Questioning

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Hey. It’s perfectly okay to question what you assumed you were. I felt the same way before I realized I liked girls. ‘The ABCs of LGBT’ by Ashley Mardell is a great read to figure it out. Maybe tell a close friend or family member who you know won’t judge you. Talking about it with someone can help. Sexuality is very fluid, so you don’t need a label to define yourself, but if you want one, spend some time thinking about it. And don’t rush yourself. It took me two years to figure out my identity. And you’re not alone! (Feel free to message me and ask further questions)

 

Hey welcome to EC, . Take a deep breath, its going to be ok. Don't worry about your English it is great.

I think you will come to see that whilst everyones journey is different, many, many people will at some point have had those same questions and doubts in their mind that you have, 'what if I am making it all up?', I guess it is possible but I would say very unlikely, in all the time I have been on EC I think I could count on one hand maybe the number of people who have been questioning their sexuality and then in the end decided they are straight and I would say in most of those cases there were other factors involved. I think if you feel as though you want to tell someone then you should do it. How do you think they will react are they generally LGBT friendly? If you don't want to tell them just yet then feel free to chat to some people on here until you feel more comfortable sharing it with your Mum/best friend.

 

Hey there! I've been in the exact same position about a year ago. I won't repeat all my feelings and thought from that time as they are pretty much the same as what you described.

From the moment I started to really question things I decided to really pay close attention to what comes natural and what I realised was beheaviour I picked up copying my friends (as in thinking I liked boys etc.). It's hard to look past something you've believed your whole life but it also felt liberating. Be carefull not to over analyse everything because that's where it became only more confusing to me. Really go with your gut and you'll feel when something is right and something isn't. Don't be afraid to think and feel what you really feel. You catch yourself staring at a cute girl? Good for you, try to enjoy the feeling instead of condemning yourself (which is what I used to do). You feel something towards a guy? Also great, pay attention to what it's like compared to girls. Maybe you're gay or maybe you're bi, maybe you like both/all sexes but just in a different way!

Live your life and go with whatever feels right for you. Don't worry too much about the label. If you want to talk to a friend or your mom and you know they'll be supportive, you don't sound ridiculous at all

 

I just read through your post, and I realized: this is exactly what I’ve been going through! In fact, I’ve even convinced myself before that I’d made up having a crush on a girl. I absolutely understand what you’re saying about wondering if it is just a phase. That’s also why I haven’t come out to my parents. However, I recently came out as questioning/probably bisexual to my school GSA, and it really helped take some of that weight of of my chest. Do you have any supportive friends or allies you can confide in? And, of course, if you want to talk, just shoot me a message!

 

You are welcome and you are definitely not alone. I'm glad the tears were happy ones.

If you don't mind me asking, what was it that first made you question your sexuality, was it a particular girl? A situation?

 

Sounds about right, it can be difficult to figure these things, out but honestly, to me it sounds like you have quite a bit of it figured out already you just need a bit of support and encouragement from people that can understand what you are going through. You will get there just take it one step at a time.

 

I'm happy seeing people relate to your post makes you feel validated. I get it, when I first started to question I felt like the only person in the world that didn't have this figured out. We always see those out and proud people but you never know about to people who are questioning and confused because they usally don't talk about it.

I also felt a real need to tell someone. I did eventually tell my best friend I was questioning long before I started to see things more clearly. Being able to talk to someone, putting my thoughts into words and having the feedback of a supporting person that has known me forever (and sometimes knows me better than I know myself) was really helpfull. If you really want to get it of your chest, you might just talk to someone about the fact that you think you like girls (and from what you've written, it seems like you do). When I tell people, I usually don't say I'm gay or bi... but just I like girls. Because that's all I know for sure. Then when someone askes about more specifics I say I identify as gay but don't rule out the possability of falling for a guy some day and you know what, people really get that and are a lot more open-minded than I expected.

It's hard to really accept something when you don't have a lot of experience because I totally get the fear of 'what if I'm making this up?'.But when you picture your life with a girl/boy, what does it look/feel like? I guess the answer is often right there, just in the way you picture your life and what feels right to you. For example, when I started accepting I'm waaay more into girls than boys, the idea that maybe I was making it up and would eventually end up with a boy just seemed like such a sad and dull future, I guess that says it all right?

I'm always here if yo uwant to talk

 

Oh my gosh, my head is swimming from how much I relate to your post. Especially your feelings for the girl in your theatre group. I spent time with girl in a theatre group, and I felt the exact same thing. I didn't know if I liked girls, or if I liked her, but I knew I wanted every interaction between us to happen again. She grabbed my hand once, and I almost cried. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm bi or gay or whatever. And I worry about coming out as questioning before I'm sure. Thanks for posting so I can relate

 

I can relate to what you are saying as well. I had an intense girl crush in high school (lasted for 3 years) and my parents thought it was "just a phase", and I thought it was too. Then as I got older, I continued to have crushes on guys, but also felt attracted to girls, and just told myself "you just think she's pretty, you just admire her is all". I can relate to the "am I making this up?" feeling as well, because when mainstream media tells you "straight is great" (in U.S. anyway) and not much else, it can be hard to know there are other valid options besides straight to consider.
Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling; it's worth it.

 

Yay! I’m so glad that my post gave you some confidence! I wish you the absolute best of luck on your journey!

 

Curious- why did you think you were making it up? Was it because you wanted your crush to be real, or you wanted it to be fake (i.e. did you hope to be gay or straight?) Cause when I was a kid and realized I had a crush on my best friend, I felt so guilty and wanted to be straight, but now anytime I feel anything for a guy I hope it's just in my head. Women make me feel so much better to be around and be with... but sometimes I wonder if I still like guys. Anyways... I remember when I first joined and being SO shocked at how many people were having the same feelings, even if their journeys were a little bit different. I hope you find clarity soon!

 

I love this entire thread, its so what I've been going through. I constantly tell myself that you can think a girl is pretty and still like guys. I'm lucky to have a really supportive family but they are always telling me not to discount boys entirely so I try to tell myself that what I feel for other girls is just admiration. Its hard to know what's real and what isn't when you get into that cycle of trying to persuade yourself that you're wrong.

 

I think this sounds like deep down you know the answer but the thought of getting that into the real world is scary and daunting, I think you have to just try and take baby steps and take each thing one at a time so that the whole thing doesn't feel so overwhelming.

 

I agree with silverhalo that you have a pretty good idea deep down how you feel, at least about women. I really relate to what you said about being sure that you want to be with a girl emotionally but can't speak to how you feel sexually. I have had crushes on women that made me really turned on so I know it's possible, but I've never been with a girl before, only kissed a few and they were really boring and bad but possibly because I was drunk and didn't know who they were/didn't think they were cute to start, but sometimes I get worried that I'll fall in love with a girl and we'll get the bedroom and then... nothing. No spark. But I think that we have to cross that bridge once we get to it, and that it's not crucial to have your feelings for women 100% figured out before you start experimenting with them. I totally get what you mean about that "wow" feeling at the thought of being with a girl... girls are great. And straight girls don't feel like that, so if anything, you can probably safely consolidate yourself with the knowledge that you're not straight.