How long did it take you to know?

Hi, I dont know it is late or not you realize yourself that you are gay at 22years old. For example me, when I was child (12yo), I know I like men than woman. When I grew up, I realized that I like older man than young man. Until now, I don't have sex orientation problem because I already know what I like and not, since I was child. So I don't have experience that my sex orientation change when adult. Until my first sex experience at 25years old.
Did you never realized before (may be when you were at 10 or 13 years old ) you like man than woman?

 

When I was young we didn't have the internet, mobile phones and just one channel on the black and white television. The country was a de facto theocracy. The advice from the 'Christian Brothers' was worse than clueless for straight guys, the concept of "gay" just did not exist.
In my early teens I thought I 'admired' some guys and I was just a late developer as regulars girls, no big deal! In my later teens and early twenties I thought 'I'de like to meet HIS sister' .... boy was I totally clueless!
I was about twenty six when I developed a huge crush, to be honest it was more like unrequited love. He was stunning looking and one of the nicest people I've ever met (not just my opinion ).
This crush was the thing that made me question things. I still tried to deny to myself the obvious fact that I was as gay as Christmas.
I fooled myself into getting married at thirty. Twenty years after bouts of low grade chronic depression I admitted to myself and my wife that I was gay.
After thirty years of marriage we are separating and I am totally 'out'. At 62 I'm finally coming to terms with being me.

So don't give out to yourself for taking a long time to work it out. Just imagine if there was no such thing as 'gay' or 'straight' just people 'liked' this person to that person, regardless of gender.
Don't give out to yourself for not figuring things out, most people are totally confused their entire life.

 

I'm not sure I count as figuring things our later in life: I'm 21 and figured it out/accepted it last year, but I'm pretty sure the feelings were there in the back of my head for some time before that. The process of being comfortable with everything did take some time and I'm not 100% there now (and that's okay). I knew that I wasn't really interested in sex with men (or sex period) for quite some time (since sometime in high school) but I never really figured out that I was attracted to women until very recently (and I've only actually told 2 people and that was in the last 3 months). From my own experience (and what I've heard of others), it is perfectly normal to deal with these feelings of being unsure if you are actually not straight. Straight is the default we are all used to living under and so it is easy to ignore our feelings as simply really strong feelings of friendship even when they are not. Looking back, you might realize some times you may have done this (or you might not, no worries!)

Your feelings are totally valid! Discover your identity at your own pace and never be ashamed of your journey!
I think it is great that you are reaching out to others, but remember that their path/time-frame isn't yours.
I don't think that you are imagining your feelings of non-straightness and that when you are at a point to do so, you should embrace them. I hope you get to that point through a process which makes you happy and I think reaching out to others in your shoes is a first great step. Counseling is another good step, as mentioned by LostInDaydreams. If you can't find anyone or don't have the time/money, I think there are also some good online counselling sources as well.

 

As someone who figured it out early, but denied it to myself, only to come out and then go rushing back to the safety of the closet, I don't know that I can help much, but I will try. Looking back I realize I knew for as long as I remember, though it wasn't until age 11 or so(1983), that I even heard of a homosexual. I knew for sure at 15, got a little interested in a girl at 16, changed my mind about that. Went back to the idea I was bi, 18-21 had a series of disastrous gay encounters. Then I met a bi gal that did float my boat and we married and had kids. Almost immediately after marriage I started doubting my ability to be in a hetero marriage. 8 years in I told her that I was gay. 15 years later we can no longer continue, and just now, am I finding out that for me, knowing and absolute acceptance are 2 different things . So that doesn't help you much, but I will share this. After my wife went through pregnancy, she went from a very butch unapologetic bi gal to a much more feminine woman and really lost interest in women. So there are all kinds of complications trying to figure these things out. What might have helped me is having healthy discussions with other gay people to give me more perspective, and counseling. So beside EC, maybe you could seek out an LGBTQ group. It might help cement some things in your mind one way or another.

 

Pretty much knew my whole life, confirmed it by 12 years old

 

Suspected most of my life but confirmed at 45

 

Knew I was gay for a long time, couldn’t find the courage to accept it until last fall. I’m 52 and I know I want a relationship with a guy. Spent my whole life with a few different women, who I liked a lot, just didn’t have deep love for any of them. Even though I’ve not kissed a guy, I know I’m gay. My desires are all about men, that’s what makes me feel good inside. I hate to admit it, but I think about a guys companionship all the time- I feel like a teenager again.

Long story short- I knew I was gay at an early age, didn’t accept myself until a few months ago. It’s hard to look back and say- if only I had done this or that, I would have been happier. I do know my future will involve a loving partner if I ever get s chance to meet some gay men.

 

I’ve not kissed a guy either, but I’d really like to. Of course, I have done other things

 

I was about 36 or so (8 years ago) when I started questioning things. I then realized I was bi. Now I feel like things are changing again and I’m leaning towards being gay. I’ve beenntrying to put myself out there more recently to answer all my questions.

 

I often wonder if that will happen to me. I Consider myself bi with a stronger attraction to women than men, but I read about so many guys who sort of transition to gay. It seems unlikely but who knows. I can’t imagine ever not lusting after a sexy female butt

 

I feel the same way. I don’t think I could never not be attracted to a good looking female. But after opening up to a friend that’s gay a while back (online) ....it made me feel like I never felt before and I liked it.

 

Yeah I can relate to that. I’m definitely having feelings I never had before.

 

It took me being married twice to men before I truly figured out myself. I was miserable and just thought it was the person I was married to, but it was my sexuality.

Good luck finding yourself!

 

The only online counseling research that I've used/know about it 7cups but I am sure that there are others.

 

I guess I always questioned my sexuality because I simply wasn't the same as my peers were when it came to romance and a part of me knew that much of my heterosexuality was forced but I was deeeep in the closet so of course I was straight duuuh.


How many years has it taken? Let's say my first indication came when I was 8. That would mean 17 years later I am still figuring things out. 17 years and counting. However I'm the closest I've ever been to discovering/accepting the truth. This is what gives me strength.