Confused

Ok so are your children with you now? Are they still up or are they asleep? What are you planning for this weekend?

 

This sounds like a great idea, what about the park or something?

 

Does she know you are questioning your sexuality?

 

I think a lot of us in EC have been in this position. So challenging. You will make it through to the other side but it will take time. One thing I found useful was to work on my self-esteem and my overall sense of identity - including thinking of all the things I do well - small things - and then acknowledge them quietly to myself. Perhaps work towards recognising and loving you as you are and on trying to show compassion for yourself when you are feeling that you are not the best version of you. You too are worthy of being happy just as much as any other human being.

 

This is some really great advice

 

Have you been close to cutting anymore? You said it was the only thing that seemed to help and I wonder if you can explain why that is? Is it because it gives you a release from the emotional distress by substituting it with something physical, or is there more to it? What have you tried, short of cutting - if anything? If you need some ideas just let us know and we can link you to some useful resources.

Talking is really important, even if it's only online through this forum. The fact that we don't know you on a personal level and have no emotional involvement in your situation may help you to open up a little more. We're not here to pressure or lead you, but only to offer our kindest support without condition. If you talk freely and openly to us, it's not going to have an impact on your husband or family and it will not leave you with scars that cutting will cause. Talking is a release of a different kind and while you are typing everything out you are surfing the urge to do physical harm to yourself.

Have you considered speaking to your GP about counselling? Do you think it would be useful to talk on a one to one basis in confidence, without feeling judged? You could even talk to an organisation like Samaritans - on the phone, face to face or by email or text. Might be worth considering.

According to your profile you live in Newcastle and that's a fairly big city. A quick internet search brings up details of a few places where you could go for help and support. What do you think?

Most important thing is to stay focused and keep talking. Bottling things up only creates more pressure that you don't need right now. When you come here you are amongst people who care. Keep that at the front of your mind.

 

What usually happens in the lead up to you cutting?

 

Ok so can you tell us what thoughts are going on in your head? Even if they don't seem to make sense to you?