How realistic is it to find a gay guy who wants to date

Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m looking for companionship first in a guy and everything else second. Dating an asshole with an Adonis body is not appealing to me at all!!!

As far as size, I think it is ridiculous that someone would place a size requirement of their mate. I could care less about penis size, the only requirement is to find someone who is a good person. I wouldn’t want someone who is that shallow.

Even though I have no restrictions, other than being a good guy, I still haven’t met a real live gay man.

 

Umm, so someone liking a specific size of penis is shallow but you only liking one race is not? Come on lol

Do you have LGBT friends? Try to focus on that before you focus on finding a boyfriend. Enrich your life in many different ways with beautiful friendships and fun hobbies. Else the process of dating is going to be super painful for you

 

Hang in there, we both need to realize there are great guys out there for us!!! Relationships are based on love, not sex. Sex is part of it, but it doesn’t define it.

You cracked me up when you said you didn’t feel like typing... hope you regain some energy and share more of your story with us!!

 

First off I'm going to try to leave the whole only white guys need apply thing on the side except for to say: please don't lead with that one, it's going to be a deal breaker for a lot of people, many of them white.

As far as the real question goes, it's totally realistic if you're actually realistic about it. I dated for about five years before I met my husband and had a pretty wonderful time of it.

I'm with Smurf in asking how many LGBT friends do you have? How many gay men do you know? actively interact with? The fact of the matter is that when I was dating I thought the exact opposite of what you're expressing. I felt like there was a sort of weird rush to the altar. It was like I had "marry me" written on my forehead in ink only I couldn't see. I was constantly finding myself thinking "this guy's picking out china patterns--I thought we were going to the movies." I never understood it back when I was dating.

After a while here on EC I think I understand what was going on. People are constantly coming on here and saying what I always hear as: "I met five guys and none of them want to marry me. WTF?" And I'm always thinking: of course they don't--you met five guys. Think about how many women and girls your father had met before he met your mother. I mean, my father was my mother's eighth proposal of marriage (OK, that one I actually find kind of remarkable but clearly there were a lot of boys before him). By the time I met my husband I had met hundreds, possibly thousands of gay guys. I was friendly with a few hundred, good friends with maybe sixty, dated twenty to thirty (some for a couple dates on up to one I lived with for a year and half), "dated" quite a few more on top of that and then met one that I wanted to marry.

You can probably tell I've typed this speech before so I know that the reaction is generally something along the lines of "see how terrible and difficult it all is." But it wasn't terrible or difficult. I actually look back on all of it with immense fondness. Twenty years later I'm still friends with a lot of those guys. Because I wasn't sifting through the chaff I was going to the movies with charming men, playing croquet in the park with men who made me laugh, going out dancing with my friends and that beautiful friend of one of those friends. It was wonderful and I honestly don't look back on anyone that I dated with regret. They didn't "not work out" they worked out just fine for what they were.

Stop holding auditions and just meet people and do fun things with people--it'll happen when it happens and, frankly, it's more likely to happen if you're enjoying yourself along the way.

 

This is such a powerful statement. Love this!

It baffles me how you don't see the hypocrisy with it all. You are doing the exact same thing that you are complaining about. You are literally saying "I don't care how nice you are, how well put together you are, how mature or interesting you are, if you aren't white then I'm not interested". Either change your own ethics or stop complaining that other guys are just like you.

I usually let the subtle racism of it all go because its honestly too much effort, but since you created this thread specifically to complain how "unfair" other people are to you, I just simply can't let it go.

 

It seems these days, everyone wants a relationship, but...

The following is a powerful video by Jay Shetty on the current state of "dating", if we dare even call it that...



It seems that the whole sphere of relationships in this brave new Century has fallen into the maw of consumerism. It has become all about not being alone, but also about not being entangled without "exit strategies". We avoid even calling it "dating" because, for many, that word already smacks of too much commitment. This is not unique to the LGBTQ set, it is happening everywhere and to everyone.

If no investment is made in getting to know someone, which, as the video affirms, requires patience; all that will matter is whether the guy's cock is big enough or any other superficial attribute, such as ethnicity, because these are relatively easy to determine, but getting to know another person's values, attitudes and desires, well, that is already too much in this age of instant this, or that.

Loving another, if it will ever happen, must be preceded by knowing that someone deeply, this appears to be more and more difficult to do, mainly because we know and love ourselves so poorly...

 

I have a great time when I see my guy. He's not what I would call my fantasy guy - he's like 5ft tall or something and I'm over 6ft, so we look odd together...and he's not Caucasian either, whereas I am...and he's not as well endowed as me...he's not wealthy either, he doesn't own a car or apartment...but he's a really lovely person, good manners, easy to get along with, very kind and sincere...and he adores me and shows me that in a myriad of ways...I fell in love with the person, and all of a sudden those other little things that were not perfect didn't seem to be important anymore, and he became that much more attractive in my eyes.

 

Several years ago I heard a dating "expert" on a radio talk show compare online dating to online shopping ... you put people in your cart if they grab your attention but then toss them out before you make your final purchase, if any.

 

Guywest79,
If I have boyfriend I expect he has small dick. Really...I never been fucked so much, honestly I want to enjoy someone fuck me with small dick and I can fuck my partner, vice versa.
My dick is not big enough too.
Until now I miss it.

 

@OGS and @greatwhale both make great points about dating.

I agree that online dating has been reduced to swiping and snap judgments about potential fit based on one or more pictures and a few paragraphs of text. At some level it feels like I'm scanning resumes to fill a position, to determine who gets a phone screen or the in person interview. This works best when you have some idea of your type and what you are looking for.

This also underscores the need to create a comprehensive dating strategy that includes several different ways of meeting guys.

My dating philosophy is similar to what OGS says. I look to make connections with guys through various means, meetups/support groups, hookup apps, dating apps, etc. These connections can be platonic friendships, friendships with benefits, or a relationship. It is a number's game where you need to make a lot of connections to figure out what you want/need in a partner. As you gain these insights, you can refine your approach and get more targeted about where you look.

It is very important that you have a happy life when you are dating and don't require someone to complete it, otherwise you are giving your power away and when you don't get what you need, you face pain.

 

Relationships are generally not a priority for most gay men--not all, but most--in my opinion and based on my experience. And to be fair, the skills needed for emotionally connecting are generally under or undeveloped in most men, gay or straight, which is why I believe that having a woman in the equation greatly increases the chances of an emotional connection. I think that trying to connect online only exacerbates the problem when it's only men, and eventually everyone becomes very jaded at a young age. It's actually pretty easy to find a gay guy with whom to converse if there are gay organizations, meet-ups, clubs, etc., in your area, but I think it's very difficult to move toward dating or a relationship even with the guys you might converse with because they more likely than not see hooking up as their sexual outlet and meet-ups or social groups as the place to go for socializing with men they don't want to have sex with.