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Confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dodds, Mar 2, 2018.

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  1. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Forget "mean" and "should". He's not entitled to sex. His happiness isn't your responsibility, and I'd hope that he wouldn't want you to be having sex with him out of obligation.

    Has he mentioned that he's unhappy with the physical side of your relationship?
     
    #161 LostInDaydreams, Apr 28, 2018
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  2. Dodds

    Dodds
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    He's never said anything but in the all the years weve been together we have never had a strong sex life
     
    #162 Dodds, Apr 30, 2018
  3. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Please don't feel bad about this. You don't owe him sex.

    Has your therapy ended now? How are you feeling?
     
    #163 LostInDaydreams, Apr 30, 2018
  4. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I've got 1 app on Thurs I'm not looking ok forward to it ending ive been seeomg her since last fed nearly every 2 weeks so having it gone scares me I will literary hsve no1 to talk to
     
    #164 Dodds, Apr 30, 2018
  5. silverhalo

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    Well you can still talk to everyone here.
     
    #165 silverhalo, Apr 30, 2018
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  6. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    How you doing? Been a while since we heard from you !
     
    #166 CuriousG74, May 5, 2018
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  7. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Was just about to log on and post. I had last app wot physiologist on Thursday so feeling a bit scared bout having thst gone. Do u know the top loader song dancing in the moonlight it was my mams fave song we played it at her funeral every time it comes on radio he turns it off .anyway it did today and he did it and I thought r bless him he loves me :frowning2: and in the back of my mind I'm thinking I get to see her for a few hours tomorrow. Over all not in a good place and hurting myself is looking good
     
    #167 Dodds, May 7, 2018
  8. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    Please don't hurt yourself, I think it might be an idea to tell him how you're feeling, maybe not about the other woman but about how you're hurting inside
     
    #168 CuriousG74, May 7, 2018
  9. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I camt open up to him he doesnt get it. He knows i self harm and has said he cant get his head round it and I know alot of people can't. I know it's not a long term solution to stuff but for now its all i got and it works
     
    #169 Dodds, May 8, 2018
  10. CuriousG74

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    Cutting may give you a sort of release, where you are in charge, but what if slip or cut too deep ? You need to find a different release (I know it's easy sitting on the outside looking in, and don't know what's going on between you) but you also need to think of the children, what if one of them walks in and sees what you're doing ? What about finding a hobby ?
     
    #170 CuriousG74, May 8, 2018
  11. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I know I tend to do it more on a night when there asleep .
     
    #171 Dodds, May 8, 2018
  12. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I would never do anything thst would hurt my kids which is why I'm still here cos if didn't have them I would prob hsve ended my life by now . Why is it so hard to be who u want to be
     
    #172 Dodds, May 9, 2018
  13. silverhalo

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    Could you try and move forward with your life by taking steps to have more of a life that you would like?
     
    #173 silverhalo, May 10, 2018
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  14. confused04

    confused04
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    Hi Dodds...I am sorry you are struggling so much. I do want to say this as a "child" of a mother who came out when I was 22, it made NO difference that they had been together for 22 years. That brought no relief, and in fact I spent many years pissed off that their entire marriage was a lie. I don't feel that way now, and understand how difficult it was for my mom and she had me barely after she turned 18, so there were circumstances blocking her realization.

    I just don't think the argument that waiting until the kids are older is ever a good argument, for many reasons (and not just because you are gay)
     
    #174 confused04, May 12, 2018
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  15. confused04

    confused04
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    I also understand depression, anxiety and self-harm. On the other end of things, I am a 37 year old woman (single, no kids) who is confused and questioning and terrified of being gay--so i understand that side of it too.
     
    #175 confused04, May 12, 2018
  16. Dodds

    Dodds
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    Hi thsmks for ur post and i get where he cuming from its just my personal reasons and sum practal reasons why o need to stay in the marriage. As to other stuff pleased u understand as not many people do
     
    #176 Dodds, May 13, 2018
  17. silverhalo

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    Can you elaborate on the personal reasons why you feel you have to stay?
     
    #177 silverhalo, May 13, 2018
  18. CuriousG74

    CuriousG74
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    I

    I think you have to ask yourself, what if this was the other way round ? What if he was thinking the same you are , and you had no idea how to handle depression/suicidal thoughts but all the while he's thinking he's not happy, but you have no idea.
     
    #178 CuriousG74, May 13, 2018
  19. Dodds

    Dodds
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    I'm not strong enough to deal wot everything that comes wot leaving him never mind bout what happens if i come out
     
    #179 Dodds, May 15, 2018
  20. silverhalo

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    But do you not think you might be stronger if you were the real you and not hiding all this stuff?
     
    #180 silverhalo, May 15, 2018
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