covenant with the tribes of Israel. Jesus was the fulfillment of that covenant. His sacrifice resolved it. It's what He meant when He said "for I am the fulfillment of the law". By insisting on hewing to Levitical law they are saying His sacrifice didn't count. Also Jesus gave us 2 laws and only 2. Love the Father and Love each other. Period. Full stop. Ask them if they think they know better than Him. God bless and good luck to ya!
pewpewpew..... Hello and welcome to empty closets! Hope I can help you out a little... Ok, so I didn't have to come out to extremely religious parents...I am the extremely religious parent. My path to finally accepting that I am and always was gay is another complete story, but I can say that after I had accepted myself, I still had a big conflict between my faith and what I absolutely knew to be true...that I was gay. I had been taught by both my faith and society that being gay was a terrible sin, completely wrong...a disease of the mind and body. Still, I felt like you do that, if I am made in the image of God, then it must be ok to be gay because I had tried for 42 years not to be gay and that didn't work. For over a year I immersed myself in reading books by several authors on the subject as well as a very in-depth study of the most important passages in the Bible that speak on this subject. That study took me back to the original Greek, Aramaic and Hebrew. What I learned was surprising and at times it also made me angry to learn that, people who I trusted, had taught me things that are.not.true. I found that the teaching of the Bible has been twisted to fit what society thought was correct. I was shocked and hurt to learn that Biblical scholars, who know exactly what the Bible does say on this topic, have betrayed our trust and have gone along with a reading on important passages that they know is not right. A quick example: We have all been told that Sodom & Gomorrah were destroyed because of their sin. That sin was when the men of Sodom wanted to have homosexual relations with the angels sent by God to warn Lot to leave the town. I was angry when I found Ezekiel 16:49-50: 49) Behold this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, fullness of bread and abundance of idleness was in her and her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. 50) And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good. In this passage the word translated "abomination" is the Hebrew word "toebah" which refers to idolatry...not homosexuality. This passage tells why Sodom was destroyed...I felt like I have been lied to, or at the very least those who were supposed to know and understand the Bible because they have studied it have failed miserably. Each and every passage in the Bible that is used to condemn being gay has been twisted or misinterpreted to fit with a pre-established prejudice against the LGBTQ community. Same-sex relationships as we know them did not even exist at the time that both the Old and New Testaments were written. Paul's letter to the Romans in chapter one refers to sex used as idol worship where the priests and priestesses were involved in ritual prostitution in pagan temples. There is a lot more information on this topic...I will include two websites below....BUT FIRST....please don't use what I have just written to attack or try to persuade your parents!! They will likely not listen. Use this information to help you understand how you can fit in to the LGBTQ family as a gay Christian. It is possible...I'm one! Now that I understand that the Bible does not and never has condemned me because I am attracted to the same sex, I have finally been able to rid myself of the guilt and shame that was crushing me for so long. You and I do not need to be "fixed" because we are not broken. We are as God intended us to be. When you have sorted through all of this, you will be able to choose a way to show your parents that they are wrong. I say "show" on purpose, as showing them a Christian example of love and acceptance will accomplish more than words ever could. Perhaps (I hope), when they see that you can live as yourself and still be an example of what a Christian should be...they will want to know how! I do so hope that some of this will help you! If you have ANY...questions, please don't hesitate to post a message on my Profile Page. .....David Two very important books: "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines & "Torn" by Justin Lee ecinc.org Evangelicals Concerned, Inc. Just type "Clobber Passages" into the search bar and you will find an introduction to the topic and then a list of the major passages and a very good explanation of their actual meaning in a very scholarly and concise way. gaychurch.org In the Menu at the top of the page you will find "Homosexuality and the Bible". Click on that and then click on "The Bible, Christianity and Homosexuality". This is also a really excellent discussion of the topic, especially as it explains the two greek words; arsenokoitai and malakoi. Understanding those words can be important as they are so often used to condemn gays. It is interesting that the Apostle Paul actually made up the word; arsenokoitai. It is used only twice in the Bible and, as I recall only 4 or 5 more times in all existing Greek Literature...not a whole lot on which to build a condemnation of the entire LGBTQ community!
